Husbands Anger Issues - Please give advice

[warmmorningsun 1]

I wanted to post here; your post actually touched my heart, I lived with what seems to be a similar behavior in my ex husband as well. he also was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. the medications for depression (paxil as an example) won't touch the heart of what needs to be addressed for bipolar disorder. however, there are medications for this. the problem I had with my ex husband is that he didn't feel like he had a problem, that I was the one with the problem. So, getting to an MD was not an option. And I simply ran out of energy trying to buffer the entire world from his personality. I'm not saying that is how your husband is - but I am saying that you owe it to yourself and to your children to find a way to help you too. As an adult, he may not be responsible for his chemical imbalances, but he is responsible for his actions. or lack thereof. One of the hardest things I've ever done was to walk away from him. I still feel guilt. But he was tearing me down in the process, and I knew I couldn't take care of my daughter and myself if I had to take care of him too in that state. Again, I'm not saying that your situation is as bad as mine was - but please take the time to find out what you need to do for you and your children as well. You are as important as he is. please read some information on this site and see if any of this is familiar to you all: http://www.drirene.com/theabuser.htm.

More than all things I've said: make sure you take care of you too.

Please forgive if I've overstepped my bounds or have misinterpreted things.

[Anwyn 0]

Paula, I don't have any new advice to offer but wanted to send some (((HUGS))) and support. I'm here for you if you need to talk. :hug:

[vinesqueen 2]

Hi Paula, I don't have any advice either, but wanted to give you a ((((hugs)))))

Crystal

[BPM 0]

I can't offer any advice because my wife has a great husband who never loses his temper.

:heh:

Have him watch the movie Anger Management.....it might not help...but it's funny as hell.

[Dianechef 3]

Hi Paula!! BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!

I know people like this. I think we all do. My friend's husband went to a therapist who told him that his diet was causing it. HIS DIET!! He was eating too many refined foods with lots of chemicals, sugar, caffeine & it was causing toxins in his body. He started eating whole foods & cut out all white sugar, white flour & started exercising. She says he is a new man. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Not sure if it would help.

[Bettina 0]

I ditto on the healthy diet issue. Processed foods can really set a person off...it can be totally evil. hat is something you can control and watch and see if it makes a difference or not, that would be my first step. Then a specialist. General Practicioners just don't have the background in psychological issues. I had this very discussion with my cousin the other night, his deal is stress, and she needed to be more understanding. He had walked out in a fit, even called their 3-yr old a piece of shit..ugh.....but she took my advise and everything ended up okay. (I am not a doctor but my degree is Psychology, and I think just talking made her feel better!-just got lucky I guess) I wish you and hubby all the best...your not alone...take care!

[paula 4]

Hey Guys, y'all gave SO many great responses and recommendations - I thank you for each one.

Without giving too many more details, Im going to send pm's to those that I need additional info from.

((hugs)) back to all of you...

You are all true friends!

[the best me 6]

Paula, looks like you are on the right track, then. I appreciate the codependant comments. I dated an alcoholic in college and learned alot about myself by attending AlAnon. I wonder if some of my "codependant tendencies" are still hanging around! LOL I'll pick up a book at the library today, I think.

[leatha_g 4]

AlAnon, CODA - great great 12 step groups and there are many books available. These programs saved my life, emotionally. Do I still have the tendencies? Yes, they were ingrained in me, growing up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional family. However, today, i see the red flags much earlier and I have developed new tools and new guidelines for my reactions and behaviors. I have come so far thanks to these programs and the great people you meet there.

here is a link to the Hazeldon foundation, a great resource for literature as well. http://www.hazelden.org/

The Language of Letting Go - by Melodie Beatty is still one of the most valuable books I've ever owned.

[HarleyNana 10]

Paula, my heart breaks for you, I so agree with Leatha, you're such an angel, I can't imagine anyone being mean to you.

My DH use to get so angry, I'd swear he was going to burst a blood vessel, he started taking "happy pills", OMG, what a difference. He use to let every LITTLE thing start him on a rampage, but I always pointed out the positive and he would eventually calm down. The effexor has helped greatly.

I have a 29 year old who is just like him. Let something not go his way and explosion, fast driving, terrible anger. Unfortunately, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so watch for the signs in your kids.

My 33 yr old is the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful son, (he takes after me ).

I'm sending hugs your way, please stay on this, he's got to get help or it will ruin your families life.

x:kiss2: x:kiss2: x:kiss2:

[the best me 6]

Leatha, did Melodie Beatty write Codependant No More? That's the book I was going to look for at the library. It was super helpful "back then" and helped me to realize how controlling I was being under the guise of Love. I'd have never thought I was being so manipulative, but, man, was I! Makes me wonder how I'm bringing that to my marriage. ??? I'll keep you posted! LOL

[leatha_g 4]

Leatha, did Melodie Beatty write Codependant No More? That's the book I was going to look for at the library. It was super helpful "back then" and helped me to realize how controlling I was being under the guise of Love. I'd have never thought I was being so manipulative, but, man, was I! Makes me wonder how I'm bringing that to my marriage. ??? I'll keep you posted! LOL

Yes, I believe she did and there are sequels to that book as well. I have all those books. I spent 12 years in AlAnon before my divorce (and should go back). The concepts are a great 'living' program for all life issues, not just living with an alcoholic.

[Alexandra 55]

Big hugs from me, Paula, and everyone who is dealing with this in family members. I was married to a person like this, too, but our marriage didn't survive. I'm not sorry it didn't, but I hope he's found the help he needs.

Good luck, and don't forget to take care of yourself. :hug:

[dotofoz 0]

Hi. I would ask his doctor if he/she knows of an OUTPATIENT mood disorders program. I would think a major hospital in the area would be the place to check if the doc isn't sure...I personally think once he gets rolling, you should participate in a session or two also so you'll know what he's working on. I wish you loads of luck, I know it isn't easy at all!

[Sandybells 0]

Thank you for the webpage...I am surrounded by men in my life who have anger issues. My father, my son, my husband, men I have worked for...I was beginning to think all men were like that. I will do what I can to let them hear of the information you have given.

Sincerely,

Thank you

Sandy