A Huge Change And Understanding That Just Started At Almost A Year Out

[fern 195]

I never really understood why I was fat. I blamed it on everything an everyone else. It couldn't really be ME!!! Could it??? I am going through some very hard times at work right now and I've been stabbed in the back by who I thought was a good friend. I realized that I turn to food to try and heal those wounds. I realized this mid-bite through a crunchie bar!! I truthfully had no idea!! But when I look back, I can see it!! Instead of indulging on crap, I am going for a run. In fact, I'm going for a LONG run ( to my hubbys work about 16km- or just over 10miles i think) so I can think through this crappy situation I'm in at work. Wish me luck!!!

[queenmab 1]

good luck! and good decision, too!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I never really understood why I was fat. I blamed it on everything an everyone else. It couldn't really be ME!!! Could it??? I am going through some very hard times at work right now and I've been stabbed in the back by who I thought was a good friend. I realized that I turn to food to try and heal those wounds. I realized this mid-bite through a crunchie bar!! I truthfully had no idea!! But when I look back, I can see it!! Instead of indulging on crap, I am going for a run. In fact, I'm going for a LONG run ( to my hubbys work about 16km- or just over 10miles i think) so I can think through this crappy situation I'm in at work. Wish me luck!!!

fern, watching Dr. Oz yesterday was such a huge eye opener for me. The psychiatrist on his show asked the guests (that were still there...) "Who told you that you were worthless". This made a few of the ladies cry and several others looked around like a deer caught in the headlights. Of course the ladies with the deer eyes pretended or refused to acknowledge that this could be the case for themselves.

I don't think they were really "listening" as much as "hearing" what he was saying. Someone doesn't LITERALLY have to call you worthless to make you feel that way. So, in feeling this way - we eat to fill that void... or at least we used to. It is so important to recognize the underlying factors on why any of us used to or currently over eat. What are we truly satisfying? It's definitely not to nourish our bodies if we consume far greater calories than we need to survive. No, its surely something we refuse to accept or are trying to numb by satisfying our taste buds.

I still struggle with this, and for the most part I believe I'll always have that notion in my mind to go eat when I'm feeling any kind of emotion that I can't seem to handle. Good for you on working out instead of consuming unnecessary food and calories. I love to workout too, and I also use this as a new means to get out aggression.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

A feeling of unworthiness, not of any importance highly contributes to how we look at ourselves. I was talking to my mom around 10 years ago and I was so excited and I told her that I really wanted to get to know her, she blew up, ranting at me that she did her best, and she didn't like my attitude. For god's sake, I was crying and I told her that. In the conversation, I had an epihany. It was "I didn't know what I was thinking, feeling, and was wrong on everything." At this point I realized that I couldn't handle the relationship and decided to say good bye and that I loved her. I also decided that this was such a toxic relationship and I didn't deserve this. I was always seeking her approval. That is the best think that has ever happened to me. I am so better off now and have chosen not to choice food anymore to satisfy the painful part

[fern 195]

Thanks for the replies! I ran10miles today!! I feel much better about things and I don't want to eat!! What better than that : )

[jeweladdo 20]

Fern, you just said everything I go through lately. I started a new job about 7 months ago and although I love the work and my direct team mate, most of my days are filled with worrying about if I did some of the work incorrectly because it's a very small office and perfection is key there. To help me deal with the anxiety I have turned to food during and after work. So within 6 months I have gained over 20 lbs. I need to figure out a way to stop having those anxieties and realize (which I found out yesterday that some of the people that have been there over 10 year make worse mistakes) .

I have never thought of myself as a worthy person. I always sell myself short and confidence has been decreasing with every pound I gain. I am praying for an attitude change. And to remember what is important. My life, my family and my happiness. I have to start realizing I am worthy too. Reading your post just brought out all kinds of emotions. Thank you guys for sharing.

[lsereno 2,525]

Fern,

Thanks for sharing your struggle and your positive solution. As I get closer to goal, it's important for me to read how others in maintenance are dealing with every day issues and keeping the weight off.

I can see exercise is a huge win-win for burning a few calories, giving me a little alone time to think things through, and burning off bad feelings by wearing myself out a little bit.

Life at goal: here I come!!

Lynda

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Wow you are awesome!

[fern 195]

Now that I realize some of my triggers, hopefully I can start to deal with them head on.... Before anxiety triggers the need for bad food. That's the hope anyways.

Btw- after reading my original post, what I said about "it couldn't be me could it??" was meant as sarcasm. Of course I now know it's me that has the problem. I just hope I have the reins on it now!!

It's interesting though, my brother is in rehab at the moment for drugs and alcohol. He used alcohol to cope, I used food. As do the other woman in my family. I feel like I'm still going through a kind of food rehab. Where I have beaten the food addiction, but struggle to keep it away. I feel close to my brother because of this. I feel like I know what he's going through for some weird reason.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

fern - I really understand whee you are coming from. I, too, used food in the wrong way to meet all sorts of emotional needs. I really think I used food like an alcoholic uses liquor or a drug addict their drug of choice. Talking to a family member that is 20+ years clean and sober - the behaviors and the feelings that drive the behaviors are the same.

I am working every day to keep from using food incorrectly. Exercise does help. You are doing great witht the running! My exercises of choice are the elliptical and Zumba.

Take care.

Sharon

[FishingNurse 1,210]

Thanks for sharing!