Nsv Is Also A Goodbye :'(

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I have been posting so long here that I actually thought of my community here before I thought to call a friend, lol.

I am married and happily, commitedly so - so please do not take what I am am getting ready to say wrong - he knows and he feels so bad for me too, which just makes it worse.

Circumstances came together a few days ago to require an old, dear, special friend to need a place to be for a few days. We had not parted in the best way, so I was very suprised that they called - but they remembered I promised them they would never be without a home if they needed it. I meant it and so for the first time in a very long time we got to see each other. They were just amazed at the way I looked and could not stop talking about how tiny I looked...

...nothing else...

...and they worked out their issue, and are back on their way.

I am not even sure what I am trying to say, which is why I am airing it out here, I guess. I am very glad they got to see I was feeling and looking better - and there was some vanity in it - but not in a negative way. Afterwards there was a tremendous sense of let-down.

If I can't express it, how can I deal with it? Is there anyone out there that understands this?

I am not trying to create a drama-thread, this isn't a jerry Springer thing! I would however, appreciate any insight anyone can provide. It seems to be that I am sad not because I miss my friend or anything - I seem to get this way sometimes now when my weight loss isn't 'fixing' things. I think maybe because I have focused on my surgery and weight loss for twelve months now...???

[Lissa 2,631]

(((Pookey))) I don't think I understand, but here's a hug to hopefully help you deal with it all.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Thank you.

[Lyra 43]

Hmm. My answer to this is in two parts:

A year ago I ran across an old friend of mine from high school/college. We had been really close and had lived together for awhile as roommates. After college, life moved us in different directions and we lost contact. Flash forward a few years and we meet up again rather unexpectedly. After the hugs, and the talk about the 'good old days' and where everybody was it got kinda quiet. I kept looking at her and thinking, "Isn't there more? We used to be best friends and now...what?" It was almost like a stranger wearing the face of a friend. After our meeting was over I felt an emotion that I had never felt before- bittersweet. We had been so much a part of each others lives, that it was strange now to realize that things had changed and that you cannot turn back the clock. That there is no magic button that you can hit and everything POOFS and is fixed. Thus, bittersweet; the yearning for things to be other than what they are, the 'what ifs', to have unfulfilled expectations, even though you are happy in your life.

I also think that during this journey our focus turns very inward. The striving to lose weight can become the gold at the end of the rainbow, we obsess over every pound and feel euphoria over every NSV. We experience such strong emotions all around the idea of our weight. Yet even when we reach our goals we still have to get up every morning and live the life that we are living. Becoming a size 6 doesn't mean that our lives are automatically exciting, or dashing, or filled with romance. We do not suddenly have amazing jobs that fill our souls with joy and bring a song to our hearts. The weight loss gives us the physical ability to be able to go find that exciting, romantic life but in the end that final step is up to us. I kind of equate it to the metaphor that we have all been prisoners for a very long time and are suddenly granted freedom. The cage doors are open, the wilderness beckons, yet we stand at the doorway looking out at the sun. We are not used to taking that step into a new life. To throw our self into the unknown with only faith to catch us. Changing the outside can be easier than changing the inside. The prison is gone, but the prisoner mentality is still there. Yet we can learn that all we need to do is take that first step.

I don't know if I got any of this right or if I totally misunderstood your post. I'm sorry that you are feeling down and I hope that maybe this helped a little bit. Even if it didn't, know that you do have people thinking of you and wishing you well.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Hope you feel better soon...

[Vicki0618 123]

Lyra, beautifully stated!! I can't stay if you hit the nail on the head for Pookey but there is alot of truth in what you said. Fortunately or unfortunately the surgery is not on our brains!

Pookey, I hope you are journaling and working though things!! On the plus side it is wonderful that you can discuss with hubby and he is supportive! ((hugs))

[New in 2012 14]

It's a strange thing, isn't it . . . sadness or a sense of loss over something we wanted to change. Because in fact we are a contradiction, aren't we? We all want to be different (or we wouldn't have had surgery), even if just physically, but we all also want to be who we are at our very core, that part of us that is, for the most part, unchanging. And we want people to know us, the deeper us. So, for me at least, I think some people haven't been able to see past the physical part of me. Or maybe I haven't been able to see past that.

Anyway, any change in our lives, whether positive or negative, requires adjustment and change, and these adjustments and changes bring with them a sense of grief. We have to mourn what was, even when it isn't something good or if it was something we want to change.

Pookey, I think I get what you're saying. I think that when we have major changes in our lives, we think it changes everything. But it doesn't always.

I would say give yourself the space and the time to mourn what was as you move into and embrace what is and what will be. This advice is for much more than weight loss. It is about being.

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

I think sometimes this surgery makes us think harder, think more deeply about things we might have not wanted to think about when we were heavy. At least that's how it is for me. I find myself wanting to opposite outcomes when I see people I haven't seen for a long time; I want them to notice that I look better and I want the compliments, but the other part of me doesn't want any attention focused on me because I'm embarrassed that I had let myself go so much that the weight loss emphasizes that I was a mess before. Plus, I just never want people to talk about my body parts; yet if they don't say anything, I feel a bit let down......so I think it's just a heightened awareness of our new selves and our old selves and relating to old friends in a new way.......

One question I had was, how do you think the get together would have been different if you had not lost weight?

Isn't nice to have a forum to explore these interesting things?

www.queenofcrop.com

One year in the life after WLS

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Oh wow guys, thank you sooo much. Please give me some time to digest this, it was more than I had expected. Thank you again...

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Lyra - amazing, you absolutely put it into words, my thoughts exactly! We have a hunger, and being able to pinpoint just exactly what that hunger is is the $64,000 dollar question. Prior to surgery we tried to fill that hunger with food and it didn't work. The food may be gone but the hunger remains.