No Family Support

[xraylinny 11]

Hey Everyone! Didnt know where else better I can b***h and complain than here! So, Im 29 years old with a gorgeous 18 month old girl and a supportive husband. My older sister (who was always a size 6 ) and my mom are so not supportive and its driving me NUTS!

Ever since I started my research for the sleeve my family have been so unsupportive of me. I dont care that they dont approve, but I have told them they dont have to like it,but they will respect my decision. I told my mom exactly what the surgery entailed and what my eating pattern would be post op. She even did her own research and commented that she didnt know part of my stomach was going to be removed. Fast forward a few weeks and I am now 2 weeks post op and she keeps bringing up that she didnt know part of the stomach was removed and if she knew that, she wouldve jumped in front of the stretcher at the hospital!! And now on top of all this...she keeps saying that my daughter will be my only child because I wont be able to have another child with the new stomach! I have given her so much research information and packets from my surgeon. I just wish my family would be supportive like they said they would!! Sorry for the venting!!

[brandymarie81 108]

Oh honey I feel ya! I am still 23 days away from being sleeved and the ONLY family support I have is my cousins husband whom I normally cant stand! My grandparents (who raised me) are both deceased but if they were alive I KNOW that they would back me 100%. Honestly, the reason my other family members don't support me is because they are jealous. I don't even talk about it with them anymore and I have found that I really don't care to see or speak to them. They are my family, if they can't support me and be happy then forget them. In your case though, I would say to my mom that if she can't understand the reasons that you chose to have this particular surgery is so that you are healthy and will live longer to be around and raise the one child that you already have and the (insert your own number) children that you and your husband want to have in the future, and she can either like it or lump it but the surgery is over and done so they can't put your stomach back. Also, next time she says that she would have jumped in front of them as they wheeled you to the OR...tell her you had given them strict instructions to mow down ANYONE that got in the way!

"Skinny" people will NEVER understand the issues that "Fat" people go through on a daily basis. Until they have walked a mile in a fat suit they can't truly understand the physical and emotional pain that most of us endure and even place on ourselves.

[Lissa 2,631]

Well, I couldn't walk a mile in my fat suit, so there! LOL

I think you just need to tell your mom that it's too late to change it and she can either get on board and encourage you, or get out of your way. As for not having more kids... SEVERAL gals here have had healthy pregnancies.

[Dooter 1,457]

In fact....this surgery has MADE it possible for some to get pregnant who previously could not! They don't have to live in your body. You'll get plenty of support around here!

[brandymarie81 108]

Well I could walk a mile in my fat suit...it would just take a few hours...and there would be LOTS of stops! lol.

I plan on having another child after I get down to a healthier weight...and my Obgyn and surgeon said that there would be NO issue with that..

[smkeller 3]

Well, if she or they don't baby sit for you or otherwise help you out, I would consider bringing out a big gun (figuratively, of course) and tell her that if you hear ONE MORE negative comment about your surgery, then she won't be seeing her grandchild for three months. That should do the trick.

[takingmylifebacc 21]

I am very sorry to hear about your situation especially since I know so many people have such an awesome family support group. I don't mean any disrespect, but ask your mother since when did women start carrying babies in their stomach as oppose to their uterus...... BAM!!!!!

[circa 333]

People's self-imposed ignorance is kindof humorous to me. They have no idea how much they sound like an idiot. I typically laugh at it because you can't enlighten those that demand sitting in the dark. All you can do is nod and smile. I'm sure by the way you're talking that there's no "M.D." after your mother's name, so her opinion on your medical condition and your ability to have future children is really quite moot.

I personally am the kind of person that would say "yes, I'm not going to have another grandchild, I'm afraid voluntary stupidity skips a generation and I don't want my kids to get it from you" but hey - that's just me.

It really doesn't matter what you tell her - she's not going to change her mind until she decides to change her mind. Live your life, let her do the panicking and worrying.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

OMG! Your mom is such a drama queen. If you can step back and look at the picture, who's problem is this? It's her problem of course. Aren't you glad that you are thinking rationally. When you mom acts like a drama queen, smile and step back and enjoy the entertainment. If it bothers you, then tell her in a loving way and everytime she brings it back up, refuse to discuss the issue with her. Give her a time out! Sorry, I didn't mean to be so direct. Enjoy today and watch you body do it's thing now! Oh, and you will have more babies if you choose.

[Helen the Cat 42]

Linny, I am SO sorry that your family doesn't choose to support you in your decision. My husband was "iffy" about my surgery to begin with, but has been really supportive since I went ahead with it and have done really well.

I didn't tell my Mom, not because she wouldn't be supportive, but because she is 90 years old, and I didn't want to worry her. At the time I had my surgery, she was living in Iowa, and I was living/working in California. So there were prolonged periods of time when she didn't see me anyway.

I told my sister, who lives down the street from Mom ( Mom is still in her own home, driving, her car, playing the organ for church, leading sing-a-long at local nursing home, etc. Very active!). My sis knew what was happening, and I left it up to her to tell Mom if anything happened to me. Fortunately, nothing at all happened, except that I have now lost 100 pounds. I have since moved back home to Iowa, and Mom has never asked HOW I lost the weight, and so I haven't said anything to her about the surgery.

But it must break your heart to have your Mom making comments like that to you! Please know that you are in my prayers! I don't think we ever outgrown the need for our parents approval, and itcan hurt so much when a parent makes a comment about things we have done that can't be changed!

Although I know that my Dad loved me a lot, he was always unkind about my weight. I don't know if he realized how much it hurt me to hear his comments. I don't know if he realized that I didn't CHOOSE to be overweight, it is just the way I was. Sadly, he did not live to see me down 100 pounds.

Am keeping you in my prayers. My heart goes out to you!!!

Love and Hugs and Prayers!!!!

Kathy D (alias Helen the Cat)

[Lyra 43]

I'm sorry that your mom is being disrespectful of your choice. Perhaps each time she brings the subject up you can smile pleasantly and say, "We've already spoken about this and obviously we do not agree. I love you and while I value your opinion, it was my choice and thats all I'm going to say on the subject. So, how's Aunty May doing today?". If she wont stop then just get up, say goodbye, and leave the room. The key is to be 'pleasantly blank' as it gives the other person nothing to argue, or even interact, with. If you keep refusing to discuss, justify or placate her then I would imagine that eventually she would tire of the subject and move on to some other topic. Sometimes you can't change a person's mind...you just have to train them to stop bringing the subject up! You never know, perhaps as she sees how much happier and healthier you are, she will change her mind.

Good luck!

[iegal 460]

Are we related? Wow, I didn't tell my mom until 3 months AFTER surgery just because I knew she would be all doom and gloom.

Remember, you did this for you - so you could be healthy, happier, enjoy your beautiful child and hopefully have more children. Tiffykins got pregrant and so did many others after VSG. You did nothing to diminish your ability to get pregnant.

I have learned only to nod when my mom speaks and listen to white noise...like the teacher talking in the Peanuts cartoon. ARGH Hopefully your mother will eventually become your biggest supporter after she sees all of your accomplishments.

Congrats on your sleeve. Being a new improved you is the way to silence other doubters.

Hugs.

[Spatters3 315]

now THAT was weird

[Becca 108]

Hugs! I have been there and those who didn't support me now do. Just be patient. When they see how well the sleeve works, they will come around. I had to learn not to take all the negativity too personally. We are here for you to vent to anytime!