Unsupportive Family

[Lyra 43]

Wow, how did today go from GREAT to UCK so fast? So my dad has recently been sleeved and I had finally come to my own realization that I was ready for that as well. Luckily after a great conversation with my folks, they were very supportive of my decision. My family is very close and while I don't NEED their support it means a lot to me that I have it. So I figured everything was good and so brought the matter up with my grandmother. Lets just say that the awkward silence after I 'spilled the beans' when I was talking on the phone with her was epic. I couldn't tell if she was shocked (although I don't know why) or in major disapproval. I guess I was just taking it for granted that she would be supportive of my decision and it surprised me to find out that it doesn't seem like she is. I'm hoping that maybe after she thinks about it, and after further conversation, she'll have a better reaction. I really just wanted to shout, "I've been overweight for YEARS and it's not getting better. I need help and getting this surgery is not shameful and it does not somehow make me weak. It takes strength to know when you need help and to have the courage to go forward into the unknown. I will be happier and healthier...so whats not to like?" Even if her reaction doesn't change I'm still going forward with this because in the end it's my life...but I would be lying if I said that it doesn't make me sad.

Did anybody else face something like this from your family/friends? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you say?

Thanks!

~Lyra

[LCS 21]

Hi,

Lucky for me, I had total support from my family and friends. Please don't let others get you down, even if they are family. You know what's right for you. I can't understand why people feel that they have the right to decide about your health and your body. This could mean a healthier and longer life for you. How can anyone scoff at that? Go ahead, girl! In a year, you will be doing cartwheels around them!

[justkeepsmiling 3]

I'm from a close family as well, we all live within five minutes of each other and we're all in constant communication, everyone up in everyone else's business, things like that. Initially, I started with just telling my mom what I was thinking about and that I really wanted her to back me. At nineteen, I'm good to do a lot of things without my mom's say so, but this wasn't one of them. So that was in November.

My sister found out on accident when she heard me talking to the doc. We're fourteen months apart, she's younger, so we're close but we fight all the time. She's completely unsupportive and has stated this on several occasions, but she refuses to give me any reasons.

We decided to tell my dad after I was approved because if you go to him with anything half assed, then he'll ask you why you don't know all your information. But then, when he found out I'd been keeping it from him for so long, he was livid. I don't think I've ever seen him so mad. That was Saturday and he hasn't spoken to me. He refused to drive me back to college, my sister had to do it. He also stated that he was completely unsupportive and he gave plenty of reasons - you could do this without the surgery, you're not thinking, you are being ridiculous, ect. - and he also will not support me. So after that, I don't think I'm going to tell my other family members, but then what if they react like he did if I hide it?

My friends - those I've had forever and my roommates that I've only known in the six months since I've transferred here - took it better then my sister and my father. So I don't know what to think. But I can relate. I'm sticking by the fact that I'm doing this for ME, not for anyone else. I'm doing this for my health and to better my own life and we just have to stick with that.

Good luck! And let me know if you need someone to talk to!

[Lyra 43]

Thanks guys! This site is awesome in how supportive everyone is and that if you have a problem other people have as well and may have answers. Hopefully after having a more in depth conversation she will understand. I think those who have never had weight problems can have a hard time understanding what it's like.

Thanks again!

~Lyra

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Wow, how did today go from GREAT to UCK so fast? So my dad has recently been sleeved and I had finally come to my own realization that I was ready for that as well. Luckily after a great conversation with my folks, they were very supportive of my decision. My family is very close and while I don't NEED their support it means a lot to me that I have it. So I figured everything was good and so brought the matter up with my grandmother. Lets just say that the awkward silence after I 'spilled the beans' when I was talking on the phone with her was epic. I couldn't tell if she was shocked (although I don't know why) or in major disapproval. I guess I was just taking it for granted that she would be supportive of my decision and it surprised me to find out that it doesn't seem like she is. I'm hoping that maybe after she thinks about it, and after further conversation, she'll have a better reaction. I really just wanted to shout, "I've been overweight for YEARS and it's not getting better. I need help and getting this surgery is not shameful and it does not somehow make me weak. It takes strength to know when you need help and to have the courage to go forward into the unknown. I will be happier and healthier...so whats not to like?" Even if her reaction doesn't change I'm still going forward with this because in the end it's my life...but I would be lying if I said that it doesn't make me sad.

Did anybody else face something like this from your family/friends? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you say?

Thanks!

~Lyra

Hello Lyra! I'm very glad to hear that no matter what you are taking charge of your life! It is your boat and only you can navigate it.

I was faced with a little bit of negativity, but you know what, I pretty much just shrugged it off. I presented good information to those who had the most to say and pretty much once all that was said and done, they just wished me the best. Well... and they see me now and most people don't even recognize me!!! LOL It's all good, don't worry. Everything will work itself out.

If all else fails, your Dear Grandmother can watch you thin out and realize this was a great thing after all. By the way, are you positive she was being negative? I think you should talk to her and if it means that much, ask her to tell you exactly what she is thinking. Communication is the key to all of this.

[lulublu 7]

I had some issues with a couple of friends, but the real reason behind the neg. comments was that they were fearful that something bad would come from the surgery. I think LilMissDiva is right, communication is the key. Talk to your Grandmother, but be prepared to explain all the technical stuff and the probability of a good outcome. Let her know about the statistics of having a serious complication from obesity, itself. And... prepare yourself to be OK with it if she still doesn't approve. You are making a life changing decision, and it's a good one. As long as YOU believe that, it is really all that matters.

[circa 333]

Older people don't like change - and they certainly don't approve of going under the knife when its not something heart related I've found. Chalk it up to them being afraid and not understanding.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I have only told my immediate family, being my spouse, son, daughter, and a few really good friends. My daughter was against it, she said you can do this yourself. My best friend told me, "your not that big, getting the surgery is stupid." My daughter came around and my best friend is still not supportive of it. She keeps telling me I'm in starvation mode and I can't do this forever. I feel like it is an attack and I just don't talk to her about it anymore. She is still ver intrusive and thinks she knows best. I told her my goal weight is 130 lbs and she freaked out. "Your going to be too skinny and look terrible." I realize that we both have an opinion and I'm sticking with mine. I know she cares about me mostly, but the other part, I wonder if she's envious. Either way I say I don't care, but I really do. It's hurtful that she can't be more supportive.

I basically haven't told other extended family members about my surgery, except for my sister in-law and she wishes her daughter could have one also. She has most likely told the rest of the family too, but they haven't said anything to me. I am happy with my decision and would make the same decision again in a heart beat. I have so much more energy now and am more motivated to do more.... This is my life and I'm going to enjoy it.......

Your dad will get over this. Talk with him and tell him that you have really thought this though and am happy with your decision. Tell him that you love him and would like him to support you. That you are not going to change your mind. Keep positive and assertive, but gentle. He was angry because you told him alot later and that hurt him. His anger is about his hurt feelings. It's okay, we all have hurt feelings!

[spiritstalkergoddess 14]

Going through this myself... I am sooo sick of hearing all the negative comments about having VSG and no one has even researched it like I have! It is frustrating but it has not changed my mind at all!! Soooo I will get my support here from all these wonderful people!! Stay strong.

[circa 333]

I'm fortunate in that people in my family basically know not to argue with me. If I've made up my mind about something then I've done my research and I know what i'm doing. It doesn't mean that they like it, they just don't argue with me about it. However, i haven't told most of them because I don't feel like being the topic of conversation in their little fruitless minds. They have a tendancy to talk behind people's backs and spread rumors and cause all kinds of chaos. Not something I want my medical issues to be a part of - I learned that when I told them I had Wilson's Disease (I felt obligated since its a genetic thing, thankfully none of them have it!)

[Kraze Gamer Girl 15]

Hey everyone!

I have found most people to be supportive.

I just stated January 2 on my 6 months pre op.

My mother joined with my as a support and she is close to the same size as me.

She has tried to talk me out of it..She is envious I think .....I am making a huge lifestyle change for ME and my sleeve will help me to help myself follow thru on those tough days but this whole journey has been eye opening. Be prepared for negative and positive opinions but we all choose our destiny.

I want to be a one-der....

It comes down to your choice and are you ready to start living? I am!

I am thrilled to have the sleeve soon it feels like waiting for Christmas!

Keep your head up

Kraze Sarah