Am I Being Ridiculous?

[Dooter 1,457]

- you know, no boobs and no butt like my size 0 Asian friend - God love her.

My dreeeeeeaaaammm!!!!

[Forensikchic 528]

^{I just want to add that people have different goals, it may be a certain weight, BMI or just to be healthy and happy with no numbers attached. No matter the GOAL, lets all fight to get to ours while the time is right. I think that is the major point here. I think its hard to sit there, after we have all been through this journey and not feel a little something when we see that someone gave up and didnt reach their own personal happy place and are still stuck in the mental place that certain things are unattainable. If she really didnt want to look like a model, like she said, I dont think those words would have come out of her mouth. There was just something telling about it and you can see that she really had other goals and gave up on them. There is no reason to not believe in yourself and sell yourself short and just try to justify it to strangers. I feel for her and I hope one day she realizes her worth. We can all do anything we set our minds to. We dont have to settle for less than we deserve and want.}

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Frankly, that's just how some people are. They settle for less than what they really want because its easier. She's healthier than she was and that's apparently ok for her. There are those of us who don't settle for walking a little ways in a marathon - we want to cross the finish line with flying colors.

This woman has become complacent in her life, just as she probably did when she gained the weight. We all choose how we react to situations. She has chosen to limit herself.

It is irritating because so many of us have jumped through so many flaming hoops just to get to the point where we can have surgery, we're not going to waste the opportunity that we've EARNED for ourselves. But it is her problem, not yours. You can't help those that don't want to be helped and you can't enlighten those that choose to stick their heads in the sand.

I hope that you someday go back to that office for a followup and you're at your goal and you see her again and then you can say to her that YES, you can meet a goal like that! :smile1:

Good luck!

Sooo true!!!

[coops 1,790]

Well, I have to say that I agree with all of the above.

Yes we are all different... and what might be good enough for one is not for another.

I refuse to stop until I am comfortable in my own skin... and for now, what I am using for motivation is my surgeon's goal. WHEN I get there - and I feel that is gonna take some time - I will re-evaluate.

I too, didn't pay a lot of money to get half a job done. I don't care what people say about the honeymoon period etc, for me this is a life style choice and I NEED to be comfortable in my skin, healthy and fit. This is a long term project.

I have mixed feelings on the lady you spoke with; part of me understands why she is complacent and has stopped trying - I have not lost a pound since the end of Oct! The the opposite side of me thinks... hang on... get a grip and finish the job!!

Like I said, we are all different! That is what I love about the human race...lol!

[sgraff47 3]

To each his own. If she's happy with herself, that's ok. We of all people should not be judging. At least she has not gained.

[Catracks 865]

To each his own. If she's happy with herself, that's ok. We of all people should not be judging. At least she has not gained.

That's just it. She's not happy; she's rationalizing.

I'm not judging; I'm making an observation.

[Lyra 43]

Maybe she isn't willing to give up her comfort food, or doesn't want to leave her 'safe' place. Maybe she has other things going on in her life that make her miserable so that food is a comfort she is not willing to give up. Being overweight is a known quantity, perhaps she is not ready to take the next step into a healthy lifestyle. Personally, once I get sleeved I'm going to work my tail off until I am not only healthy, but can have an active and adventurous life...and not feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else have fun.

[RosieSweetie 40]

I understand how some people are very determined to reach a specific goal (and are willing to do whatever it takes) and there are others who are only willing to make some "sacrifices". Years ago when I went to Overeaters Anonymous, I was struck by some of the really tragic stories I heard and I thought, "boy, this person thinks they are a failure for coping with food and being fat? I think they are so brave and courageous just for getting up in the morning and getting through life. Its amazing that person is a food addict and not a hard core drug addict, and totally avoiding life". Weight issues have many, many facets. Today I think, "yes, I want to reach goal and I'm willing to exercise just about every day and always eat right. But realistically, will I "fall off the wagon" if I face an immense personal issue? Maybe, maybe not. I am trying to give up my old ways of coping with food- with other activities , exercise, creative activities, building a larger support network, etc. Getting sleeved is such a personal journey- not just an endpoint of a goal weight. I have been at a "goal weight" many times, and swore I would "never" gain the weight back- but I did. This time, I want to use my "tool" and live. ANY weight I lose will make me healthier. I think we need to be kind to others, especially our obese peers- there is enough discrimination out there. I do not need to boss someone else around, and tell them what their goal weight should or shouldn't be. Just because someone expresses a shortcoming, doesn't mean they want you to fix it. Maybe that person just needs to think aloud or maybehe/she is just looking for support.(Remember, there may also be medical or emotional issues why a person can never reach a particular goal- that they may not even be aware of).

[LindaS 316]

It would be difficult for you to know the woman didn't reach her goal without her telling you, so I think that the woman was rationalizing.

At the same time, I'm not sure if I am going to reach my stated goal of 140 pounds because I'm not sure if 140 is the right goal for me. I'm 5'7.5" tall and a "normal" BMI for me would put me at 162 pounds. Do I want to be 22 pounds less than that? My BMI would be 21.6. My gorgeous 16-year-old daughter is 5'6" and 140 pounds. Her BMI is 22.6. If I was at a BMI of 22.6 pounds, I don't think I would be actively trying to lose just to attain a goal weight. At some point, I need to be happy with where I am.

I don't know if 140 is the "right" weight for me. I have it as a goal, and I am working my sleeve. I exercise and eat with Protein first. I love the results I am seeing. I get excited seeing the weight loss. I want to be healthy, have a normal BMI and have some wiggle room.

I can now eat "anything" I want, but I don't. I don't eat candy or junk food. And if I "indulge" myself, it is with just a bite of the indulgent food (like at Christmas time).

Most of all, I love how active my weight loss has allowed me to become. My girls sleep on the second floor of our home. I have severe rheumatoid arthritis in my right ankle and before my weight-loss surgery, I rarely went upstairs. Since surgery, I go up there at least once a day if not more. My ankle isn't stopping me anymore.

I may decide in the future that 140 is too small for me. I may not. I'm not worried too much about the scale. I want to look and be healthy. I want to be active. I want to keep exercise as part of my regular way of life. I want to see how far I can push the muscles that are developing.

I try not to look at my body and see the bad things -- like the droopy stretchmarked lower portion of my belly. I try to look and see the good things. I want to see more of them.

I don't believe there is a time period before I can reach my goal. I am making this work for me, and it is a change for the rest of my life.

If I decide to not make it to my goal, it will not be because I've given up.

[Catracks 865]

My surgeon said 110 pounds and that is on the lowest end for normal. I remember 110 pounds. the Army said I needed to gain weight before starting basic. I was WRAITH skinny. My stated goal has always been 130. I do not need to be a size 0 thank you.

There is no way in hell I would settle for the "average" 50% of excess weight lost (which I think is BS). I'd still be obese. I didn't go through this to be "a little more healthy." I did this so I can go to waterslide parks, the beach, hiking up Mt. Whitney ...

The woman gave up.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

It's easy to talk about someone who can't talk for themselve. I appreciate us all wanting to discuss "giving up" or "self esteem" or how we will act in three years or how ONLY losing 75 pounds is half a$$ (my words). The truth is it is scary to see someone with the same tool as us not lose as much as we or perhaps she would want to in three years. The statistics also say that many people experience a bounce at three years. I have also lost weight and swore I would never gain it back, yet have, and also have personally never gotten to goal on a diet... but have been dieting sense the age of 8. We don't know her story. I still think getting to goal is a mystery... almost as mysterious as those that never get fat. I am very close to goal, and really, I still don't understand it. Bless her heart, there but for the grace of God go I! I prefer to stay humble. I don't really know what the next three years will bring...

[NiseeG 4]

I find the general tone of this thread to be very disturbing. Here's a woman who has successfully maintained a 75 lb. excess weight loss for three years, eats whatever she wants, says she's happy, and the majority of the opinions expressed are rather negative and judgemental. A lot of posters have concluded that she "settled," became complacent, is unhappy, and is "rationalizing." I see nothing in the OP to suggest this and, to answer the question "am I being ridiculous?," I'd have to say YES. Without knowing more about this person, I would guess she was simply sharing her success with you. I have no idea why this upset you so much.

As some have said, everyone has a different goal when they decide to have VSG, just as they have different reasons for choosing WLS, and that goal isn't always an arbitrary number on a scale. I have lost 80 lbs. since my surgery in May, 105 from my highest weight 2 years ago. I'm 12 lbs from my surgeon's goal weight, which is 40 lbs HIGHER than my "ideal" weight. If I never lost another ounce, I would be thrilled with the success I've achieved, even though I'd still be considered "obese" based on my current BMI of 30.1! (down from a high of 46.7) I'm healthier than I've been in years and that was MY goal. My surgeon tells people I'm her "poster child" for WLS success. I would be devastated if I shared my success with someone only to have that person turn around and post something this negative on a public forum.

[longer-life 139]

My sister in law had the bypass 7 years ago and never got to goal. I estimate she missed it by 25 to 30 pounds. She lost and has maintained a 140 pound loss. She never wanted to exercise (which I don't condone), but yet she is an energizer bunny type person. She never stops. She now has a better half, a child and feels incredibly happy. I consider her a success story.

Has she had a perfect journey? No. Should she exercise for health reasons? Yes. Does that mean she is not a success story? Heck no! I do think we should all strive for goal, but to me, it is not an "all or nothing" situation.