What The Bleep Am I Doing To Myself, Oh Yeah, Stuffing My Face!

[Viola 15]

I spent thousands of dollars going to another country getting the sleeve and 10 months later I've lost 50 pounds and eating like a pig again. I've gained 5/8 pounds and no sight of stopping. I'm scared, I'm scared that I'm going to keep eating and gaining, I'm scared that I'll be back to 225 or more in a couple of months and all the money I've spent is for nothing. Last night as I ate my third or fourth piece of toast with butter, let’s not forget the butter! the voice in my head is screaming at "WTF are you doing?" I see other folks who seem can only eat a little and they are done, I can't say the same. I feel like I did before the surgery. After I had the surgery my relationship with food changed, it didn't have the chokehold on me anymore...but now its back and worse. I'm the biggest failure on this site. I'm so happy and green with envy when I read the posts of folks who got it together and doing well. I just didn't think I would ever be here again.

In my desperation I called my primary doctor and set up an appointment to talk with her. I don't even know if she knows I got WLS....I want to get a full work up. I want to get on Atkins and get that carb monkey off of me. I need help and I don't know where to turn. I’m scared that I'll be like before; I'll be starting a new diet every Monday for the rest of my life. I feel like such a failure.

[Feeling Free 51]

I understand this must be very hard for you. You are doing the right thing though by asking for help. I have not been sleeved yet so I have no real advice to offer but I do want you to know that you're not alone.

I read a thread the other day that mentioned the 5 day pouch test and how it had helped the poster ( sorry I don't remember who the poster was). I searched for it on youtube and found some interesting videos and I think maybe you should check it out. Who knows, it may help.

[yecats 109]

Look for Little Miss Diva, she has the 5 day boot camp post that helps you get back on track.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Toast and butter is a slider for me... I love it, but only eat with or after Protein so I am satisfied with one or two half slices. I imagine if you tweak your diet, you will have better luck with the weight loss. You know, protein first, veggies second and carbs third. Glad you are going in to see your Doc.

[Chris T 0]

Hi Viola,

I know how you feel. I have been grazing like crazy. I was sleeved September 19, 2011, and have lost 58lbs. I am sooo happy with my weight loss but I feel like I am sabatoging myself like I did in the past. I go to bed every night dissapointed in myself and promise I will be better tomorrow, and tomorrow I graze again. Not everyone has got it all together. Certainly not me.

[blackanese25 160]

Im sorry that you are feeling this way, and im glad that you are taking steps to help correct your self sabotoge...I really think that you should take a look at the boot camp thats pinned to the forum by lilmissdiva.. it may be a great tool to help you get back on the right track again. And my honest advice is.. when you wake up in the mornin.. dont hate yourself for what you did the day before, because it will automatically put you in a slump and make you feel bad, and im sure like a few people on here that bad feeling is what makes you eat in the first place.

wake up and know that today is a new day whatever happend yesterday can't be fixed or changed, but TODAY can be different. start as if its a new diet every day, that way you can try and manage. Its how i work on my stuff to. Everyday is a new day and everyday you have your slate wiped clean.

I hope you can get your food issued under control. I would suggest also calling your nut and seeing what they recommend.

Good luck to you!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Yes, this is the time to get help. Perhaps you might look into seeing therapist. This is the time to get your head hunger under control. Work on getting the triggers for your bad eating habits under control. Also, I highly recommend LilMissDiva's basic boot camp. It has worked for me numerous times. Stay away from the carbs. Yes, bread is a big slidder!

[KellyL 173]

I agree with letting go of the guilt/self hatred for what happened yesterday, but instead plan for the day. Have all kinds of Protein stuff available and no carb stuff around, don't even bring it into your house. Have plenty of string cheese, boiled eggs, deli meat, almonds, pistachios, pecans, Protein Bars, deviled eggs, ready to drink Protein Drinks. Never be unprepared at home or when going out. I take string cheese and nuts in my purse every time I leave the house. Sometimes even a Protein Shake. Even if you have to eat out for some reason, every restaurant has a meat or salad option. If you are bored with what you have been eating, look for easy low carb recipes or modify regular ones. You can do this, it takes some effort yes, but you are worth it!! Hang in there, we can all do this together.

[Viola 15]

Just got off the phone with my mom.....there is nothing like talking to my mommy, its amazing. I'm 43 years old and mom is still sunshine in a bottle to me. She was soothing and said some of the same things ya'll said too. She made me promise to take a walk tomorrow for 10 minutes at least and that I would feel the sunshine on my face and enjoy the Florida weather and that I'd end up walking longer and not even notice. What idiot would jump in front of a bus on purpose? That's what I feel like when I'm binge eating. I've got to stop the madness now what you guys posted and my mom just gave me that encouragement.

I pledge to walk tomorrow as promised to my mom. Eat only Proteins and drink my Water, so help me my Lord and Savior. I must get through tomorrow.....24 hours is all,right?..Yes, just focus on 24 hours...one hour at a time...... I feel like I'm a crack addict or something.

I'll post my progress tomorrow just to keep me honest. Thank you ya'll.

[Shemy-away 83]

Yes, just focus on 24 hours...one hour at a time...... I feel like I'm a crack addict or something.

Well said and this statement will be my motto from now on. I understand we fight our demons forever. Wishing you the best of luck.

[DebiC 181]

I was just at my therapists Monday and he said if focusing for 24 hours was too hard, do it for 1 hour, 1 minute, 1 second.

I have been coming to this site for about 5 months now and it's only been in this past week that I have seen so many people writing about being a failure.

This is a HARD thing we have chosen to do. Harder than most of us ever thought it would be. And we all knew that the surgery would not help with the emotional issues that got us where we were in the first place.

My surgeon said to tell him immediately if I ever started getting hungry and he has a PA who deals only with that.

If you can't afford a therapist, at least look into going to Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous (it's free). You are not the first person to have to deal with a food addiction, nor will you be the last, so let others

help you get back to where you want to be.

Good luck, and keep us posted how it's going.

[christin 54]

One day at a time is a good focus. You can do it!

[Viola 15]

Well I made it through the day. I volunteered at my son's school for picture day and I think getting out and doing something other than being home helped me on many levels. I was talking to adults for one and not just be sweet 5 yr old. I was on my feet walking and getting my hussle on getting things done for 6 hours and when I got home I was just dog tierd. I drank all my 60 oz of Water and drank a shake for Breakfast, two boiled eggs for lunch, sting cheese for snack and beef tips with a cup of greenbeans, and a salad with ranch dressing. I had one sugarless gum to keep my mouth busy. I feel like my mood and attitude was much more focused on what I needed to do. I was determined that was for sure. I even got a complement from a lady at the school who knew I'd gotten the surgery but hadn't seen her since May. It really made my day and gave me even more motivation. I'm going to be early because I'm going to sub at the middle school tomorrow. Thanks everyone for your help and encouragment. Thank you Jesus for giving me the strength I'd thought I lost.