Ever Wonder Why Life Is So Hard

[kwyant1976 48]

I should be happy right now because i am 4 days away from making a life change that will affect me for the rest of my life, and will produce a much healthier and active person in me. However life always has a way of kicking you right square in the guts.

Today I have found out that my support system.. ( aka my wife ) feels that now is the right time for her to move out of our house. These last 9 months have brought out alot of things that have happended over the last few years that have made her unhappy with me and with our marriage. However i truly didnt know that magnitude of it all until Dec. Though i have tried to change and can say that I honeslty have she still doesnt want to be with me at this time. Due to a number of reasons.

Our son who will be 4 has picked up a few of my bad habits like getting in someones face when u talk to them or argue. Which i really feel terrible about. I know that by talking to him I will be able to show him that this is not the right thing to do and he will understand and hopefully not continue to do this.

All of this plus the stress of the upcoming surgery really have me about at my wits end. I do not know what to do.. I love her and i am so very sorry for the things that i have done, i have told her this and she just seems like it doesnt matter. Where do i go next. I have been going to consouling for over a month to get help with my issues that i have and that i am willing to fix.

I need her ... she is everything to me and always has been .. i need her to help me through this process i need her to love me. I dont feel like i can do this with out her.. Might i add that she continues to say that she will be here to support me through all this ... and i believe she will be to the extent that she wants to be.. I am lost truly lost with out her in my life all i could think about was how well we would be able to enjoy life together as a family once i had this surgery complete and was able to actually do things again without feeling like crap. I want this surgery for me, and for my son and for her and for the better life we could have together.. Now i feel like none of that matters... I am sure this isnt the place to even talk about this but i had to get atleast alittle of this off my chest.. I appoligized for bringing this to the forum and if the moderator sees fit it can be deleted.

A lost soul.

[circa 333]

Its a hard situation to be in, and I'm sorry you're in it. I hope that she is there for you through this. I'm glad that you recognize things that your son is picking up from you and working to resolve it. Its very intimidating to have someone get in your face - especially for a woman.

One thing that I think maybe your wife is feeling is used. You say you "need' her all the time. How many times do you say that you WANT her there. Honestly, you don't NEED her. You may be relying on her, but she may feel taken for granted. What can you do to show her that you WANT her there. That you WANT to spend healthy days, months, and years with her? I was a wife that felt very taken for granted. I was always told that I was needed - and it made me feel like they ONLY reason I was there was to pay the bills and take care of the house.

It IS very stressful going into a situation - especially when you're dealing with other issues at the same time. In a perfect world, none of us would be in this situation.

Can I suggest that you write your wife a letter? Talking to her leaves too many opportunities for her to not listen, or to hear something wrong. Tell her how you actually feel about her. Tell her your fears and what you are doing and what you plan to do in the future to make yourself a better person.

[thinoneday 445]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I don't know what to say. Again, I'm so sorry to hear.

[jhope 11]

I should be happy right now because i am 4 days away from making a life change that will affect me for the rest of my life, and will produce a much healthier and active person in me. However life always has a way of kicking you right square in the guts.

Today I have found out that my support system.. ( aka my wife ) feels that now is the right time for her to move out of our house. These last 9 months have brought out alot of things that have happended over the last few years that have made her unhappy with me and with our marriage. However i truly didnt know that magnitude of it all until Dec. Though i have tried to change and can say that I honeslty have she still doesnt want to be with me at this time. Due to a number of reasons.

Our son who will be 4 has picked up a few of my bad habits like getting in someones face when u talk to them or argue. Which i really feel terrible about. I know that by talking to him I will be able to show him that this is not the right thing to do and he will understand and hopefully not continue to do this.

All of this plus the stress of the upcoming surgery really have me about at my wits end. I do not know what to do.. I love her and i am so very sorry for the things that i have done, i have told her this and she just seems like it doesnt matter. Where do i go next. I have been going to consouling for over a month to get help with my issues that i have and that i am willing to fix.

I need her ... she is everything to me and always has been .. i need her to help me through this process i need her to love me. I dont feel like i can do this with out her.. Might i add that she continues to say that she will be here to support me through all this ... and i believe she will be to the extent that she wants to be.. I am lost truly lost with out her in my life all i could think about was how well we would be able to enjoy life together as a family once i had this surgery complete and was able to actually do things again without feeling like crap. I want this surgery for me, and for my son and for her and for the better life we could have together.. Now i feel like none of that matters... I am sure this isnt the place to even talk about this but i had to get atleast alittle of this off my chest.. I appoligized for bringing this to the forum and if the moderator sees fit it can be deleted.

A lost soul.

So Sorry to hear about your situation, because it is the most gut wrenching experience on earth, not down under hell has anything worse, but like everything else, it is a situation, not a death sentence. I myself would pray like crazy, but not everyone is gonna turn around. You just cant be proud, but you cant be a door mat either. Tricky waters, but you better vote up for what ever it is she wanting to have, or else you will get stuck with every thing. On what now seems of little importance, I just got my surgery date, March 28, 2012

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Will she consider going to counseling with you? It sounds like the two of you could use some profesional help. It could make a world of difference.

Hope that she will go. She should try to do everything in her power for your son's sake to see if there is any chance at all that things can be worked out.

Good Luck! You will make it through this!

[Lissa 2,631]

Kwyant, I so wish I could figure out how to link you to a post from a couple of days ago. You sound like the opposite side of the coin from that guy.

Let me preface what I'm about to say with this: I have been where you're at right this minute, so maybe I have a little insight into what you're dealing with.

I don't know what the problems between you and your wife are specifically, but, from your post, I assume that she thinks you have anger issues. Nothing scares a woman worse than a man being angry and yelling at her, especially if he's "getting in (her) face". That exact scenario moved me out of my house with my "loving" husband. I think that you both probably need some counseling, probably alone for both of you, then together once the two of you have your separate issues worked out.

I know you are devastated right now, but I think you should carry forward with the surgery if at all possible. It will help you in so many ways to lose that weight. Your self-confidence will improve. You will have more self-esteem and, despite the fact that yelling at someone else seems like an aggressive act, it's usually more about not having the confidence in yourself to find a better way to handle a problem.

Yeah, it will be tough to go through the surgery without her support, but you will be stronger for standing on your own. Once you're through the surgery and are starting to develop more confidence in yourself, maybe you and your wife can work on the issues you have. Maybe she's scared spitless right now and doesn't know how to support you through this. That could be a factor in how she's reacting right now.

The one thing I do know is that you MUST put yourself and your health first and be happy/at peace with yourself before you can have a true, loving relationship with someone else.

I wish you luck. I know it's hard, but tomorrow is another day and you WILL handle this.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Wow, I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist. This is something that you need to discuss with the therapist. We are only getting one side of the picture and we really have only heard that you are very aggressive and in her face when your angry. What are you so angry about? Why are you projecting this on her? Why are the two of you behaving so poorly infront of this wonderful child. This is what he is learning. This will be his behaviors. Now is the time to do alot of hard work on yourself and maybe a separation is what is needed.

If you do this surgery now when you are emotionally upset, will this help you heal? What does your therrapist say? Best wishes.