Husband Down Plays My Wt Loss-Frustrated!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Another thought is that after many years of watching losses and gains... my hubby has just gone neutral on the whole topic. He has been helpful to me, but does not mention my weight loss, does not make comment if i say anything. He is not overweight and I think he is just skeptical considering that I lost and regained weight with the lapband, i can kinda see why he is a bit reserved on this

Not sure if this applies to your situation, but i get zero "atta girl" from the home front. Fortunately, I am internally motivated so I am okay with it.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I feel very fortunate that my hubby has decided that he needs to start eating healthier due to health related issues. But before learned about his high blood glucose, he had started to eat less. I remember that I would just say to him when he complained about his weight that he only needs to eat less, and of course he needs to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. He avoided the exercise but did make efforts to eat less. Now I have him eating like we do, but in larger quantities. I am so blessed with him. I love my Sleeve and my Hubby.

Don't let him get away with hurting your feelings. Tell him "Ouch, that hurt," I really need your support, I miss you!" That could help in be more supportive. Give him positive reinforcement when he does so he will continue to support you.. It's also important to be supportive of his efforts too.

[Dooter 1,457]

My husband walked behind me last night and stopped and hugged me and said "dang! You ARE getting skinny! (I'm still 300 lbs, mind you....) He's envisioning the 42 y.o. hottie he's gonna have on his arm! He's a skinny boy too. He knows that I'm over the moon crazy for him, so he doesn't have any weird issues about me losing weight. He just wants me to be healthy for him and our boys. He enjoys my company and wants me to go hiking and camping with all 5 of us together. My weight was a hindrance to our family life sometimes, so he's really excited for me and for us. And we also work out together at the Y, and have for some time. If you can speak openly to your husbands, and work these things out, life will be beautiful. I pray this for all of you with spouse non-support issues.

[slim46 25]

About a month ago' date=' I decided to stop sharing my weight loss achievements and anything to do with my healthier lifestyle. I did this because he would always down play it or simply ignore me and act like he didn't hear me. For instance, I would come out of the bathroom really happy after weighing myself and say "down 2 pounds, yes!". He would say, "I'm sorry did you say something?". Ugh! Recently, I finally bought some smaller clothes and the first time I put them on for us to go out and I said "I'm loving these size 16's and my new heels". He said, "You shouldn't wear those heels. You'll break an ankle. I'm just worried about your safety". There are more comments like this. I usually just blow it off but it's sad cuz I want to share these things with my husband. He's my best friend....well he used to feel like my best friend. I'm glad I have this forum to share these things with all of you. I miss my friend and I just don't understand what's going on. Has anyone else come across this situation and, if so, what are your thoughts? Big hugs everyone![/quote']

Congrats!

I bet u look sexy! U must be turning heads, u should be proud!

I can't wait to get to that point!

Tell him how he makes u feel n also ask him to say something positive.

My fiancé says I'm sexy n beautiful. I feel like a blow fish..smiling

But I know if he Loves me now he ll really luv me more afterwards.

He likes to see me in heels but my ankles can't take it, ouch

When he hurts my feelings, I tell him and he apologizes. He says he didn't know he hurt me or didn't mean for it to come out that way.

Communication baby, but u still have us!

Keep up the good work, keep us posted on ur progress

[Catracks 865]

I am going home and kissing my husband and my daughter. I know I have it good, but sometimes I don't tell them often enough.

My feet also shrunk. Who knew?

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

Bless your heart! I am sure he is insecure. I think he sees you losing weight and might even be a bit jealous. I am sure he doesn't want to be the fat spouse when you are done losing weight. You will be trim, and he won't. I think he probably felt secure as both of you being big and when you lose the weight, he will be the one people will notice as the big one. It could be other things too. I really hope it gets better for you both. I would be devastated if my husband weren't supportive. Have you tried telling him how you feel? Have you asked him why he doesn't seem supportive? I hope you can get it all figured out. And yes, we are here for you here!

[anngee 11]

Oh Lisa...I feel what you're saying everyday...My husband has said NOTHING about my weight loss' date=' my kids are amazed that my feet have shrunk in size and that I had to dig into my closet to find amy smaller size fat pants because the ones I was wearing are slipping down around my knees (so to speak) I'll sew them up and they'll fit tight again...soon in my spare time.

My husband on the other hand is 163 lbs and in shape...he is 11 yrs older than I am has a very large mother who has tried to lose weight his entire life. He told my 12 yr old son...I would not be able to do this weight Loss thing and I will always be fat.... And this may be true, but I will not be obese...

My husband asked me the other day "wife did ya buy me any candy bars?" I told him no if he wanted those he would need to purchase them himself....well ....he did...40 of them. He brought them home put them on my lap and said you can have the dark chocolate ones...they are good for ya. HELLO....does he not get it or is he just out to sabotage me....I have yet to even taste one of those nasty little critters, but they are still sitting on the table... only probably 10 left now...

I am cooking for me...and my family can eat what I prepare or they can go hungry or go out to eat without me. I decided Top Gun said it well in one of my posts..."the largest piece of fat I needed to lose was my husband"...well I do love him more than one could know...but I hate his behavior towards my new WLS. We went to Mexican the other night I had 3 shrimp and about 3 pieces of chicken that were dime size...My husband proceeded to tell me what a pig I had made of myself. Not sure I'll be going to eat with him much anymore. I calculated my calories and Protein for the day and well 260 cal/37 g protein....now if that is eating like a pig well...I guess I was the pig.[/quote']

Gramaof I'm so sorry to heard your husband being a jerk and it frightful because my husband doesn't want me to have the surgery which I will have Monday 26th but anyway I will be praying for you

[gramaof4 58]

Gramaof I'm so sorry to heard your husband being a jerk and it frightful because my husband doesn't want me to have the surgery which I will have Monday 26th but anyway I will be praying for you

You will do great! Choose a friend who you know will be supportive. I have a gal who had the LBS a few yrs back and she is going to be my rock, I also have my 2 besties that are super supportive, and I own my own business and my customers are my support even though they don't have a clue they are. One man came in and told me the other day (in front of my husband) "wow, did you do something different with your hair?" I of course said nope been the same for year...just needs a dye job He said "I almost didn't come in cuz it didn't look like you...something is different maybe your face is thinner....'ARE YOU LOSING WEIGHT?' he says....you look great!

so the public even though they may not know you had WLS will be complimentive....I'm pretty straight up with most people about WLS but there is that line of personal/business....

I had my surgery in Mexico...My husband had many opportunities to say his peace but chose the morning I was to fly out...he said "Do you have your last will and testiment made out? Going to a 3rd world country for surgery' not sure how much stupider you could be" He left and went to work. I stopped by his work to tell him goodbye I also wrote him a love letter before I left and left it for him to have when I was gone. "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health"....Remember your vows.

I have known for yrs...he is just like his father who after 50 yrs of marriage to his mother decided he did not want her to live with him anymore....HA not here he better straighten up and fly right.....And I think there is alot of insecurity going on in my man...as he tends to spend xtra time in my office but still manages to say and do things that are rude and unsupportive.

I hope once I start losing more, he will continue to take notice that my activities are increasing and my energy is increasing, and my whole livleyhood is increasing...I am also reading a book how a woman should pray for her husband...It guides you thru how we should pray for our husbands and different things we can do to make them feel special and well loved. My book should be here tomorrow I think. I'm ready to put into action any idea that will show him my love and help reform his behavior and feelings toward me, fat or thin.

[anngee 11]

Yes I have my support team who one of them happen to be his 1st cousin lol she had the surgery a year ago and look fabulous. So I'll be fine with his support or with it, ill just pray he will come around but in the mean time I pray for the both of us. And I love how you're keeping your head up

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm not trying to play devil's advocate per se. Is he more reactive with other things? I could do the most amazing thing and my DH would only notice if it involved the very small world of things he pays close attention to. If there's something I particulary want him to notice, or I particulary need a compliment, his "usual self" might hurt that much more, and I might feel like he's purposefully ignoring it. Especially when to me, it might be the center of my universe, and to him, it just isn't something that really matters. (I tend to think much more like a man than a woman, so I just want to offer up another perspective.)

That said, lots of insecurities come and go with relationships, including relationships where some significant physical change happens. I don't have enough hands, fingers, toes or hairs on my head to count the marriages I've seen end over what seems like a physical change, but in 100% of those cases there has been something else going on. (Hmm, kinda like obesity, no?) Even secure marriages will still ask, "What if?"

Have you talked to him about it? What did he say?