male only My Family Freeked Out When I Told Them I'm Getting Gastric Sleeve Surgery

[Candyman 38]

I told my wife and daughter I was planing to get weight loss surgery in Mexico and my daughter stopped talking to me and my wife said I was taken the ease way out and I was going to fail. How can I get them to support me.

I'm a over the road truck driver 6' 4" and 355 lbs.BMI 44.4. I have an enlarge hart, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. With all the changes happening in the trucking industry I my not be able to keep my job or at lease be able to get hired if I loose my currant job. They don't understand.

[Newgirlie 37]

Im sorry to hear that your family doesn't understand your reasoning. But the easy way out would be to continue to do nothing about your health! I work in a hospital helping patients file for disability which is a huge reason I elected surgery. Sure, your family is concerned for you, but explain to them how this is a step into taking control of your health to be around longer! Many of the people I see at work are normal, everyday working people that started out with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes and then it spirals out of control and they suffer a stroke, heart attack, or worse. Its sad. They suffer alot and many times can not return to their jobs or even live withour assistance. And it doesn't only affect the elderly, often times it is young people as well. Im very passionate about this because of my work. I used to not care about my health until I saw the downside of not taking care of one's self. Please talk with your family. I wish you the best.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

hi candyman

i'm so sorry you haven't gotten the immediate support from your wife and daughter that you need and deserve... Hopefully they will come around sooner than later.

All of us sleevers discuss frequently that this is not the "easy way out". People should know how hard this really is, the self-control etc.

Talk more about your worries, your weight issues, job concerns, all that good stuff to your family Maybe if you got some paperwork that they can read about the sleeve, they would be more informed, your wife could talk with your dr. too.

Just a few suggestions, hope they help a little

good luck

kathy

[MegInNOLA 531]

I'm so sorry that your family doesn't understand or support your decision. Can they come onto this board to do some research and read people's stories for themselves? I think a lot of times, families worry about the consequences of surgery and don't realize the consequences of not doing the surgery--this isn't something one does on a whim--it's because the health risks of staying the way we are pre-surgery outweigh the risks of surgery! I hope you're able to receive some support from someone; I imagine that when they see you start to have results, things will get easier. Hang in there!

[Candyman 38]

Thanks everyone, I hope they come around when the shock wares off. Looks like it's going to be in May after my sons wedding. I wanted to do it in Januarys but I wouldn't be back in my truck until March. Not much time to recover financially. You know Mom, She want to help with the wedding.

[Sassygirl06 962]

I would just tell them that while they may not support your decision, that they can still support you. When they see the results they will come around. Tell them that you are doing this for them as well, that you want to be around longer, and this is the only way to do that. Good luck to you....and you will always have support here!

[ocean_ophelia 31]

I think it's sad that they think it's the "easy" way out. Major surgery is not easy. Traveling out of the country to have it done is not easy. Giving up all your favorite foods and completely changing your lifestyle is NOT easy. It's brave. My husband was really worried about me, but he's read more about the surgery and feels comfortable now. I really hope your family comes around.

[Liliana Arleen 173]

I think you need to sit and talk to your wife first,discuss with her the subject,showing her success stories here and in other WLS boards so she can see by herself the benefits of weight loss surgery. Your wife needs to understand that you are under some serious health conditions now and that is the solution to your battle with obesity. WLS is not an easy way like Ophelia said above. Is a hard work and dedication ,surgery is just a tool ,diet and proper exercise are the keys to be successful after surgery.

I hope they can understand that is for your own well being and for a new healthy you

[Candyman 38]

My wife is afraid that I would fail at this like all the other diets I've been on. I don,t know, she might have a point.

[MoonSiren 48]

They may be afraid of the surgery. How about you give them reading material about the procedure you are thinking of so they can learn more about it. Any kind of surgery would scare the people who love you.

[circa 333]

no, she doesn't have a point. What she has is a bad attitude. Perhaps her poor attitude has contributed to other attempts not working for you. Perhaps she should look in the mirror and find out what she's doing to help you. My husband was not supportive at first and I let him know that not being supportive was going to cause me to resent him later. You can't just be there for the good - you have to be there for the bad. She doesn't have to LIKE the decision, but unless she wants you to resent her, she should probably do a little research herself and GET ON BOARD. You didn't just try a diet for a day and give up and say "ok cut out my stomach, I'm bored with this" It doesn't work that way.

[Afro_Cyster 74]

I totally understand where you are coming from. It may seem as though your wife and daughter's response is harsh, but I think it comes from a place of fear rather than that of disappointment. Also, because you just popped up with the news, they may also think that you haven't thought long and hard enough about this decision.

As a gastric bypass patient, my dad understood the struggle I was going through. However, my dad also failed his surgery with his unchecked eating habits. He gained 100 of the 200 he'd lost. My mom used the excuse that I didn't need the surgery, that I just needed to make healthy food choices. She also didn't like the fact that the surgery would leave scars on my body.

I am an athlete. I play softball year-round and am always outside with my dog. I suffer from PCOS which decreases my metabolism. That means that along with healthy eating and an active lifestyle, I only lost 2lbs in one month......very discouraging.

I too pounced the idea of surgery on my family all of a sudden. I didn't give them a chance to work through the process of choosing a doctor with me. THEN, I told them that I was having surgery in Mexico and all three of them (third person being my brother) went NUTS!!!! So, I gave them all of the information I'd gathered so they could do their own research. And believe me they did. Each member spoke to my doctor individually.

The main reason I chose Mexico was that my insurance wouldn't pay for the surgery, I wanted to get it done before the end of the year so I could get the tax deduction, and I wasn't able to find comparable care from doctors with lower rates in my area. I chose Dr. Kelly. He has a wonderful background, speaks fluent English, and was american trained. Also, the hospital he practices at is an actual hospital and has an ICU. I paid about $6,000 for the entire thing (includes airfare). Local physicians (up to 700 miles) with a max fee of $10,000 were negligent in certain factors. They hadn't completed many VSG surgeries, they literally considered the surgery outpatient because they sent you home the next day, and the fee wasn't all-inclusive.

I could go on and on, but the main thing I think you should take away from this is to give your family time to accept the news and to include them in on any new decisions you must make.

BTW.......both of my parents came with me to MX and even though my mom still nags me about getting cut, she's starting to understand that this was not the easy way out and I still have to work to drop the pounds.

[Afro_Cyster 74]

Someone on this board said something interesting a while back.......they compared this surgery to another lifesaving surgery.

For example:

Say if there was an automatic cure for diabetes. The cure required a 2-hour surgery. Would yor family be upset if you decided to undergo this surgery to save your life?

Possible answer is NO.

Now, say again, there is a surgery that could possible cure/ease the effects of an enlarged heart, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. The surgery was 1-hour in length. Would your family be upset if yu decided to undergo this surgery to save your life?

Possible answer is NO.

So now ask, what is the difference between those surgeries and this one? NOTHING! This surgery isn't about vanity.....it's about living!

[Rebel 9]

My husband was initially unsupportive as well. But, I persevered and went to the seminar, picked the sleeve surgery based on my research, was approved in 2 weeks. I prayed about it a lot and eventually my Husband came around. I know now that he was scared for me. He has become my biggest supporter and I can't imagine doing this without him. I had diabetes, high cholesterol, high tryglycerides and rheumatoid arthritis at 40 years old. In the 3months since my surgery, I have lost 45 pounds, my glucose is normal, my blood pressure is normal, my tryglycerides are normal and my cholesterol is within 3 points of being normal. I feel better than I have in a long time. I am so happy I had the surgery. I am losing a bit slower than some but I know that everyone's body is different. i am still adjusting to new eating habits, exercise and more. But, I know I am on the right path. I failed over & over on diets and my doctor said only 2% of dieters keep the weight off without surgery. Its a vicious yo yo syndrome. i am glad to be off of that.

[Candyman 38]

Thank you all. I'll give them time to get used to idea.