Who Are You?

[Just_Jim 15]

Well, here goes nothing...

My name is Jim. I am from central California and have three absolutely beautiful daughters from two different marriages. They are smart too, which leads me to wonder where the heck they got their brains, because their moms and I definitely got the short end on that deal. lol

I was born with severely deformed feet and legs. Spent my entire childhood in casts and braces. Surgeries were the norm to get me to where I could walk (almost) normally. I was also incredibly skinny and had a voracious appetite. The standing joke was that I stored all the food I ate within my casts. Because we were also quite poor and depended on assistance, my parents insisted that I clean my plate with each meal and nothing was allowed to be wasted. Pasta was plentiful because it was so cheap.

As I got older, my appetite never let up, but I still did not gain weight. I was active and my body seemed to eat those extra calories with ease. Then, I hit 21. For whatever reason, the weight poured on. I went from 140 pounds to 175 in a few months. Then to 200. I felt like I was on a runaway freight train. I noticed with the increased weight, my feet and legs began to hurt more. My activity levels started to decrease because of the pain. Then, with the failure of my first marriage and the trauma of the disgusting divorce process, depression set in. I isolated myself and began to eat to take the pain away. Before I knew it, I was 250 pounds and my feet and legs were worse than ever.

Over the years, I managed to diet, but fell into the 96 percentile and always gained the weight, plus extra, back. A few years ago, I suffered a work related injury to my left foot. I was told that, because of the deformities and the surgeries, that my work injury would never heal. Essentially, I re-sprain my foot every morning when I get out of bed. Although minor, it is painful ... daily. I also learned that I had limited mobility in my ankle and that the metatarsals were trying to pick up for the slack that my ankle was leaving. In short, I was told that I need to find a different career or I would not make it to retirement. The only solution for my problem will be to fuse all of the joints.

In April, I went in to see my doctor and weighed in at 299 pounds. I am 5' 11", so I know that for many this is not as significant, but my BMI was 42. With a historical trend of increasing weight, HPB, sleep apnea, and severe joint pain, he recommended I look into the Kaiser bariatric program. This is where my journey begins ....

• June 29: Attended first orientation class in Stockton (299.0 lbs)
• July 03: Had a huge mental set back when I took my daughters to a theme park and was called out of line to see if I fit in the "test" chair.
• July 07: Attended official orientation at Bariatric Center in South Sacramento (298.8 lbs)
• July 10: Officially gave up carbonated drinks, alcohol, and caffeine. Started using post-op food plan religiously.
• July 21: First visit with Dr. Yenemula. Was informed I had already made goal weight (283.1 lbs)
• July 24: Attended nutrition class and that evening attended support group meeting (282.4 lbs)
• Aug. 07: Stopped by for official weigh in (270.2 lb)
• Aug. 16: I have my psych visit

I have been very limiting on who I have included in my journey. My mom, significant other (SO), and kids know. I have also told my boss (a close friend), so he is aware of the time I may need coming up. Everyone has been extremely supportive, except that my SO is insistent that I do not get the surgery. She has never had weight issues and is a gym rat (talk about oil and water). She believes that all I need to do is continue with this diet that, as of now, has been extremely successful.

The problem is, she has not been with me to see 20 years of struggling. The emotional and physical pains associated with losing, then gaining back more. She has not seen me getting dinner for the family on the way home and ordering an extra meal, just so I can hurry up and eat it before I get home for dinner. And, after wolfing that meal down, feeling the extreme shame in doing so.

For me, this is a much-needed physical tool that will assist me in maintaining what I am doing right now. With this surgery, I will be lighter and able to return to exercising the way I used to. I see the possibility of retiring on my own terms…not a doctor’s.

I am so sorry for this lengthy intro. Just started typing and it flowed. If there is anyone in my neck of the woods that is willing to chat (Stockton, Sacramento), I would love to learn more about your journey and maybe mutual support. While I value the support groups and do intend on going, I am not as comfortable in that group type environment.

If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading.

[sleevedshereen 524]

@Just_Jim Hi there, I'm in Cali - SoCal though. But hi! My boyfriend also did not want me to get the surgery. I told my boyfriend the exact same thing. He doesn't know what it's like to be in my shoes. 3 years ago I was 145 lbs. I looked great. However, I took adderall just to maintain my weight. Over the last 3 years I went from 145-228 lbs at my highest. He doesn't know what it's like to have people treat me differently because I'm a little bigger now. He doesn't know what it's like to not get the same respect a woman smaller than me gets. He doesn't know what it's like to have to shop in the plus size sections now and not find anything cute because for some reason, plus sized women are considered less than in today's society. He doesn't know what it's like to go to Macy's and ask where the plus size women's section is when on the women's clothing floor and get told it's where the pots and pans and luggage sections are on the bottom floor pushed back into a corner, or crying in a fitting room and choosing not to go out and to go to events because you are so insecure and hate the person staring back at you sooo much. I too would get ashamed of my fast food addiction and just how much I ate of it a day. He doesn't get it...he doesn't understand that it's been a life long struggle with my weight or that I lack the will power to lose the weight and maintain it because I knew I would fall off the wagon again. This surgery is helping me sooo much already just one month post op. This forum is great because we have been where you are. I even was in a work injury when I was 19 and severely messed up my back and neck and some days I can't do anything because the pain is so bad...so I know exactly where you are coming from with your post. Thanks for sharing. Here if you need support.

[Just_Jim 15]

@sleevedshereen While it is troubling to hear what you have gone through with your boyfriend's lack of understanding, it is somewhat refreshing to know that I am not alone with that. I recall from my support group meeting that it seems to be pretty common. One of the most troubling aspects was that my SO's mother even approached me and told me not to get the surgery. I was more upset with the fact that my SO thought it was okay to talk to her mom about it, despite me making it clear that it was my choice as to if, and when people would be told.

I am not certain why I feel this way, but to me, this is an intensely personal journey.

[The New Kel 1,312]

@Just_Jim

Hello! I am a native Californian, born and raised in Auburn, just east of Sacramento. Then I moved to central ca. for school and work! I do miss it there!

Congratulations on your decision and taking the steps. I just wanted to chime in on your SO's feelings about this. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you. Your SO might think she is looking out for you but she hasn't been in your shoes. I hope that she becomes supportive of you. Surgery is not something we do on a whim, it id carefully thought out and quote literally our last resort. She might not understand that, but I hope she comes around to getting it.

My husband was and is very supportive. He loves that now I can join him in his activities like running, hiking and going to the gym.

In the very worst case scenario, your SO never gets over it. But you will be happy and healthy. And it is your life you have to consider, and a life you want to share with your kids! Best of luck to you!!!

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 03/01/2017 at 5:05 PM, allnewme2017 said:

Anyway I look forward to my journey and all this great stories you have shared continues to motivate me

So, where are you now after six months from that post?

How are you coping post-op?

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

I just took some old weight data from my diary and added to this post from Thursday:

I did some spectacular losses like

A. 149.5kg (329.6lbs) to 112kg (247lbs) in 1997

aka [23.54 stones to 17.64 stones];

B. 172kg (379lbs) to 120.3kg (265lbs) in 2002

aka [27.1 stones to 18.94 stones];

C. 191.8kg (423lbs) to 133.8kg (295lbs) in 2006-7

aka [30.2 stones to 21.07 stones];

176.2kg (388.5lbs) to 130.8kg (288.4lbs) in 2015-6

aka [27.75 stones to 20.6 stones] ...

So, I plugged that and more into EXCEL and can see my yo-yo past. The RED LINE is my GOAL weight/mass.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

The stark separation of the red goal weight from my 36 years of overweight in the blue is powerful/

A column graph of the equivalent POUNDS with the red goal line across it somehow does not look as damning.

You judge: same data, changed mode of graph display.

[Stephanie12579 12]

Hello there, Stephanie here! 1.5 week post op and feeling great! I am a mother, wife and dialysis technician. I have one child who I'll admit was my motivation for this surgery. He just started kindergarten and is about to begin playing soccer. I have one husband who is AMAZING and so supportive of anything and everything that I do! Aside from those roles I enjoy life. I love to spend time with my family and friends whether it be at the drive in, fairs, sporting events or just a regular old game night in house. I enjoy reading and writing and music!! Seriously I have my own little soundtrack to life!!! I love to bowl 🎳 I have a dark sense of humor and I cuss more than I should. I can be a girly girl or one of the guys..... Not extreme on one side or the other! I have a love/hate relationship with people. I attend church on an irregular basis and I would love to do volunteer work but I don't. I wish there were a surgery for adding more time in my day because THAT would be a surgery I'd be down for. I work 40+ hours a week and come home to a child who runs circles around me... Literally. He's pretty awesome though so I'm keeping him😜 oh I do have my own little zoo in we have a cat named Princess Gorilla, Beagle named Sydney, Tibetan Terrier named Musa and a girl Guinea pig named Fred..... Everytime I say no more animals my husband and 5 year old manage to give me those dang puppy dog eyes and we end up adding to said zoo. Anyway that's me in a nutshell! Hello everyone I'm looking forward to this journey and glad I was able to find this forum!

[ChiakiAngel 8]

Hi! Name's Alicia, and I kind of just copied this from 'my story' but it explains it pretty well.

Growing up I was a pretty healthy kid. I loved running around, loved being outside and doing anything active. When I moved in grade five (I was 11), I was still alright for about a few months, but then I started to steadily gain weight. I stayed home more often, ate a lot of junk food, and just felt unhappy with myself.

Fast forward to high school, I'm 14 years old and nearly 190 pounds. My weight fluctuated for a few years when I would diet to try and lose weight, but I could never keep it up. I'd lose 20 or so pounds but then gain it all back plus more. I couldn't do all the pills every day (U weight loss), or the constantly having to count every little calorie. Nor could I deal with having to constantly figure out if I was over or under my net carbs. (Atkins) It wasn't something I could keep up.

I think the fact that I wasn't' comfortable in my body and most of my friends were skinny and would call themselves 'fat' helped contribute to my body issues even more. I learned to use 'fat' humour. They'd call themselves fat and I'd joke that if they were fat that I must be a whale or a blimp. We'd all laugh, but really, I never should have made those comments about myself because it didn't help me gain any confidence at all.

I'd try on super cute clothes and just hate how I looked in them because all I could see would be my fat. I'd cry in the dressing room because I just wanted to be 'normal'. I couldn't do anything athletic because my knees hurt, I'd lose my breath, get headaches and all sorts of other issues.

Ten years later, I'm 24 years old, nearly 250 pounds, and I'm just DONE. I've literally scratched my belly when I've broken down crying because I claw at it to attempt to 'tear it off'. Never too harshly, thankfully, but I'm tired of feeling unworthy and pretending I'm fine with myself. I know I'm beautiful on the inside... I just want it to show on the outside.

So I booked the surgery. It's terrifying to go out of country to get it done because I'm not telling anyone else about it, not even my parents, because I don't want them to even attempt to try to convince me not to do it. I'm sure I'd get comments such as 'do it the normal way' or 'it's too dangerous'. I figure if I get it done and THEN tell them, they can't do anything about it.

It is a significant financial investment for me because it is self pay. Insurance won't cover surgery here for me because they don't think it is needed. My BMI is 45, to me, I think that is needed. I'm a single woman living on my own, I took a loan out for this surgery. It is $4600 USD but as I'm Canadian, the exchange rate pushes it to nearly $5800. I refuse to allow myself to fail again. I WILL do better and I WILL succeed.

So, we'll see how it goes, come November 7th, 2017. Looking forward to it yet also terrified at the same time.

[jenngetsthin 61]

Hi, I'm Jennifer. I live in the Bay Area, CA (born and raised!). I am a single mom to two beautiful daughters, 18 and 11. The 18 year old just started college this fall at Columbia University in NY. My 11 year old just started sixth grade. I work at a large international law firm as a legal secretary. I've been doing this job for 20 years but 10 here at this firm. I occasionally get to travel to other offices and so far have been to NY, DC and Boston.

I was always been a chubby kid. I started trying to lose weight when I was 15. The past seven years I have had numerous health issues. In 2010, I actually went through the entire process to get VSG but during the same time, I got sick and was eventually diagnosed with Crohn's. My GI would not give clearance for the VSG so I didn't get it. I had a few surgeries to deal with a fistula that developed as a result of the Crohn's over the next few years. A couple failed but finally in 2013 I had a successful fistula repair surgery. My Crohn's is now well managed and I've never had a flare except for that first one. I have mild issues more like IBS-D than anything. I take one Rx med, one OTC med, and a Vitamin to control it. During this same time, I also started having hip pain in my right hip. After doing ibuprofen (which in retrospect was a bad idea and contributed to my Crohn's issues) and physical therapy, I finally got an x-ray a year later and learned I had congenital hip dysplasia which contributed to early arthritis. At that point, I was told to wait as long as possible due to my age but eventually I'd need hip replacement. I waited five years (way too long in hindsight; I was in immense pain and had to start using a cane) and then got an anterior hip replacement in January 2015. I have the same issue in my left hip but luckily have not had any problems with it except mild aching on occasion. In 2016 I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea after I was constantly waking with headaches. So now I use a CPAP. The sleep doctor told me losing 20% of weight usually eliminates the apnea so in August 2016 I started trying to lose weight (again! I have been on Weight Watchers time and time again over the years). Since then, I have lost about 6 pounds. I just keep going up and down and up and down. My age (45) makes it slower and harder to lose now than even a few years ago (I'm also pre-menopausal) and I'm getting frustrated so I decided to start this process again. My PCP is very supportive.

So that's my story in a nutshell. Looking forward to seeing where this leads and for a healthier me.

Edited September 15, 2017 by jenngetsthin

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

2 hours ago, jenngetsthin said:

I started trying to lose weight (again! I have been on Weight Watchers time and time again over the years). Since then, I have lost about 6 pounds. I just keep going up and down and up and down.

I know this pain of up and down. The graph is Dec 1981 to now ... red line is my "ideal" weight (75kg/164lb)). For most of the last 30 years I have been about double this.

Best wishes to your decision.

[jenngetsthin 61]

53 minutes ago, Rainbow_Warrior said:

I know this pain of up and down. The graph is Dec 1981 to now ... red line is my "ideal" weight (75kg/164lb)). For most of the last 30 years I have been about double this.

Best wishes to your decision.

Thanks!

[rainsong1121 0]

My name is Kim. I'm at 38 yr. old remarried mom of a 16 yr old daughter. I literally joined 2 min ago! Lol

I live in northeast Florida and am a paramedic at a children's hospital emergency room. I've been a medic since 2007 and love working with babies and kids. This isn't what I went to college for however. I graduated in 2001 with a bachelor's degree in Arts and Sciences with a focus in psychology. After working as a social worker in a nursing home I had a revelation. I HATED THIS KIND OF WORK! So I went to EMT school and then on to Paramedic school. I always have said, " I want to do something that not everyone can do". I am proud of the career that I have but will be applying to nursing school soon. I feel like it's time to learn some more.

I've yo yo'd for many many years and I just got to the point where I accepted that I couldn't do it anymore without some help. I'm 2.5 weeks post op and am excited about my future. At my heaviest, I didn't feel like myself. I was in someone elses body but I was too worn down and defeated to change it. I'm looking forward to the new me!

I have 2 pugs, Roxy and Gizmo along with 2 cats, Dory and Dexter. I love my dogs so much that if I could be a stay at home pet parent, I would!

I have had braces on for 1.5 yrs and am excited to say that I get them off in 3 days!

That's me in a nutshell!

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

54 minutes ago, rainsong1121 said:

I've yo yo'd for many many years and I just got to the point where I accepted that I couldn't do it anymore without some help.

A very common revelation here, Kim. I think it accounts for at least 95% but probably nearly 99% of WLS.

My wife (60yo) has a gastric balloon, her second, which is two weeks old. Her first gastric band was in eight months for a 30kg (67 pounds) loss.

I am awaiting my gastric sleeve surgery on Oct 12 ... just 25 days now. (It's 8am Sunday 17th in eastern Australia as I write.)

My son-in-law was 208kg on 25 Jan 2015. He lost 28kg (61pounds) before surgery in July that year. Now, 26 months on, he is 99kg. He's a very tall man. His success has convinced me that my surgery is a best choice for me.

My wife and I share home with three older very demanding (i.e. NOISY) cats.

Edited September 16, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[Kathytej 134]

Hi I am kathy, 48 y/o, four years ago I got the lap band, lost 90 lbs, then my daughter (11 y/o) was diagnosed with cancer, I spent almost 2 years living mostly in a hospital room food was whatever I could find, no the best or healthy. Fortunately my daughter got better is cure now TG and I turn my attention to myself, I had gained 50 lbs back, cholesterol was high and walking were starting to become challenging so 10 weeks ago the lap band was removed and 13 days ago I got the VSG done, I am feeling better and better everyday and I am loosing an average of 5lbs a week. Happy about that.

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