Observations

[Neoteric Verve 65]

I have noticed several new things in life. Some people that I thought were friends really only liked me because I was the "Big Guy". I was safe to be friends with because I didn't threaten to take away attention from them. That hit REAL close to home. My own wife actually said that I couldn't do any better than her. WOW! REALLY? Now as I am going to prepare for work soon I sit here at my laptop. Mind you, my belly is still large. However, I have made some marked improvements. While I am still approximately 100lb from goal I feel great physically. Just to let everyone know, the emotional toll can be very tough. Moreso than the surgical aftermath.

I keep telling myself that there aren't many 440lb 80 year old men walking (or lying) around. What's the point in staying big to appease someone else's ego? People like that (friends or otherwise) don't care. As you leave they usher in your replacement. Do yourselves a favor and only be concerned about what YOU think. What makes YOU happy. What will keep YOU alive, healthy and in love with yourself.

Be your own joie de vivre!

Have a great day, VST!

[thebionicbroad 127]

Interesting post. With a husband and two sons, I can't be totally "me-centered," but I understand what you mean. I was always "safe," an obese 54-year old, someone with whom other obese people felt comfortable. Now, a few of my relationships (work and church) have changed, and I marvel at it. Suddenly, I'm a threat. I have to think about this some more. Thank you for posting.

[NyanBunny56 12]

I completely know what you mean, I discovered that many of my girlfriends only were friends with me because I was "less attractive" but now that I am losing weight and more guys flirt with me or whatever they took it so badly and keep going all "oh its not like u lost that much weight and they look at you, what if u lose more, gosh, just stop losing weight" i really feel like this is pissing a lot of people off rather than having them feel happy for me, so i guess after my weight loss i gotta start looking for new friends, but anyway i am so happy with my progress and its their loss =]

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I agree that the emotional part of this journey is as hard as any other part of it. It is sad to see relationships change just because we are now smaller than we were. I can see a friendship changing if it was only based on going out to eat mass quantitities of food together - but a well rounded friendship SHOULDN'T change - it's just sad to find out the basis of the friendship wasn't as rock-solid as you thought.

[mommy794 119]

People that are shallow usually do things like and seek out "friends" that they look better than bc then in their minds it makes them "look better" or feel better about them selves. As far as husbands and wives go I think sometimes the thinner spouse is either gets resentful if you were thinner when you got married and then you gained weight, and I'm sure in some cases thin people are just attracted to heavy people. I can imagine I mite have some issues with some friends or my husband down the road but in the end we have to do what makes US happy and healthy!

[Lissa 2,631]

I get what you're saying about people feeling it was "safe" to be friends with you because you weren't a threat to their relationships. However, when it really comes down to it, looks may get someone's attention initially, but what's inside is what truly matters. Look at how many people here are in long term relationships. I met and married my husband while I was over 300 pounds, although he has issues of his own that made my personality very attractive to him.

As for your wife saying that you couldn't do any better, perhaps you can't. I'm not putting you down, just saying that maybe she really IS the perfect person for you!

Good luck on your journey!! The head work is tougher than the weight loss, IMO.

[Forensikchic 528]

_{I got a shocker yesterday from one of my best friends. She lives out of state but we talk every few weeks or so. We were both heavy, her being taller and heavier than me. We have been friends for 14 years. I went to visit her about a year and half ago and was at my heaviest. She was trying a new fad diet, the hcg drops under your tongue. She had lost about 20 pounds. She urged me to try it. I went home and started taking the hcg shots and I lost about 20 pounds. I gained all that back and so did she. I had surgery, called her and told her. Her answer was ewwwww. Ill keep my stomach, thanks. I was a little taken aback by it but to each his own. I havent talked to her in a month or so. I called her to chat and when I told her I was under 170 now nad had lost 65 pounds the phone went silent. She didnt congratulate me or anything. She said things like "are you still eating 600 calories a day and starving?" I said no, I was all the way up to 800 and I am never hungry! She said "arent you week and tired all the time" and I explained that I had plenty of energy, even more than before. She just said "oh". Nothing else. I felt the jealousy in the air and so I quickly went on to another subject and got off the phone. This upsets me. She would want me to be happy for her if she lost the weight. Why cant she be happy for me? I told her my sister was going to have it done and they are both teachers. Neither have insurance to cover it. She asked how my sister was going to pay for it. I told her that I was paying for it. She said she knew that most teachers insurances wont cover it. That tells me that she has checked on it so she is not ALL that against it like she said before.. with the "I will keep all my parts, thank you" comment. I just dont get people.}

[Lissa 2,631]

Forensikchik, It's pure jealousy, IMO. I have several aunts who have made sly comments about WLS, but I know every one of them would kill to have it done. One of my good friends was here the other night and was sighing wistfully, wishing she could have the surgery. Once she finishes her nursing degree, I'm betting she will be looking into getting it done...and I'll be cheering her along just like she has done for me!

I think it's amazing that you're helping your sister out! Did I read that right? What an amazing gift!!!

[Forensikchic 528]

Lissa- You did read that right. She has been saying for years how she wished she could have it done. That was her first comment to me when I told her that I was having it done. I decided that I could not live without her and we both have obesity issues, so why not help her to get healthy so we can be around for each other for as long as possible. My father is helping also. She is a teacher and will be having the surgery with Dr. Alvarez in MX in June (after school is out). Its two hours from here (San Antonio) and of course, I will going with! She lives in Mississippi, where I am originally from, so she will be staying with me in south Tx for a few weeks, until she is healed enough to go home. I will be driving her back and she will be on full liquids then for another week. I think she will be fine and do fantastic! I have been trying to talk her into getting on this website to gain more knowledge but so far... she hasnt. One day soon, I hope she will join us.

[Dooter 1,457]

I have noticed several new things in life. Some people that I thought were friends really only liked me because I was the "Big Guy". I was safe to be friends with because I didn't threaten to take away attention from them. That hit REAL close to home. My own wife actually said that I couldn't do any better than her. WOW! REALLY? Now as I am going to prepare for work soon I sit here at my laptop. Mind you, my belly is still large. However, I have made some marked improvements. While I am still approximately 100lb from goal I feel great physically. Just to let everyone know, the emotional toll can be very tough. Moreso than the surgical aftermath. I keep telling myself that there aren't many 440lb 80 year old men walking (or lying) around. What's the point in staying big to appease someone else's ego? People like that (friends or otherwise) don't care. As you leave they usher in your replacement. Do yourselves a favor and only be concerned about what YOU think. What makes YOU happy. What will keep YOU alive, healthy and in love with yourself. Be your own joie de vivre! Have a great day, VST!

Good advice N2B8R! I know I will encounter the same issues. I have somehow developed this...persona of sorts...at church. Someone at church picked up my old nickname from my youth (dooter) and everyone started calling me that. SO....since I'm fat and happy and "give good hugs" and always listen to people who come to me to vent their problems (I'm a "good listener" they say)...I've become what feels somewhat like a cartoon character. I don't mind that they think I have good qualities. But when I become thin, will I somehow become threatening? I don't want people to change how they look at me because I shrink in size. I'd like to think they will be happy and supportive for "dooter." Who knows- maybe they will start to call me Danielle!

[Lissa 2,631]

Oh, Danielle, if you prefer to be called that, why not ask people to do so? I don't think "good hugs" require us to be heavy, either! I'm sorry that you feel like a cartoon character, although I get what you're saying. If it makes you feel any better, the people that I remember long-term are those who were caring and compassionate, and their size(s) don't matter. I remember the heart of the person, not the look of the person, if that makes sense.

Again, ForensikChik, I think it's a wonderful thing to do for your sister!!! Your reasoning makes perfect sense to me! I love my sissy to death, too!!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

hi all, i had my sleeve 12-15-11 so i'm still new to losing weight w/the sleeve. But i remember one time before when i had lost a bunch of weight I lost a bunch of friends. I know the reason for sure - these people were all my buddies that i went out to eat with, and eat and eat at a restaurant.

All of a sudden when i had lost weight and was looking somewhat better, they didn't think they could have me around at the table not eating as much as they did. It was just awkward for them. They wanted to enjoy eating in gigantic quantities (like i used to) and i was kindof ruining their enjoyment. Hope i said this right.

anyways, i agree w/all above - people can be strange when you lose weight. One friend actually told another, that she wondered when i would gain back? Oh well?

kathy

[Itsanewdaycassandra 45]

Obesity is a complex issue it’s not just the weight or food or the emotions it all of the above. You really have to tackle it at all levels. But I agree, now is not the time to settle, to make others happy but hopefully your relationship(s) will get stronger as you develop new outlooks on life. And if not drop the dead weight like all the other weight and keep it moving. Sometimes you have to move forward and the people that love you will fallow.

PS

Lissa looking good!

[Lissa 2,631]

Thanks, Cassandra!!

[favoredone 590]

Love the new pic Lissa!!!

As for the emotional part of this journey.. that seems to be my theme for the week!!! UGH!!.. I'm gonna go buy some shoes!!! LOL...