Mom Of A 22 Year Old

[lyn 5]

Hi there 20 somethings I am hoping you can help me understand my daughter. I had sleeve surgery done in April of last year and could not be happier with the results. I have lost almost 70 pounds and still going hope to make it to my goal by my anniversary of 85 pounds. It has truly been a blessing for me.

Here is my dilema I have a 22 year old daughter that I would love to get interested in looking into getting the sleeve for herself. I have taken her with me to my support group meeting, as a matter of fact when I started the process her and I both went to the inital meeting together to find out all about the surgery. I thought that she would be excited and see that I have been able to loose weight with out the usual agony and giving up by now.

SHe shows zero interest in it for herself and tells me she will do it on her own. SHe needs to lose about 120-150 pds and she has not budged one bit since almost 1 and a half years ago when I started this process. Help do any of you have any suggestions or what I can say to her to help her see the light of day. At first I used to show her photos from this website of the young girls that have posted their b4 and after photos, still nothing. I feel she is missing out on so much because of her weight and it is killing me inside.

HELP!!

[Bedhead 158]

I think you're going to have to let her make this choice on her own. I am 27 now but have been looking into weight loss surgery since I was just a teenager! It took me nearly 10 years to finally take the plunge.

Give her time. Chances are- once you ease up on her about the surgery shell be more willing to do some of her own research to find what is right for her.

Hang in there mama! I have 3 of my own- so I totally understand wanting what is best for them!

[mesaucedo 207]

Well the big question is, does she want to lose weight?

I have always been bigger and my mum has always been around 105 pounds. She always tried to get me to lose weight and suggested new diets/exercise plans often. Even though I wanted to lose weight, I didn't do it or try because of how she made me feel. She finally got that and left me alone, saying she just wanted me to be happy and it didn't matter at what size that was at.

I decided to have this surgery on my own and then told my mum, she was happy for me but I was happier that I didn't get pushed into it.

Give her some space about it. She will decide to do what she wants, and it may be making her feel bad even if she doesn't tell you.

We care too much about our moms to tell them when they are stepping on our toes!

[Vance_ 217]

Hi Lyn - I'm not 20 something, but I would have to agree with Bedhead (love the name) on this one. This needs to be something she wants to do. I am the father of 3 boys and I too want what's best for them so I understand your concern for your daughter. When she sees the success you have had and how much joy it can bring, not to mention how healthy you are becoming, she'll probably come around.

Hang in there and keep loving!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Hey! Just want to give you a head up. Your beautiful daughter isn't ready to have the surgery yet. She needs to make that decision on her own. You can bring healthy foods into the house and encourage her to exercise with you, but she needs to come to that conclusion on her own. Just be there for her and love her for who she is. This is easier said then done though. You are a very loving mom and want the best for her.

[minaleigh 95]

I am 22 and it was my mom who got me interested in WLS. My mom had the gastric bypass about 32 years ago, but besides that, I didn't know anyone who had surgery or much about it really. Since it was several months ago that we started this whole process, I can honestly say I don't remember how it got brought up. We went to the first seminar and I was a bit skeptical. I didn't like the idea of someone poking around my insides, especially since I was such a young age. My mom was pushing me to get this surgery, and I didn't want to at the time. I tried to do it on my own and ended up failing. I finally woke up one morning and realized, "you know what? I hate that I'm putting myself through this." I ended up watching NUMEROUS testimonies and videos on youtube from people who have been through the surgery, mainly the lapband and sleeve. I called my mom and told her I wanted to go through with it. Let me just say, she was surprised!

I'm 8 weeks out now and glad I got the surgery. Being overweight since I was 9 has made me miss out on a lot of things. I wanted to end my college experience right. I hated being the "fat friend" of the group, being a wallflower, forcing myself into an anti-social lifestyle. I would look over my friends' pictures on Facebook and cry at all the fun times they were having. Now, I am 8 weeks out, 35 pounds lighter and definitely having more fun. :wink1:

Could it be that your daughter is scared? I was at first. How many times has she dieted over the years? Maybe she thinks this won't work for her if the other stuff didn't. Is she generally a shy person or outgoing? If she's shy, she might be hiding herself behind her weight. Did you guys ever argue about her weight or did she get defensive about it? Even now, discussing my weight problems with my mom reduces me to tears. I just couldn't believe how far I let myself go. It made me miss out on SO much and I'm frustrated with myself that I let it happen.

I know it's not your intention, but don't try to push it too much. Like others said, you can encourage her. Support is the best thing. Recommend things for her, let her do her own research, and let her come upon the decision on her own. She'll thank you in the long run. :smile1:

[Lyra 43]

Hi, I'm 29 and I would have to agree with the others that sometimes a person just has to arrive at a decision on their own. God knows sometimes I would (and still do!) dig my heels in if I feel like someone is pushing me towards a decision that I am not ready to make. It would be worse if she did do the surgery before she was mentally/emotionally ready. Then she would be more apt to sabotage herself or not be ready for all the changes that will happen to her body.

[Lissa 2,631]

I have 25 and 21 year old sons. IMO, they are just treading Water on careers, marriage and families, but I'm doing a lot of tongue-biting right now. I just pushed the 21 year old out of the nest HARD when I bought my new house. I left him in the apartment we had been living in and told him it was sink or swim time. Mommy is out of the business of supporting him now.

I've spent years telling my youngest to "Get a job", to "Get an education", etc. He's done none of that. So, I'm hoping that he'll step up and at least support himself now. If not, I'm going to have to clamp my mouth shut and let him sink.

Sometimes, that's what we have to do. Back off our kids enough to let them see the situation clearly for themselves. Besides, it's amazing how much smarter I have become since my oldest turned 25. Apparently, in his eyes, I finally got my brain back. I lost it somewhere around the time he turned 15.

[lyn 5]

thanks everyone for your honest replies, I guess I will just try to set a good example and maybe she will surprise me one day and say she is ready to do it. I gained most of my weight in my later years after 40 I just wish she could see what a difference it would make in her future choices and not to mention her health. Thanks again I really appreicate all the answers.

lyn

[Beth323 13]

I am agreeing with all the above. I am lucky my 21 year old daughter jumped at the chance to go thru this with me and was sleeved 5 days after me. I said with the insurances( she is still on mine) and $$ she needed to give it serious thought.

However my husband who is over 350lbs has not jumped on the band wagen. He is very supportive to both my daughter and I and is our biggest supporter

In order for your daughter to be successful with WLS she needs to be ready to do it. Especially mentally or she will only put the weight back on.

Leave her alone about her weight she knows how much she weighs and how she looks in the mirror. That way her weight will not come between you and her. Love her for who she is and pray

[lyn 5]

wow, what a blessing for you regard to your daughter. Funny how your husband decided against joining in, it would have been easy for the whole family. My husband joined me on the liquid diet part for the 4 weeks and then the mushy stage and he lost 30 pds and I didn't even think he had that much to lose.

Are you both doing well with the sleeve, I would imagine the younger the person the easier it is to lose is that what you have found?