Band To Sleeve - I Can't Believe How Sad I Am About All This.

[kimmr 5]

So I found out about a month ago that I'm going to need surgical correction for my band that slips with any sort of fill. I don't want a reposition of the band, I think I want to go for a sleeve. When I was banded, I had 100 lbs to lose. I lost 90 of them with the band, and have gained back about 20-25 with this slip business.

Anyway, I find myself incredibly sad about this whole process. As in, I was doing fine with the band, had a bit if reflux, but was managing it ok. This need for surgical correction basically came out of the blue, and now I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this.

I feel like I'm mourning myself. Mourning the person that I was for an oh so short period of time. As in, I see/hear things that reminded me of the me last summer that was happy with my body for the first time in my whole entire life. This weekend, I drove by the Victoria's Secret store that I spend $300 (!!!) at this past summer, when I was at my low for a couple of months, to restock my entire undies drawer. Never in my life have I had such a great undies wardrobe. They all matched! Now, of course, none of those things fit me and I'm back to wearing one bra all week until I can get to the weekend and wear a sports bra while my one bra goes through the wash. Back to shitty Wal-mart underwear. Anyway, driving by that VS this weekend nearly sent me into tears.

And then, me being me, I snowball the whole thing. So I'm self pay, which means I paid for my band out of pocket, and will pay for revision out of pocket. So I paid $10K the first time around, looking at $15K-$20k this time. Will I screw us out of being able to get the bigger house that we want to raise our kids in? Will I screw my kids out of their college funds? Then, I proceed with the mourning....find myself thinking about something while I'm driving, and suddenly I'm in tears. God forbid there are complications after surgery....I've actually researched bankruptcy options. Am I crazy?

For anyone wondering, I plan to start counseling in the next week or two.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Did anyone go through this mourning period?

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

I hope you call tomorrow and start counseling. It sounds like you are catastrophizing and may have a little depression going on. A person has to do what a person has to do in order to get to a healthier place. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and breath. Money comes and goes and yet things will work out. You might not get your new house soon, but you will get the house, maybe little later than planned. How does your hubby feel about having another procedure?

You have a complication with the lap band and if you have to have another surgery because it's slipping, then you really do want to think about the gastric sleeve. I hear alot of people are opting to go to Mexico and have had awesome services there. There are other options. Best Wishes...

[rahnava 30]

I've been there! I had to have my band removed because it eroded through my stomach. I lost 70 pounds and I've gained it all back. Right now I don't have a band, but my stomach is healed. I WILL be sleeved by the end of the month. I went to Mexico for the band and I am going back for the sleeve.

I value my life so the decision to go to Mexico was not taken lightly. The care I had there was superb and my band was overtightened in the U.S. so Mexico is not to blame. I mourned my band. I was sad because I paid $10,000 for this tool and it failed me and could have killed me. Nevertheless I am determined to fix my weight problem.

We are not rich and do not have money saved for our kids college tuition, but my Husband is employed at a major University where my kids can go for free, which helps. I am funding my surgery through methods I do not wish to put on a public board, but it is legal nevertheless (PM me, I will share).

But I know how you feel. I am there too. Be encouraged.

[kimmr 5]

@Dorrie - hubby supports me in what ever I choose. He loved me at 250 lbs, he loves me at 175, he'll love me again at 250. I just don't want to be at 250. I finally got to be the person that I've always felt like inside (turns out, I do have style, I like to play sports....things I never knew because it wasn't really feasible with my weight). He's willing to go through all the financial crap to pay for another surgery. He (and I probably should, too) views my weight problem as any other medical problem....just because insurance doesn't cover it doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. BionicBroad pointed something out to me last week....if I was a cancer patient, would I be second guessing my decision to pursue treatment? Of course not. Cancer would kill me if left untreated, obesity will too.

And, I agree, I maybe be looking at some sort of depression. But I have no idea how to tell. I do know that we have loads of other extremely depressing **** going on in our lives right now....hubby's little sister is dying of ALS (at the age of 23), his Grandma that we've been closest with over the years is really starting to go downhill with her Alzheimer's (she had to ask our names at Christmas), his mom is going crazy because she's losing her daughter and her mother at the same time, and she refuses to see a counselor, my Dad's house just burnt (not totally, but he's out of the house for about 6 months), AND then, I get this awful band news. All that, work, and raising two preschoolers.

I feel like if I didn't have to think about my weight and gaining everything back, as in, if I had the same peace of mind regarding my weight that I did this past summer, I feel like I could handle everything else. Like, if I felt like I was healthy, and I was going to maintain my OWN health, I could deal with everything else.

Also, FYI, I'm not putting off the counseling. I desperately want to go, truly. I just had to wait until after the first of the year to get 3 free sessions. I doubt my problems will be solved in 3 sessions, but that should give me a few weeks to get the ol' HSA deposit for the first of 2012.

Rahnava....I'll PM you.

Thanks for your insight.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Wow, u do have alot to deal with right now. Take one day at a time and try not to focus on tomorrow. You have an awesome husband and i like how you view this dilemma. Just remember, your weight right now is temporary, you will get the sleeve soon.

take care and hang in there.

[CCWriter 19]

Kimmr ... my heart goes out to you, but I totally agree with Dorrie. You wouldn't hesitate if this were any other kind of malady. Just because it's elective, doesn't mean it's not extremely important.

I had to put off my Nov. 29 surgery date (to Dec. 27) when my 86YO mother broke her leg in two places and then we had horrible trouble getting her to surgery because she kept stepping on it and dislocating the broken bones before surgery. But we got it done and she's on the mend. I was staying with her almost 24/7 until she got a hard cast on about a week after surgery. She's in skilled nursing now getting rehab and we're hopeful she can move back to her assisted living apt. soon.

I was thinking of putting off Dec. 27 too, because I was concerned about the lifting, but you know, I just decided I would let other people do the lifting and this too would all work out. I just had to let it go, but it was hard.

You need to take care of Kimmr FIRST, or you can't take care of anyone else!!!

CC

[HunnyBunny 5]

When my band failed I went through the same thing I basked about everyday things I was so sad and until I made the choice for the sleeve it did not get better I think it might help first of all to know that number one your normal number two you are allowed to be sad about your weightnduring this time. I think you going in the right direction knowkege is power so learn what you can about the sleeve and understand the band failed you nit the other way around the sleeve is truly one ofnthe best things I have ever done.

[Becca 108]

I self paid for my band and so I was devastated when it slipped and broke apart. I had a revision and I am so glad I did. I understand your concerns about money. I felt guilty spending all this money on surgeries that could have gone to other things (like a bigger house that we really need). I decided that my health was important. We spend money on cars, vacations, and all sorts of other things. Don't feel guilty. You are worth it! HUGS.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

A lot of us here were self pay both times. It is really depressing to think about the failure with the band and having to pay for it all over again. I literally had JUST paid off the loan from the band when I started considering the sleeve. It sucked. Really sucked. Plus, I felt like a complete idiot because the band failed me in the first place. I didn't have terrible complications, but the thing just didn't work.

It is a lot to get your head around, but try to keep it in perspective. It seems that everyone, after about 6 months with the band, are all really happy with the decision.

Good luck!

[Formerly Fluffy 5]

I was self-pay also. Mine was around $15,000. Mine has not slipped, but after 17 fills I never received restriction. I would love to be able to to VSG! You will be much happier when the band is out and you have your revision!!!

Good luck!