Anyone Ever Lost Friends After Knowing You Were Getting The Surgery?

[Tenshi 34]

I have only one friend who seems to be very against the idea of surgery. She's lost a lot of weight, gained a little back, and is paying for Weight Watchers again to try and lose more. Every time I mention the surgery, she goes off against it, saying that she's seen it fail so many times and blah blah blah... completely ignoring the fact that a) I am not doing RNY, and b ) I am ME, not any of those people she knows who regained all of their weight. It's insulting, and I'm not sure our relationship will survive my having the surgery.

My procedure is on Monday, the 23rd.... so time will tell very soon.

[nraeh 23]

One of my good friends just went thru chemo treatments and was so concerned about me having surgery but now that she has seen how well I have done and that I have had no complications she is ok. However, every time I talk to her she asks me how I am feeling - almost like she is expecting me to say that I feel bad. I have never felt better than I do now and I tell her that.

[Weigh2Go 35]

A friend told me tonight in conversation that she admires Oprah because "she lost her weight the right way" which I took as a jab so I told her Oprah also gained most of it back the wrong way.

I noticed in general my friends that have weight to lose have not been around as much & thinner friends have been more chatty towards me.

[ngory07 22]

I lost a friend when I was just talking about it. At the time I was considering lapband but then went with vsg. She was obese ans still is. Hadn't seen her in over a yr. Then I saw her at a party a month ago. At first I thought she was mad at me b/c she didn't say anything. Then she came over and said she hadn't recognized me and I looked great and she wishes she could have the surgery. I told her what I had but in no way pushed it. It felt good. My sister didn't think id go through with it then freaked right before I did. Came to the hospital once and then didn't talk to me until 2 months later. She is now pissed because I weigh less than her.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

ngory: Some people just can't handle the thought of surgery. But in reality, they really wish they could do it too. Jut like your sister. Maybe she will look back into it. That would be awesome... LOL

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

If someone has a friend who will leave at the drop of a hat because the other friend has lost weight, then sadly this person was never a friend to begin with. This person was using the heavy friend as a "wing-man" or as other women put it, someone to have around so they look like the hot one.

No one needs friends like this. It took me a long time to realize this, but I just don't have the time or energy to entertain people like this. They are selfish, and well in my life now I guess so am I. I have so many more important things to worry about rather than to stroke a miserable females ego, who really has no good interest in mine too. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I'm a supporter not a deny'er. And in my little world, if my friends can't give that back to me, then they're just not my friends at all. Never were.

If this "friend" (and I use that word loosely) were to stick around, I can see them doing everything they can to make me feel bad about myself and try to turn the focus back on themselves. No time for that. They can take their little toys and go back home, because I'm not playing.

One more thing though: The above reference was in response to friends who openly admit they "don't wanna be the fat one"... that burns me up, I guess you can tell! LOL

Now on to another scenario, lots of times our friends can just be worried about us too. Surgery is a dangerous, and if one of my friends were going to have one I'd worry as well. The best thing for this would be to supply them as much information as you can. Take them to seminars or support groups... invite them to read this website, and many other ways to get them on board with the idea.

The best answer for any situation is communication. Don't assume either the reason behind the questioning. Talk to your friends about it, get the truth out so you will know for sure.

GL to all, this IS a bumpy road... no lie.

[ngory07 22]

My sister is actually not obese just slighty on the bigger side. Maybe20 lbs more than her bmi if that. She used to be 115 when I lived with her in hs. She was anorexic and would lock the cabinets. I was 260 and within almost a yr of living with her dropped to 160. But of course gained it back. She would call me names and fat and lazy all the time. Now that I'm smaller than her she makes snide comments at family dinners that I "eat like a bird" which is funny b/c now I can eat a normal sized meal being a yr out. I would never call her names but it does feel almost good that she gets mad b/c I lost the weight. She invited me to a cardio kickboxing class in nov expecting me to pass out. I made it all the way through! And kept going even after she b/c she says she wasn't losing enough.

[ngory07 22]

If someone has a friend who will leave at the drop of a hat because the other friend has lost weight, then sadly this person was never a friend to begin with. This person was using the heavy friend as a "wing-man" or as other women put it, someone to have around so they look like the hot one.

No one needs friends like this. It took me a long time to realize this, but I just don't have the time or energy to entertain people like this. They are selfish, and well in my life now I guess so am I. I have so many more important things to worry about rather than to stroke a miserable females ego, who really has no good interest in mine too. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I'm a supporter not a deny'er. And in my little world, if my friends can't give that back to me, then they're just not my friends at all. Never were.

If this "friend" (and I use that word loosely) were to stick around, I can see them doing everything they can to make me feel bad about myself and try to turn the focus back on themselves. No time for that. They can take their little toys and go back home, because I'm not playing.

One more thing though: The above reference was in response to friends who openly admit they "don't wanna be the fat one"... that burns me up, I guess you can tell! LOL

All true!

Now on to another scenario, lots of times our friends can just be worried about us too. Surgery is a dangerous, and if one of my friends were going to have one I'd worry as well. The best thing for this would be to supply them as much information as you can. Take them to seminars or support groups... invite them to read this website, and many other ways to get them on board with the idea.

The best answer for any situation is communication. Don't assume either the reason behind the questioning. Talk to your friends about it, get the truth out so you will know for sure.

GL to all, this IS a bumpy road... no lie.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

ngory: I'm so sorry you have to put up with your sisters childish behavior. No matter what you, it's not good enough. She has issues with control and can't stand it when she's not in control. Give yourself a big hug and smile, because you are a healthy loser!

[Caliblonde 25]

Diva - I completely agree! I thought I would be sad that my friend basically dropped me but looking back at her behavior over the past few years she wasn't a friend to begin with. It's all about her all the time and I simply don't have the time, energy, or desire to deal with that bs! I need to focus on me and making me healthy! I have really learned who my true friends are through this process. Very eye opening!

[Kiki Von Moonshine 53]

I guess my friends comment didn't really bother me because I knew where it was coming from. It's like I understand, less attention would be on them. so.. it's like whatever. No biggie. Now that I'm a mommy I don't go out at all anyway so I'm not missing out anything. I just can't wait for this process to go through and to really wow the pants off of her. It's crazy because I met her through modeling. Didn't really think that feeling of not being good enough was that strong. Shes very confident in shows, and in person. Oh well.I'm just counting down the days until I see my doctor. It's taking forever!!

[littlebits 154]

A friend told me tonight in conversation that she admires Oprah because "she lost her weight the right way" which I took as a jab so I told her Oprah also gained most of it back the wrong way.

I noticed in general my friends that have weight to lose have not been around as much & thinner friends have been more chatty towards me.

"Oprah also gained most of it back the wrong way" multiple times!!! We can all lose the weight...keeping it off is the problem.

Littlebits

[Ola Tess 21]

Most of my friends and co workers seem happy for me. But there are a couple that say I dint need that and if they see someone " bigger" they say - now they really need it. Of coarse they are both tiny!! They have no clue I'm 5'5" and 280 lbs and I could lose more than they weigh and still be overweight. Oh well at least most are supportive.

[Kiki Von Moonshine 53]

Most of my friends and co workers seem happy for me. But there are a couple that say I dint need that and if they see someone " bigger" they say - now they really need it. Of coarse they are both tiny!! They have no clue I'm 5'5" and 280 lbs and I could lose more than they weigh and still be overweight. Oh well at least most are supportive.

How tiny are your friends?? If you lose their weight (I'm guessing 130-140) You wont still be overweight.

[ebonisekim 1,713]

My sister tells me all the time I don't have to do that u could do it on your own ...cause two yrs ago for my wedding I losed 40 lbs I reminded her about last yr when she loss 30 lbs and she gained it all back .. My sister lives in another state and we use to talk every day not so much anymore and when we do talk and I want to talk I bout the process and what I'm going through it goes over her head ... I'm so happy I have u guys to talk to ...thank you .... And my husband supports me but he's scared of the idea of my stomach being cut out and his main concern is the long term affected but he's coming around the more I educate him .. But this is the same man who was afraid when I got my gall bladder took out ...lol he loves me to pieces