I Have Told Everyone I Know? Am I In The Minority?

[sabrina140 33]

I have noticed on quite a few threads that many people make up stories/excuses to give to work, family, etc. This makes me sad I have told everyone I know! I am proud of my decision... Am I in the minority?

I work in a fairly large company, office environment, and while I have great co-workers, of course there are those that are chatty and nosey and probably talking behind my back. But from the start of my journey to WLS (which is on Monday! Yay!) I have not kept it secret. Everyone knows I am a chubby girl, it's obvious, and I guess I feel that the more people that know the more support/accountability I will have.

I have a few friends that disagree and think I am nuts, but I do respect their opinion. I most common reaction I get is "you are not heavy enough for that!", but I am 5'5" and 264lbs! Once they actually know my numbers they realize it is a health issue... Regardless of their opinion they pray for me and love me just the same. I suppose my point is that this is LIFE changing surgery and I need all the support I can get. Whether it is a prayer, a "good luck", or simply not offering me a cupcake (there is alllllwaaaayyys food around at work), I appreciate the help. I can't imagine going through this without the support of those around me.

[mesaucedo 207]

At first I was really hesitant to tell people. I told a friend and she became really judgmental. I waited a bit and told a few of my coworkers and they were really supportive. Since then I have told pretty much everyone. The only thing I am leaving out is where I am getting it done. A lot of people freak out when I say I am getting it done in Mexico. They jump to conclusions and say I will a kidney blah blah blah!

So far everyone has been happy for me and seems to genuinely support my decision! We will see if anything changes. I agree that it would be tough to go through this alone.

[Stacey Nicole 40]

I told the people closest to me at first - but now that I have an approval and it's actually happening I'm really open about it. Not telling others would be a pain to me. I'm not going to make up stories about what's going on with me but I understand why some people do. I have taken on a "I'm taking care of myself and if you don't like it too bad" kind of attitude - I can't wait for the losers bench:)

[Malyss 31]

In my small office, WLS has been an open topic of discussion. It was something that interested me and I started discussing it when another coworker mentioned that she was looking into it. My immediate office coworkers know where I'm disappearing to next week when I go out on short term disability for my surgery.

The siblings that I've mentioned the surgery to are supportive, but I kind of wish that I hadn't told any of my family anything about the surgery because I would have enjoyed surprising them on my next visit. I live maybe 6 hours away from my family and I generally see them once a year. During my last visit, I discussed bariatric surgery with one of my nephews (he's older than I am). It was something that he's considering. I also have an ex-sister-in-law who had the gastric bypass or some form of that done and she's doing very well.

My friends know about the surgery and are being supportive. I was a little reluctant to tell my in-laws, but they now know. To an extent, I have felt a tad embarrassed about deciding to have the surgery done. Despite my many dieting adventures since at least 7th or 8th grade, I feel slightly disappointed in myself for needing this tool, the sleeve, to assist me. And on the other hand, I sometimes have a devil may care attitude and am open to discussing my plans for surgery.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I don't know if you worded it poorly, Sabrina - but because someone decided to not tell someone, or a group of people, does not make it an excuse. It most definitely does not make it something they are not proud of. I have many things I am proud of that I do not share indiscriminately with whomever. I hope anyone else reading it does not assume there is a lack of pride in discretion.

I will use the "I" instead of "us" as a group because in this context I speak for myself only.

Below I have a summation of why I decided to tell or not to tell presented to all as food for thought but also I feel we can begin to "know" each other in these posts.

I made a selective decision because I knew that not everyone would be supportive, some would be true malwishers, and some would worry too much.

For those who would not be supportive I did so that we would not immediately have to deal with this, because I can have a short fuse and would be very likely to tell someone to fudge off. I know some people that are in our circles not because we like or dislike them or they us, they are collateral acquaintances. I know some of them would be negative and I know human nature and guarantee there would be people you would not expect that would be negative. I believe in the power of thought and energy, and I also KNOW I have other friends who would either like to have the surgery or want it and (doing what so many do) are making up their minds. Maldoers just spread discontent and I do not want to offer them fuel. I do not want to give them negativity that my friends will have to listen to and ask them to shut up, or be in that awkward state of knowing someone said something and feeling bad they don't relay it (it is better not to relay it, to me anyway). I would dislike others negative comments about my surgery affecting another’s decision to have or not have the surgery. In the end it would affect many more people than just me.

Thirdly is family and friends who would just worry too much. I made an active decision to keep it away from my Mom and Dad and Granny, etc. But my Sister knew immediately. This decision goes into an unexpected area, and not everyone (please dear God no one else) has to deal with. My Mom worries about my Sister and me all the time. We are successful and mature and independent and she will always worry about us. That was my reasoning for my Mom. It changed. I was sleeved on 1/4/12. My Mom, 58 years old unexpectedly passed away in her sleep 1/11/12. If I had told my Mom, I would spend the rest of my life worrying, thinking, praying about the fact that maybe her worries over my surgery added to whatever caused her to pass.

More people know now and I may eventually tell even more. But for now, post-op, I give it little thought.

I also want to be careful around a young family member of mine who already shows signs of an eating disorder - no matter what I say, I am afraid this very young lady will only focus on one of her favorite women (she wrote a paper on me as a successful business woman - geez!) had to cut out her stomach to be skinny. I am very concerned what that might do to her.

I was just unable to lump this into a very black and white area. Not that it can't work. Everyone is different.

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

Everyone I know knows, and quite a few I don't know. I tell everyone!!! It's funny, last night I was at a Mardi Gras Parade & saw a bumper sticker that said, "GOT SLEEVE? gastricsleeve.com"...I want one!!!

[Pookeyism 1,143]

Got Sleeve? is cute. I would probably even wear a tshirt with it on it - cause you don't have a clue unless you have a clue - and I welcome questions from people once they know.

I also know as I lose more weight I will be in a position that I feel I will be almost morally responsible to let everyone know. If this were something that cured my diabetes, I would be obliged to tell - oh wait, it DID! lol. So eventually I will tell many more people.

We get back to the human nature thing - enough people know that I know so many MORE people know, you know?

[sabrina140 33]

I am certainly not saying one way or the other is correct. For each person it is a personal decision whether or not to tell someone. I was just asking to see if I was being to open with those in my life. My Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Bestfriend are the closest people to me and all four of them have tried to convince me not to do it... I am also a firm believer in Christ and have had friends from church tell me that I shouldn't do it. But all of them have slowly come around, have been curious, and are supportive. So, yes, at times I have struggled with 'am I making the right chioce?', but in my heart and for my health the choice is obvious to me.

Thank you all for chiming in! This forum has been a great support. I love knowing that I am not alone in this journey xoxo

[GEAUX SAINTS 143]

Nobody tried to talk me out of it or even had negative remarks, not to my face, anyway!!!

[Tif 2.0 141]

I've been very open about it with my family and coworkers and everyone at work has been super supportive. It's not like they don't notice that I'm overweight. The only thing I don't share is my weight or exactly how much I've lost. I just don't want anyone to think "How much did she weigh if she's lost ___ lbs?" My goal is to lose about 175, but realistically I think it will be closer to 150.

[PEvette 297]

All of my family and true friends know and I am so suprised how supportive they have been....but they know about the issues I've been having with this lapband....as far as work, only 3 co-workers know that I am having it done and they know I haven't told anyone else....I just prefer to not make it a topic of discussion, plus some of my other co-workers have made negative comments in the past of famous people who have had WLS and I rather not be the center of everyone's convos about WLS...I dont lie about it, I just avoid steering the conversation that direction...my students ask why I've been missing days (for pre-op stuff) I told them I've been having personal issues to deal with...I teach 11 year olds...

I'm happy you feel comfortable to tell everyone you know....after I have the procedure done, I people will notice a change....I may share it then or may not....who knows...

[DFD Wife 1]

First, my surgery date is Monday too, less than 48 hours to go!

Second, all of my immediate family and friends know and they are supportive. I told a few people at work and they are supportive too. I'm definitely picking and choosing who I tell, not everyone needs to know. When the weight starts to come off, then I might be more obliged to tell people how I accomplished my goal.

[Tana_Q 20]

I've told quite a few people as well. My boss and a couple of coworkers know. I am a home care nurse and have told some of my patients. I actually have a couple of patients that have had other WLS. My family is a little worried as they don't know much about WLS and they are just concerned. But they are still supportive.

[mesaucedo 207]

I think what Sabrina was referring too was how people are creating different reasons for disappearing for a bit. I have seen people say they are telling people they are getting gallbladder surgery and what not.

I am just happy that I found people are supporting me. It would be a bummer to have people try to talk you out of it.

[lyndynojo 140]

I too have told everyone that I know and now anyone that asks how I lost the weight. My reason for doing this is because I am so thankful that someone shared their story with me and I hope to do the same. And so far after seeing my results my first cousin has had the surgery and one of my best friends is in the process. I'm not a person that really needs to be approved of by others so whatever people think of my decision is their business, it doesn't bother me at all if they disapprove. Even the ones that think it is the easy way out, well yay me, I found the easy way. LOL