I Am A Failure

[lovePINK 31]

I cannot believe myself... I've been cheating on my diet pretty much this entire time since Ive been sleeved 2 weeks ago. I started in week one eating tuna, then now in week two I've progressed on to even worse... Things I know I definitely should not be eating but somehow I can cheat and tolerate everything I've put in my sleeve.. I am so embarrassed and ashamed with myself that at 16 days out I'm screwing up as bad as I am. Everyday I wake up and tell myself that Im going to do better today but I always end up cheating.... I've lost 16.7 lbs since surgery and I know it would be more if I could just stick to the plan.. Has anyone else had trouble adjusting to this new lifestyle change this early on?

[carbgrl 119]

I'm hungry and I wish I could eat regular food but, I'm to scared to cause damage to my sleeve. I don't want to risk any complications.

Please don't put yourself at risk. We're worth it. It's only a couple of weeks.

[alexeleni 15]

I definitely had trouble! I am lucky, I am 4 weeks out and have a very forgiving sleeve, but I really really wanted to cheat. Some things that kept me sane, but were still mostly ok:

Greek yogurt the 2% kind (tastes like it has fat and is delicious, especially the Peach Fage flavor)

Saltines with creamcheese

mashed potatos

Tomato Soup, the creamy kind.

Don't worry too much about calories right now. Just don't hurt yourself! That is most important.

[AbacoRaveness 44]

I am 19 days out and I have been lucky in that everything I've tried to eat has gone down and stayed down without a hitch. There have been a few things I've eaten that I probably shouldn't have -- a Reese's mini on Valentine's Day and a BK 4pc chicken tender (though I could only eat two at a time so it lasted for two "meals"). But, I spent alot of time with a counselor before I had this surgery. She forced me to look closely at all the reasons I was doing this and because of that I try to think about everything I put in my mouth and if thats contributing to or counting against my long-term goal. So, if you're really feeling alot of guilt over this, it might be time to talk to a professional who can help you with your emotional eating, head hunger, and guilty feelings. It's really helpful in alot of ways.

That said, if you've lost 16lbs in 16 days you are doing wonderfully! You didn't say what you've eaten that is bad, but is there a chance you're being too hard on yourself?

[lovePINK 31]

i've eaten CRAZY things that i dont even think i should be able to fit into my sleeve.. it started with some tuna in week 1... then in week 2 i've cheated with FAST FOOD.... junk food, chik fil a 8pc nuggets (how the *** was i even able to eat that?) last night was THE WORSE. i had 2 snickerdoodles, a piece of a auntie annes pretzel, and a few bites of a burger king cheeseburger & a few fries.. like seriously? wtf is wrong with me.. and even worse, did i stretch my sleeve out that far? there is no way i should be able to eat like this but i have been.. i think im ruining my restriction... i know the damage i can be doing but i still do it?.. i feel like i have a true severe food addiction.. i need help.

[royboy 40]

My first thought is why would you write this here? So your cheating and trying to reverse everything that you have accomplished so far? I think you need to see a counselor. I mean, what do you want anyone from this forum to say to you, that you haven't already heard or know.

There is nothing to say other than you need to see a professional about your problem.

[gmanbat 5,889]

I know the feeling. Hey, I was the walking land mass that would make buffet owners cry like babies when I walked in. Chinese? Two mountain plates plus dessert.

How do I cope now? Small dishes. When I make a can of Soup I pour most of it in a storage container and the small amount I can eat in my mini-bowl. I pay attention while I eat, watching TV can ruin concentration.

I try to have something planned right after I eat so I have a distraction from wanting to stuff. My sleeve will let me eat too much but slam me a couple of minutes later for it so I have to take my time and I have had to pick up on the subtle feeling that I am full before the uncomfortableness hits. A big, tough guy like me has to "get in touch with his feelings".

Wife and I were talking about how it was drilled in our head as kids to "clean up your plate". Something to do with kids somewhere who wouldn't starve if I ate it all. I never could figure out how my stuffing could make them feel better. Anyway, we decided wasting is good. So is take home bags.

I have found that if I make my 50-75 gram Protein shake in the morning and hit it off and on through the day I am less hungry. And LOTS of Water helps. You almost have to have one in your hand all the time. If I wake up during the night I get a couple sips from the bottle on my nightstand.

We did not take the "easy way to lose weight" as some numskulls accuse us of. This is hard work. But it IS effective and so worth it in renewed health and hotness!

[Smoggy 152]

Hi there LovePINK (Love the handle!)

First of all- don't beat yourself up. What's done is done. Make a new start and stick to an eating plan. Ask the people around you to help you, not tempt you. Calling yourself a failure when you haven't even started on your journey yet is only going to be part of a self-fulfilling prophecy which makes it easy to give up.

The thing is to completely realise that you could at any moment harm your insides and nothing is worth that. Certainly not a few bites of burgers and french fries. You need to take a good hard look at yourself and admit to the food addiction and the 'head hunger' problem and actively DO something about it. Whether that means making yourself accountable in some way, or going to see a counsellor specialising in food disorders - DO IT. This is your life and your health. You are responsible for it. You have got this far and made such a huge brave step forward having surgery in the first place, step up to the plate and complete the process.

[lovePINK 31]

Thank you guys.. It is nice to have support here because I have really been struggling and it's starting to make me depressed. I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow for my 2 wk follow up, I'm going to tell her that Ive been struggling and have made some bad choices and see if she can give me some advice on what to do next. I know I need to speak to a counselor, hopefully that will help me deal with my addiction with food. Today I go back to work (I'm a server) and I hope i can deal with being around all the food... I'm going to keep a bottle of Water with me all day to avoid off track. It's hard to not feel like a failure when I've screwed up so bad this early in the journey...I don't want to be one of those ppl who have wls and still end up fat.

[2BThinAlways 17]

I'm not saying this to lecture, but just in case there is a chance that you are unaware: eating any sorts of solid foods this early after surgery can cause your stomach to leak, which can become a life-threatening complication. I'm not judging you; every single one of us struggles or we wouldn't be here. I hope that you find the way to keep your eating safe for you and your sleeve. Hugs!

[longer-life 139]

...I don't want to be one of those ppl who have wls and still end up fat.

Or dead!

Sorry to be so dramatic, but it has happened and you need to know that.

On a more practical note, don't just keep Water around at work, keep Protein shakes and creamy strained Soups in a drinkable container so you can be full all day. Sip constantly! Perhaps every time you ring up an order? Good luck. I hope you are completely honest with your surgeon and he/she can recommend a therapist. Hang in there.

[PreciousCargo 55]

Honestly, we all make mistakes. I am glad you are being honest with your addiction and are seeking help. I had to go to two months of counseling before being approved for my surgery. I have also made some wrong choices with my sleeve like having that extra bite or drinking a low fat choc milk instead of sugar free, it was a honest mistake. However, there were consequences such as vomiting. Everyday, I struggle with food, head hungar. But I am learning my limitations that the sleeve is providing. Two suggestions that I have read that are helpful, eat/drink Protein throughout the day (keeps you full) and seek counseling. Remember the reasons you had your surgery. The sleeve does help but we also have to put some work into it. Good luck... PS maybe you should seek employment away from food, ah the temptations lol

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

LovePink: It would be a great ideal to take all the junk food and stuff out of your house and put it in the trash! You don't need that stuff. When you talk with your surgeon, ask them for a PPI (prilosec, nexium, tums etc) and also take some light yogurt, Jello SF, or some Soup broths. If you eat at work, get some broth when you have an urge to have something you shouldn't have. Drink some low calorie gatorade to crunch the sweet tooth. You are going to get this under control, and today is the day. You made some mistakes that can definately cause a leak. As you know, you sleeve hasn't healed yet and your stapleline is at risk. Take care and write about it and let us know how your doing. There's no such thing as a failure!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Keep in mind your stomach had the nerve ending cut. You may not be able to feel what is going on in there when you eat what you have been eating. Just because you CAN put fast food in there, does not mean no damage is being done. Get help, in a few weeks you will be able to eat more variety. After 6 weeks the stomach is mostly healed.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I am going to post, but I am not a doctor or counselor.

This is more than head hunger. This is more than if your tummy can take it. I bet you are also drinking fluids with your food, and that will make it easier to eat more, and you will be able to push more food through.

You should not be eaing at all two weeks out. But you know that.

Everyone is being very nice and supportive but I am going to be a bit different. You are a grown woman who has cut away your stomach in order to lose weight. You have lost weight so you think the cheating won't matter - you have two sets of facts in your head and you are going to have to decide which you believe. Do you believe you can go on doing this and it won't matter because obviously you have lost weight, or will you decide upon the actual truth, which is you are doing damage to your body, continuing old habits, and setting yourself up to fail?

If you keep stuffing food you still do not have an excuse - you cant go back to eating like that, using the excuse that you ruined your restriction. I will give you the information that you will now never be able to use that as an excuse again:

YOUR STOMACH WAS CUT AWAY. You had over 600cc of tummy and it was reduced to 50cc-80cc, on average. You had trocars inserted into your abdomen, another tube was passed into your stomach through your throat and the doctor used that internal tube to gauge the staples - your tummy is as big as the tube they used. You were stapled, sewn over the staples so they do not have pressure against them, and that extra tummy was put in a pouch and sucked up a tube and thrown away. Your stomach takes a long time to stretch out, it can be provided with and learn to have elasticity - to go back and forth - but that is not the stretching we are talking about. You have not stretched out your tummy. There is no excuse for the foods except you choose to.

It feels very good when we are stressed and feel like we are over our heads to get sympathy kuddos, which you are doing now. You feel lost, you did not prepere enough, and you aren't sure how to procede with something so permanent, so you just do what you always do. To make it better you confess, and get some attention and it is very unlikely unless you evaluate this on a very sincere level it will not change.

I think you anticipate being told how to fix this but no one can do that for you. Look at your environment and start fixing it.

We are a damn good community here and we want you to succeed. I can't imagine how I would have felt to be doing that after the surgery. It's all on you. Keep a journal if you have to. Write it down as you do it so you can see it adding up. Counseling is imperative - and confide in those around you - those of you you know can help. Don't allow the food in your house. Something, anything.

In no way take my post as me putting you down, or bitching, I care. I really do. I would rather be sure someone said what I did and it possibly be needed than it be left out of fear of people thinking I was too abrupt. Let us know what the doctor said, and in the meantime do what you can. You are more at risk of popping a leak in your sleeve than anything, and it it was accompanied with a hemmorage it could be fatal. I will be praying for you.

It sounds damn mean but guys, seriously, sometimes the harder stuff has to be said.