"friends"-The One About Going Out

[Beyon Sleeve 57]

So, I've got this group of friends that Ive been going out with nearly every Monday for over the past year. It's kind of a "lonely hearts/single/divorce group". They are a GREAT group of people truely, but things have changed...well, I have changed too.

The MNDC (Monday Night dinner Club) would go out to eat and then to the bar. So you see, that is not my lifestyle anymore. I'm not ready to go to places that I can't feel comfortable. It's like a junkie going to a crack house and can't even enjoy a little rock! I want to shout to them, "I'm in rehab people!" Eventhough they know, they don't really understand, and now I'm coming off as a b!tc# because I can't come to just be with them. And I want them to choose where they want to go instead of making choices that are conducive to me all the time.

So, any advice on what to say or do?

[yecats 109]

maybe go late to the restaurant and hang out, say the last half hour after everyone has eaten then go to the bar and order a tall glass Water with a splash of cranberry juice, you will fit right in for an hour. Maybe not every Mon. but it will show that you do care, unless it truly is uncomfortable. If it is then don't compromise your progress.

I think it is nice how considerate you are concerning "where they want to go". If someone asks why you are not staying or why you came late, tell them the truth..... you enjoy thier company yet it's difficult at this time. Real friends will try to understand.

[Sassygirl06 962]

I still find going out to eat really enjoyable. I will either order a half plate, or ask for a to go box when I am ordering my meal. I make sure to substitute veggies, or cottage cheese for fries, and do baked not fried, and things that arent cooked or drenched in sause.

As for going to the bar, you can offer to be the designated driver (hehe) or just skip out after dinner. Do what ever makes you feel comfortable! You arent being a (you know what) you are working on your health! good luck!

[IowaAndy 95]

I am 6 weeks out and I go out on Friday nights with my singles group. I find out where they are going to eat and look at the menu online in advance. If nothing else I will just have a bowl of Soup and take the left over home with me for another meal. After dinner I would excuse myself and thank them for the company at dinner but since you can not drink much and that soon after eating I would let them go ahead and have a good time. Just because you can not eat that much does not mean that you can not have a social life......give it a try and if not then explain that it is too difficult.

[Puja 148]

I also still really enjoy going out to eat. I don't eat as much, and I may not have a drink, but that doesn't stop me from having fun and enjoying the company! If I'm at a bar, I grab a glass of Water. If I want to have a drink, I make sure it's not a mixed drink with loads of sugar and crap in it.

We have to learn that going out to eat with friends isn't exactly about the eating. It's the company, the environment, and all the fun. Eating yummy food is just a plus, and it's still possible!

[Joiebean 53]

That has been one of the biggest realizations for me. I really went for the food, cause I LOVED restaurant food. When you took that away and then really had to converse with people, I found that I am not nearly as social as I thought I was. LOL! Go figure. Even though I'm only a few weeks out, I know that my social life won't be the same. I used to go out about 3 times a week with my husband for drinks and usually dinner. Now that drinks and dinner have been taken out of the equation, I'm perfectly fine just hanging out at home after work with my husband. He enjoys it much more too...and so does our bank account! lol!

[Beyon Sleeve 57]

Thanks for the advice guys! I went out last night and had a great time. It was a little awkward at first because I wasn't endulging in the bar food appetizers and my friends kept saying, "does this bother you, are you ok" and of course I was, I just didn't want to make them uncomfortable either. So, I drank my Water like a good sleever and enjoyed their company. My divorce with bad food and alcohol is much better...we can now tolerate being in the same room together .