I Am A Failure

[royboy 40]

You weren't mean Pookyism, You spoke the truth. I don't even know what someone expects when they post a post like this. They need to be addressing this with a shrink and not here in my opinion.

I'm here to help anyone whom needs it, but on the other hand, if they want to self destruct? They are on their own.

[gmanbat 5,889]

As you have gathered from the excellent posts that have gone before, the sleeve is far from being just another diet scheme. Other diets you can mess around and no permanent damage. This is a permanent and serious procedure. During my argumentative stage with my wife, (she got the roux n y before I got my sleeve), I told her it was the equivelent of putting a gun to your head to stop overeating. Drastic words but essentially true. I know I could kill myself right now at any buffet in town just by eating. I could also smoke and infect myself to the point of death. I am improving my health greatly but I could ruin it quickly beyond the point of help by being stupid.

this is a video of the procedure which is similiar to ours. Pretty serious stuff. (Caution: graphic)

[circa 333]

You do really need to deal with this issue - just because it goes in, doesn't mean it belongs there - and you obviously know that. There are strict guidelines for a reason - and its not to make you lose weight faster, its not to make you suffer, its FOR YOUR SAFETY. You could be pushing on your stomach closure and compromising its integrity - meaning, you could be causing a leak. There are been several stories on here of people eating things they shouldn't and causing a leak.

Deal with your head hunger immediately. Don't wait to speak to the surgeon, get yourself some help NOW.

[MuddySoles 9]

Omg im scared for you. I'm 5 days post op and I'm so afraid of what hits my pouch. Please don't take any risks, your stomach isn't even completely healed yet and those solids so early in recovery can't be good for you.

I'm struggling with the foods that have been brought around me the past few days but that's all in our head! Our stomach or pouch isn't craving it. It's that kind of mentality that got us doing a surgery like this to begin with. I would never want to have put my body through all this just to cheat myself especially so early in the game.

Well the first step was admitting you are wrong so let's hope it's uphill from here. Take care Girlie and good luck to you! You are strong! You can beat the cravings and leave those bad habits in the past where they belong.

[Michelle Wolfe 9]

I am not going to be rude and make you feel worse about the situation as I feel some others have done. People make mistakes. I just wanted to suggest not only finding a therapist, but one who specializes in treating bariatric surgery patients. My therapist had RNY so she knows what I'm going through for the most part. It has been tremendously helpful! Best of luck to you and remember that tomorrow is a new day, and a new chance to get back on track!

[Amanda 3.0 140]

Everyone else has already said it all, but I think you should call your surgeon's office first thing in the morning and ask for some resources for help. You need to get this under control before you hurt yourself. Please also ask your friends and family to support you on this. Can someone come and stay with you who will make sure you stick to your post-surgical diet? Maybe they can even speak to the surgeon's office with you or review your literature if you were given any so that they understand exactly what you need to be doing?

You don't want to hurt yourself, and you want this to be a success. Please get help ASAP!

[sgraff47 3]

Have you every heard of overeater's anonymous? Do you have one in your area? We have food issues, no matter what size we are or our stomachs are. It's not your fault. We are who we are: compulsive overeaters. This is something we can overcome with support.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

This sounds definately like a compulsion. As a mental health specialist, I would recommend that you see a doctor because the most effective treatment is therapy in conjunction with medication to help alleviate the compulsion so you can work on eliminating the compulsion to eat. I believe you really want to be successful or you wouldn't have had the surgery. Right now, you are at risk of causing permanent damage to your body and therefore warrants urgent care. Don't mean to scare you, but this is a really serious matter. We care about you and want you to get HELP!

Please keep us informed.

[DebiC 181]

I was going to mention OA, but I see someone else already has. If you can't afford a therapist (or in addition to a therapist) this is a great place to go. These groups have years of experience dealing with addictions, which I'm sure at least 99% of us have (whether we are ready to admit it or not).

I can totally relate to how you are feeling, and part of the problem with addictions is that even if you know you are harming yourself, it doesn't matter as long as you feed your addiction. It takes more than a couple of weeks to stretch out your stomach-but that doesn't mean you didn't damage it, since it is not done healing.

Also, if things are this bad now and you don't get a handle on it, you really will be setting yourself up to fail. I personally have known several people who gained their weight back after undergoing WLS-so it can and does happen.

Thanks for sharing that video. I had studied up on the procedure before having surgery-but not actually watched a procedure. I just have 1 comment-Why the heck couldn't they suck out all that fat while they were in there???????? Wouldn't that have been nice? I see now why my surgeon said my surgery was very difficult. Too much fat to even see what he was doing!!

I have to say this has been both the hardest and easiest weight related program I have done. And I know we all deal with temptation. But unless we can deal with the emotional stuff, in addition to the physical stuff, we will have a much harder, if not impossible chance of long term success.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Off topic but I have wondered the same, but I suppose it is to get in there, get it done and get back out. I would love to see the difference in what the surgery is like on a fatty liver and a firm liver - that liver was FIRM, and an excellent argument for the pre-op diet.

[KellyL 173]

If you are feeling that weak right now and out of control, you should keep yourself out of the situations that put the wrong kind of food within your reach. Keep ONLY food that you are allowed and have Protein in it. At 2 wks out, most people are just moving from clear to full liquids. I am not sure of your Surgeons post-op diet, but you need to keep it with you and tell yourself constantly that those liquids are your ONLY CHOICES. If we let ourselves think we have options, or put ourselves in situations where we expect safe foods to just be there for us, that's being unrealistic. Don't go to any fast food or restaurants right now, keep your fridge and cupboards filled with allowed stuff, and mute or change the channel off of food commercials. If others are eating junk around you that you can't have, and you feel tempted, leave the room till the junk is gone. Communicate with your friends and family about whats going on and how you can't be around them currently till you move to a different food stage. I don't expect my family to diet with me, but if they bring in something that is especially hard for me to resist, I ask them not to bring in more than they can eat in one sitting. For instance, ice cream. I ask them to get a single pint serving and not a half gallon or gallon to sit in the freezer for a wk or more. Because I don't want it to be a temptation for me in a weak moment. Stay on these forums for support. If you really want some encouragement to stay on track during the first stage of your post op diet, go find the complications threads and read up on what people are going through with complications and leaks. While they did not cheat and cause their complications, it might help you be more realistic about the possibilities of a leak occurring. And it is very dangerous to be cheating at this stage. I figure you know that, but in your post, I notice you are talking more about cheating and being a failure and stretching your sleeve out. I just want you to realize that there is much more at stake here than that you aren't going to continue to lose weight. You could literally cause a leak which is life threatening and could be fatal.

I hope you take better care of yourself from here on out. You need to take care of yourself just as you would someone you love, like your child, and work on loving yourself. None of the advice I am giving is coming from a cruel or judgmental place. I am genuinely concerned for you and I hope things get easier for you. I know this isn't easy for any of us, but immediately post-op is the most critical time to be compliant with the rules.

[KellyL 173]

P.S. I just read your second post where you said you are a Server and you are going back to work. I think going back to work in a restaurant in your current state of mind is the wrong thing for you right now. Until you get some counseling and your head straight, being around food that much is not going to improve your situation and could be a big mistake. I know everyone has to work and pay bills, but again, this is very serious and you need to view it as a medical issue, not as a dieting issue. See if you can take another couple of wks, so that at least your sleeve will be more healed so if you do cheat, maybe it won't be as dangerous. And if you absolutely cannot avoid temptation or cheating, there are things like runny Soups, mashed potatoes, and refried Beans with cheese or yogurts that would be a lot less dangerous for you right now than the foods you said you had eaten. Again, I am concerned and trying to help.

[teambrown4 19]

Please take in some of the advice given here. You may need professional therapy help vs help from well meaning people who in the end, can't help you if you are not ready to help yourself.

You are hurting yourself and I'm sure you know this? Talk to someone that can get it through this with training in this area. Please.

Good luck and I do pray you can recover well:)

[firstday 7]

I am not going to cheat because I don't want this entire experience to be a waste! I did not go thru all of this to end up stretching my stomach to where it was in the first place.

I have heard that antacids help with hunger.

[Liliana Arleen 173]

I think that the damage was done and we should not judge Lovepink. I mean yeah this surgery is something serious and if you advance your food stages after surgery , this can cause serious problems , like food getting stuck on your staple line because still very swollen at 2 weeks out. What you did is done and there is no turning back . Get yourself back on track and follow the sleeve rules and you will be sucesful .Think about it ,you did this to improve your health and look better. And everything in this life comes with sacrifices . Seek for a professional counselor. Tomorrow is a new day , take a deep breath and start over.

Good luck !!