When Did Your Brain Catch Up With Your Body?

[bellabbr 50]

Everyone tells me how much I have lost and how smaller I look and etc. I can totally feel my clothes looser, can see the difference in pictures, yet I am still not seeing this big difference everyone is seeing.

I have only shared face pictures and my friends that haven't seen me in a while are begging for body pictures. I am still uncomfortable with that because I don't think I have lost enough to show this big of a difference although everyone that sees me all the time thinks I am nuts.

So my question is when did your brain catch up and you felt comfortable taking pictures and seeing what everyone sees??When you lost 50, 100, only at goal weight??

Thank you

[Puja 148]

I was just pondering this today!

[UXgrrl 29]

I can relate because I'm struggling with the same issue. I'm just not seeing it yet either.

The weight that I'm at now doesn't feel like a big deal because I've been there before in recent memory. I've lost big chunks of weight in the past, it's the keeping it off that's always been the problem. Part of me is sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop and for this whole process to quit working, like it's always done before.

I think once I get into "onderland" I will finally believe that it's really true. I've heard from others on this board that it can take quite awhile for your mental self-image to catch up with what other people see, or even what you see in the mirror.

[FishingNurse 1,210]

^{even after 80lbs lost I still see the 260lb girl sometimes-- most the time actuallyI look at my size 12 jeans I just bought and think theres no way my body fits in these!!!! but they do! Its odd..... does it get better?}

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I started taking full length pictures back in 2008 in when I was Lap-Banded, and was down around 100 Lbs from my highest weight. So I guess I'd say 100 Lbs lost, and I was 330 Lbs at my highest. I NEVER took photos when I was at my largest.

In fact that brown sweater photo you see I was FORCED to take that simply by guilt. Meanies... LOL That is the only picture of me at my biggest that I know exists. I highly doubt there are any others.

Now... seeing what everyone else sees is another beast in itself. I think as time is passing I'm seeing it a lot more. I mean, seeing myself for who I really am. A normal sized woman. Yeah, crazy!! I've been super obese and way over weight for decades. Realizing I'm a normal size now is hard to accept. I never feel fat anymore when I'm taking photos, but there are times when I'm sitting down and I do feel fat... or just walking around. I call those my "fat days". I happen to think this is normal though. I've heard many very thin women mention they were having fat days and I thought they were being ridiculous. Now I know what they are talking about.

I think it takes a long time to over come this. As a matter of fact, I've still never been to a clothing boutique yet. You know, the ones where you won't find anything over a Size 12 or whatever. I plan to, I have no doubt I'd be able to wear their clothes... it's just a weird thing I have in my "fat" brain.

[thinoneday 445]

Im out now going into year 3 and my brain still is deciding things about the body. Of course my clothes fit better and I look not to bad, i fit comfortably into the 17" plane seat, have about 6" of seat belt left over after buckling and can cross my legs while sitting there WITH the tray down. I can ride horses without thinking I'm going to kill them and run up several flights of stairs without needing an oxygen tank. But there are times that I still see that fat girl staring back. It didn't help yesterday when one of my employees said, "Ma'am, all due respect, but my dad has always told me to say whats on my mind and just say it, so ma'am your losing weight and that's great but your really gaining alot on your butt! " And I just looked at her and said Thank you hon. . . but have you noticed your rear end lately?" She told me your like Kim Kardasian with her butt, but you want curves anyhow . . . i went to my office and started to "check out" my back side. . . my pants hung loosely and didn't look any different. . .my 18's are loose but 16s are snug (I don't wear those to work) . . . went home and asked my hubbie if my butt is gaining weight? He laughed and told me I've always had the butt from hell, but it's definately not as big as before. . .ummmm so what are they saying? Well now I'm back to long hide the butt shirts and baggier pants. . . ugh. . . i can't win for losing!

[kksinisi 25]

I am still in the obese category, for my height, even after losing 48 lbs. I know it's such a great thing to have lost 48, but until I am out of obese status, I don't feel worthy of too much praise. SOO I guess my brain is really not there yet! I feel great, and sometimes I can't believe I still AM obese considering how good I feel, but that "O" status haunts me and I won't truly feel good until I am at least only "overweight"...

[bjstrans4mation 21]

With my highest recorded weight being 354 and my current weight @ 287---with my largest size clothing being 30W and my current size 18----I still don't see what others are seeing. I look in the mirror some days and see the really fat girl. I get dressed in the morning and think to myself, "I feel fat today"....I guess this is something we will all have to come to terms with. But if the #'s and clothes sizes are going down, that says it better than anybody telling us. I'm only 11 weeks out and thinking like this---what's going to happen in 1 year. Blessings2u--BJ

[RawrrAshleex3 137]

@thinoneday: I thought I was crazy and the only one to turn down riding because Id break the horse ha! My boyfriend and I were talking about going and I said I was too fat, Id hurt the poor thing and he gave me the craziest look.

I think in some cases it might be the # on the scale too. I was 172 throughout high school, and while I felt fat, I still thought I had an amazing body in a size 11/13. It was crazy though, I never fully recognized how much weight I really gained until I hit 220s (even though I went up 3 pant sizes!), and it wasnt so much my body shape that made me feel grossly fat, it was the number on the scale. I plan on having a full-mirror black out time(only neck up!!!!) after surgery, so I base it on shape and health instead of a number.

[BeachWithMyBabies 24]

The brains perception of its own body is such a strange phenomenon. When my doctor suggested I have gastric bypass, I was shocked. I knew I was heavy, but I didn't think I was that heavy. Turns out, I was, and insurance was able to cover my surgery - I ended up with a sleeve by choice. I've documented the whole process on YouTube. When I recorded my first film, I knew I looked big, but I didn't think I was morbidly obese (which I was). That being said, I liked the way I looked in the mirror, but I HATED the way I looked in pictures. Watching myself on film was cringe worthy - but again, still didn't totally see it.

Now that I'm 53 pounds down, I rewatched that earlier version of me and now I can see how really big I was - my arms, my face, my neck, my chest. It still shocks me.

Shopping is a whole other story. My largest size was a 24. Now I'm a size 10 (sometimes 8). I STILL will default to larger sizes. I am convinced a 10 won't fit, I grab the larges or extra larges, and it still flabbergasts me when I chose wrong and I need a size smaller. I look in the mirror and don't see a medium. It's totally surreal and shopping is always a weird adventure.

I have days when I see my success and days when I'm clueless. It's really hard not being the fat girl everyone knew me as for years. And sometimes I think it's hard for others to see me too - especially some girl friends. Every day I redefine myself a little more. Some day my brain will catch up. But it's not today!!

[Puja 148]

Beachwithmybabies, you said it perfectly! I felt the same way. I was happy with how I looked in the mirror, but then I'd see myself in pictures or video clips, and I'd feel incredibly embarrassed and disgusted.

I also never felt I was very heavy in the face and neck. I see the difference after comparing before and after pictures, but somehow when I look in the mirror I don't see any difference at all.

In fact, I feel even more jiggly and wobbly! (That part may be true).

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I was in such a strange place mentally when I was at my highest weight. It was as if the real "smaller" me was inside this enormous person, driving her around and going through life. Sort of like when you are taking care of an altheimer's patient - you still love the person and take care of them but you realize the "real"person who you have loved isn't there anymore. I felt that way about myself - I took care of myself and went through the motions but didn't love myself. I was really in denial about how I really looked - avoided pictures if possible.

I forced myself to take a picture on the first of every month during the process. I look at the pictures and study the differences from month to month. I take measurements every month (lot's of places) and study the differences in those too. I think my head caught up with my body at about 150 pounds. The size I am now is really what my mental image of myself is. If I get much skinnier, I will have to readjust again.

I no longer am taking care of the "fat patient" that I didn't love. I have reintegrated my inner and outer selves. I don't ever want that un-integrated feeling again.