A Letter To Myself The Night Before Surgery- Written 1 Year Ago

[ILKrista 36]

It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I had my sleeve surgery. I was sleeved on February 23, 2011. I was convinced that I would be the one to die during surgery or to fail after having it done. The night before, I wrote myself a letter to open on the 1 year anniversary, in the event that I survived the procedure. I put off opening that letter for a couple weeks because I knew how emotional I would feel reading it. I just opened it today, and I thought I would share it with everyone. Here is a letter to myself written 2/22/11:

Krista- If you are reading this, then you made it through surgery & the first year. Hopefully, you are healthier & happier. I just want to remind you of all the reasons you did the surgery & hopefully none of them apply any more. Today, my hope for the future is:

1. To no longer fearful of being humiliated every time I go in public by someone pointing, laughing, or saying something horrible to me.

2. To no longer afraid that a child I am working with will ask me why I'm so fat, which has happened several times since I became a librarian.

3. To not be afraid I'll break a chair when I sit.

4. To not dread restaurant booths because I can only fit in about half of them.

5. To be able to climb stairs without getting winded.

6. To not dread flying; fearing the seat belt won't fit or having the person seated next to me roll their eyes & sigh when they see me.

7. To be able to wear shorts without embarrassment.

8. To not be embarrassed to have someone hug me or touch me, knowing they are feeling all my fat.

9. To be able to swim & enjoy the Water.

10. To go on a date and really be able to believe that someone could like or love me.

I feel like this list could go on forever. I only hope that if I am reading this letter, my life has improved & I'm not regretting having had this surgery. I hope I am really able to love myself and the anger I feel towards the world & how it treats me is gone.

Krista

I'm happy to say that all the hopes for my future have more or less come true. There are a few things I am still working on. I'm still about 20 pounds from my final goal, which I take full responsibility for. I have been slacking the past month & need to get back on track. I still don't like wearing shorts or swimming suits, but that is largely because of the loose skin & am dealing with & not because I feel fat. I feel like my life has improved so much from the time that I wrote that letter. It is better than I could have hoped for. Don't get me wrong, it is still not perfect & I still deal with low self-esteem and other issues. But I'm no longer miserable just because I exist. I don't hate how I look or hate having people look at me. I don't avoid photos or going out with friends. I feel like I am finally living a normal life & I am happy with that. I hope all of you can or will soon be able to say the same.

I couldn't figure out how to attach before & after pictures, so here is the link to my album: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/

Krista

[DanityChai 30]

That is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I'm having my revision to Vgs in May and I'm going to do the same thing. You are truly an inspiration.

[carbgrl 119]

Congratulations on your success! I'm sure you will get to your goal. What a great idea to write yoursefl a letter. We all need little reminders to stay on track.

Thanks for sharing.

[Charlotte 23]

What a very smart thing to do (writing yourself a letter). You have done great on your journey 110lbs is awesome. Congrats and best wishes for your continued success.

[Deb of Maryland 17]

Thank you for sharing your letter all of those reasons you listed rang so close to my heart as well. Only 6 days after my surgery I appreciate reading your past and seeing your present results.

[ILKrista 36]

Oh, I just upload some before photos & some 1 year photos. I couldn't figure out how to attach them to my post, so I created an album. Hopefully the link will work.

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/

[Liberated Sleeve 148]

What an awesome idea! I intend to borrow the idea from you as well because although I have made it through several surgeries the concern that this time might result differently is there of course. One thing that struck me when I was reading your post was that I have been diligent in preparing such as: Making sure the following documents are handy: Will, Medical Power of Attorney, HIPPA Release Authorization, Advance Directive. But, what I had failed to think about is that although I know that my children know how much I love them, how much they mean to me and how very proud I am of them, I should still write them letters too, in case the worst case scenario happens and I fall into that <1% category!

Since surgery is Monday, guess I better get to writing!

Thank you for sharing!!

[lsereno 2,525]

Krista,

Thanks so much for sharing your story! Happy Belated-Sleevisversary to you! You look fabulous! If you haven't already, come join us in the <30 to goal group. That last 20 is the hardest!

Lynda

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

That is a great idea! So glad to hear that you are close to goal and feeling much better about life in general. You look like a new healthier and happier person and that is amazing!

[AllForMy4 58]

Your letter brought me to tears! What a great idea! I am 6 weeks out,but am still pondering on writing a letter to myself now that I read yours. =) We had similar stats! I am 5'3" highest weight was 269,weight on day of surgery was 254,and I am now 228. You look great and have done an awesome job!! An inspiration to myself and others I'm sure! ((HUGS))

[nowatgoal 77]

What an incredibly emotional and touching letter and I love the idea of writing it to yourself and opening it one year later. I remember having the same fear you did - This sudden and horrible fear right before surgery that something would go wrong and I wouldn't live through it. I kept saying, "If I just wake up and survive the surgery, I will be able to handle anything else that comes with this VSG journey."

I loved the before and after pics too! You look amazing and I'm really happy for you! Congratulations!

[Meljp 36]

Beautiful letter! I was so touched reading it. You should be very proud of your accomplishments! I am only 5 days out and I want to tell you that you are an inspiration to me!!! Bless You! Melanie:)

[amber1974 1]

It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I had my sleeve surgery. I was sleeved on February 23' date=' 2011. I was convinced that I would be the one to die during surgery or to fail after having it done. The night before, I wrote myself a letter to open on the 1 year anniversary, in the event that I survived the procedure. I put off opening that letter for a couple weeks because I knew how emotional I would feel reading it. I just opened it today, and I thought I would share it with everyone. Here is a letter to myself written 2/22/11:

Krista- If you are reading this, then you made it through surgery & the first year. Hopefully, you are healthier & happier. I just want to remind you of all the reasons you did the surgery & hopefully none of them apply any more. Today, my hope for the future is:

1. To no longer fearful of being humiliated every time I go in public by someone pointing, laughing, or saying something horrible to me.

2. To no longer afraid that a child I am working with will ask me why I'm so fat, which has happened several times since I became a librarian.

3. To not be afraid I'll break a chair when I sit.

4. To not dread restaurant booths because I can only fit in about half of them.

5. To be able to climb stairs without getting winded.

6. To not dread flying; fearing the seat belt won't fit or having the person seated next to me roll their eyes & sigh when they see me.

7. To be able to wear shorts without embarrassment.

8. To not be embarrassed to have someone hug me or touch me, knowing they are feeling all my fat.

9. To be able to swim & enjoy the Water.

10. To go on a date and really be able to believe that someone could like or love me.

I feel like this list could go on forever. I only hope that if I am reading this letter, my life has improved & I'm not regretting having had this surgery. I hope I am really able to love myself and the anger I feel towards the world & how it treats me is gone.

Krista

I'm happy to say that all the hopes for my future have more or less come true. There are a few things I am still working on. I'm still about 20 pounds from my final goal, which I take full responsibility for. I have been slacking the past month & need to get back on track. I still don't like wearing shorts or swimming suits, but that is largely because of the loose skin & am dealing with & not because I feel fat. I feel like my life has improved so much from the time that I wrote that letter. It is better than I could have hoped for. Don't get me wrong, it is still not perfect & I still deal with low self-esteem and other issues. But I'm no longer miserable just because I exist. I don't hate how I look or hate having people look at me. I don't avoid photos or going out with friends. I feel like I am finally living a normal life & I am happy with that. I hope all of you can or will soon be able to say the same.

I couldn't figure out how to attach before & after pictures, so here is the link to my album: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/

Krista[/quote']

Thank you for sharing. You made me cry. I think a lot of us felt the same way (and still do). You have come a long way since last year. Even though I didn't write myself a letter I remember feeling the the same way. First couple weeks before surgery I thought I might not make it through surgery but even with that in mind I knew I had to do it. I wasn't living life for some time and really wanted a new healthier, happier me. So I did it and here I am. Made it through surgery. I know that my life will be completely different next year. I too will post a similar story like yours. Thank you so much for sharing your personal feelings and your great transformation!!

[1Bumblebee 8]

Krista, you are absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Tana_Q 20]

Wow, you look amazing, like a totally different person! Thank you for sharing and what a great idea. I'm going to write a letter to self too.