What Would You Do? Warn Him Or Not....

[FishingNurse 1,210]

I am just about 5 months out from surgery. I am feeling and looking great-- with clothes on! I am around a size 12 and large size tops. It is amazing!!!! I dont look horrible with my shirt off BUT I am worried about my strech marks and my slightly wrinkly stomach. Everyone says I look great-- (when I flash my slimmer tummy to my mom, friends, sisters etc) but I still almost feel more nervous about taking my shirt off now than I did before when I was 250lbs for most my adult life!

I am in a new relationship and things are great. I am ready to take it to the next level physically but I am wondering what everyone thinks...the guy is great, and doesn't expect perfection. But before I take off my shirt do I give a little speech about how I am a little wrinkly from the weight loss and it may or may not bounce back blah blah blah. Or is it safe to assume that he will kind of know since I have lost 70+ pounds I don't have a perfect looking stomach???

I am just so nervous he will be appaled or shocked and second guess being attracted to me. I WOULD NEVER not be with someone because of this, so thats comforting but how about people that have not struggled with obesity their whole life?????

Any thoughts welcomed!

[jewelwithin 13]

I am just about 5 months out from surgery. I am feeling and looking great-- with clothes on! I am around a size 12 and large size tops. It is amazing!!!! I dont look horrible with my shirt off BUT I am worried about my strech marks and my slightly wrinkly stomach. Everyone says I look great-- (when I flash my slimmer tummy to my mom, friends, sisters etc) but I still almost feel more nervous about taking my shirt off now than I did before when I was 250lbs for most my adult life! I am in a new relationship and things are great. I am ready to take it to the next level physically but I am wondering what everyone thinks...the guy is great, and doesn't expect perfection. But before I take off my shirt do I give a little speech about how I am a little wrinkly from the weight loss and it may or may not bounce back blah blah blah. Or is it safe to assume that he will kind of know since I have lost 70+ pounds I don't have a perfect looking stomach??? I am just so nervous he will be appaled or shocked and second guess being attracted to me. I WOULD NEVER not be with someone because of this, so thats comforting but how about people that have not struggled with obesity their whole life????? Any thoughts welcomed!

First, congrats on your weight loss! I bet you feel like you've finally got a spring back in your step -- and the clothing shopping must be fun again!

This is a tough one, but I think the best approach is an honest one. Maybe find the right time when you're out together and it's any easygoing time when the conversation is flowing freely. Bring up the subject of taking things to the next level physically, but that you're nervous. Then explain why.

He'll either get it, or he won't -- but either way you'll know where he's coming from on that front. I agree with you that people who haven't struggled with weight don't get it. And I for one would want to know sooner rather than later where the guy stands.

[DoOver 17]

I'd "warn" him only because it would make me feel more comfortable. Odds are he isn't going to care. You can always dim the lights.

[BrownDoesAll 409]

I agree.. Talk about it ahead of time, it will give you a sense of comfort and you'll be more relaxed and he'll be prepared. its probably not as bad as you think it is.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Congrats on your weight loss. Just let him know that your anxious about how he is going to respond to seeing your tummy. If he doesn't like it, then at least you will know. Just be honest with him on how you feel. It will work out in the long run.

[Amanda 3.0 140]

I would warn him, just in conversation. Surely he has hugged you and may have an idea that you don't have a "washboard" stomach.

I would take it slow for sure and just be sure he is truly into you for you, which sounds like the case. Then I think it would be very safe. Was he with you during your weight loss? It would be a real blow emotionally to have done all this work and then get your feelings hurt. Be very gentle with yourself, emotionally. Of course just my two cents.

Also, he should keep in mind that you could be firming up, skin-wise, for the next few years so what is one way today could be very different later.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

Sleeve of Steel

i think JewelWithin said it best:

Bring the subject up with taking things to the next level physically, but you're nervous and then explain why.

i had a double mastectomy in 1998. I told my guy i was nervous, and I needed to talk... we've been happily married these past 10 years. (kindof the same?)

kathy

[goldenraisin214 142]

I agree with every one else--bring it up in a situation far removed from the physical stuff, and be honest with him. Honestly, I don't think he will care one way or the other, but you never know until you ask, and better to find out before than when you're "exposed." I think we're much harder on ourselves than anyone else would be. Good luck, and congrats on your weight loss and on this new relationship!

[FishingNurse 1,210]

Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!

[circa 333]

First of all, stop looking at it as a "warning" - its not like you have a second head growing out of your belly-button - that would require a warning

If you're close enough to him to wanna get nekkid around him, I would think you would be close enough to him to discuss the trials and tribulations you've been through that have helped to make the person you are that he's really liking. Knowing your struggles and your victories will only endear you to a real man anyway

[megannadine 29]

My husband just said to me.. " dude he is a guy, he wont care, he is going to get laid I doubt he'll notice"...lol

yes my husband is so sensitive..lol

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

He is a blessed man who has a loving women that's with him. He is interested in you because of your body and more importantly, because of your personality. Approach it with confidence and u will come out on top.

[royboy 40]

What they said. LOL if he is Mr. right, he will feel your pain that you have been thru for many years and understand in a heartbeat! Besides, Your not 18 anymore. LOL I think when a mans heart is in the right place, we can understand more than most women give us credit for. Getting laid is all part of the love that is between the both of you.. Good Luck and I hope he is Mr. Right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wondering1 103]

I agree that this isn't a "warning", it's a part of you... a wonderful and well put together person. Speaking only from my experience and not meaning to offend anyone, I suggest you wait for marriage to take things to the next level. My husband and I decided to abstain while we were dating and we are both soooooo glad we did! We have been happily married 10 years now.

[Bedhead 158]

Guys are so "OMG! BOOOOOOOOOOOBS!" that chances are he won't even notice you HAVE a belly, let alone a wrinkly one :D