Can We Get Back To Support And Stop Attacking Each Other Please?

[italianlady13 80]

I am writing tonight because I need to vent a bit about some things i have recently seen and experienced on this forum that seems to be a new trend. I have been on this support forum for the past 5 months and it was the best thing to happen to me after my vsg. Lately I have been attacked and have witnessed people getting attacked on this page and it makes me honestly not want to come on here and post anything at all. I think we are all here for the same reason, to exchange information, to learn more and to SUPPORT each other, not knock each other down and tear each other apart. Can we please get back to what this forum is about because I loved it as it was before....when we helped each other, supported each other and gave each other props.

[RosieSweetie 40]

You are right. We should be supporting each other. There are enough people (outside those of us who have gotten sleeved) that are willing to criticize us.

[Capt Derel 287]

I am new here and I agree. I am aggressive by nature but I do have a censor or mute switch. LoL. This site has helped me gain insight and I hope it dont go down the crapper. I have been able to filter the hypochondriacs from the real case scenarios and I havegained knowledge from both. Thanks VS

(null)

[longer-life 139]

I don't feel the same way. I think you are referring to a thread where you stated something about the plication surgery and a lady that had the plication done disagreed with you. You felt attacked and in all honesty, I think she was very respectful. Unfortunately we can't see peoples faces and it is hard sometimes to interpret how the words are intended.

I hope you don't stop coming. Everyone here brings something different and that makes it better. If we all have the same personality and all we do is "ra ra ra" ourselves, it would be dishonest and boring. I agree it should be VERY friendly and supportive, but we don't all have to sound the same.

Having said all that, I am sorry you are feeling this way. They are your feelings and I respect them. I just don't see this forum the same way you are. Please don't stop coming. We need you here.

[emily_0192010 168]

I'm sorry that you've felt attacked! I have been on here for a few months as well and I've never felt that way. I very very rarely ever see posts where people have disagreements, and if they ever escalate the moderators are very good at curbing them before it starts anything.

I'm not sure which posts you were referring to, but hopefully you won't encounter anymore.

On another note, I noticed on your ticker that you are only 17 away from goal?? That is amazing! Congrats Don't let anyone bum you out!

[RhondaLynn 10]

I am sorry you feel this way also!! I have not noticed this behavior here, but then I have not looked for it either.

I hope you don't leave.. I agree with the above poster.. we need all types of folks on this site.. we need to read about the good/the bad and the unexpected.

Rhonda

[favoredone 590]

Well, unfortunately disagreements and people saying things either hastily or because they are "like" that is a part of life... I just either ignore or block the negative people...

I'm sorry that this makes you feel like not coming back.. I would miss you.. seriously, I would!!!.

The sleeve takes 85% of our stomachs and not our "interesting" personalities or idiosyncrasies... Hang in there and try to look past people, ask for clarity or just answer and move on...

Hope you don't leave though...

[italianlady13 80]

I don't feel the same way. I think you are referring to a thread where you stated something about the plication surgery and a lady that had the plication done disagreed with you. You felt attacked and in all honesty, I think she was very respectful. Unfortunately we can't see peoples faces and it is hard sometimes to interpret how the words are intended.

I hope you don't stop coming. Everyone here brings something different and that makes it better. If we all have the same personality and all we do is "ra ra ra" ourselves, it would be dishonest and boring. I agree it should be VERY friendly and supportive, but we don't all have to sound the same.

Having said all that, I am sorry you are feeling this way. They are your feelings and I respect them. I just don't see this forum the same way you are. Please don't stop coming. We need you here.

this is not what I was refering to. I actually witnessed it last night again in another group where a woman was desperately asking for some support and members attacked her for expressing her feelings about feeling she had made a bad choice. Instead of reassuring her and giving her support they cut her down...

[UXgrrl 29]

I'm saddened to hear that unsupportive communication is going on anywhere in this forum. I haven't been part of it but I'm sure that it happens from time to time.

I've been a member of countless numbers of online communities over the last 15 years or so and I've seen all sorts of behavior. I agree that sometimes it can get really mean and cruel. Personally I've only encountered positive warmth here at this forum, but italianlady13 gives us a good reminder that there's a human behind every screen name here, and we're all struggling with our own weight loss challenges.

[Felicia 28]

I know what you are referring to and like some other people said we cant all "cheer" for people all the time. People tend to make blank statements when they are angry and then people respond accordingly. This forum, just like real life, has a mixture of people and we will see many different responds to the same post. That's personally why I like this site, lots of people and lots of different opinoins.

I believe a lot of people have been sleeved lately and a lot of people are feeling crappy right now. I for one sometimes need a hard slap in the face with some honesty thrown in VS. someone saying "oh hunny everythign will be okay". That's me though.

I am truly sorry you felt attacked or thought other people were being attacked. Has that person said they felt attacked? Or was that your own interpretation.? JW

Anyways I agree if it is happening it should stop, but as for myself I haven't noticed anything like that I could be wrong though. I respect you for standing up and saying something and defending others though, that takes courage, good for you!! Not everyone can do something like that.

[christin 54]

I agree that nobody should attack another person. I do feel there is a difference between disagreeing with someone and attacking them (although both can sometimes sting!)

I believe we should all be as supportive to others as we possibly can while maintaining honesty. I would hope people would be honest with me even if it was something I didn't want to hear. However, I would want them to express it with respect and care.

Sorry that you have felt this way. I'm not sure which posts you mean either, but hope you will stick around!

[thinoneday 445]

I totally agree with you Italianlady! Some people on this forum just want to see caudling and babying. Sometimes the best form of support is firmness and right to the heart of things. I feel like you do, I've been coming on here for the past 2 1/2 years and those folks whom I started with where by far more conservative, now there are quite a few attackers. . . there i got that off my chest as well. I've been out now 2 years and I guess my opinions/views don't matter anymore either. . .

[PdxMan 4,292]

This is definately a tough one. Written word like this can take the emotion out of true context the author intends. Often, it is interpretted by the emotional state of the reader at the time. There are several studies on this. In this day and age of the quick instant message, the phone text and the pocket forums, people don't take the time and don't have the skill to relate enough information to convey the emotion behind their meaning. If the reader is feeling vulnerable, they can interpret it as being attacked. If they are in a good mood, it could be interpreted as humorous or the author pathetic, while if in a sympathetic mood, interpreted as helpful.

I know I am guilty of this ... giving my 2 cents in as quickly as possible. But, I am also a grown up and know not to take things people write in a forum to heart. These are all suggestions and it is up to me to take the snippets of what I find may work for me. I want honesty and grant others the same respect by returning that honesty. Like I told my wife on our first date, "Don't ask me any question to which you don't want the answer, because I will tell you the truth."

Sometimes, I probably just need to step away from the forum for awhile. After reading the same post from 5 different people complaining about being in a stall, but admit they are not eating the right foods and not exercising ... Or another one of my favorites from those who have tried 3 different Protein shakes and have given up ... They don't want honesty. They know what they have to do. We all do. Sure, there is going to be the 1% who never had a consult with a dietician or their surgeon never mentioned xxx. But the other 99% have been told. It is here on the forum to be searched. There is Google. These folks may need some tough love.

I guess my advice to all is:

1. Don't post a question to which you don't want to know the truth.
   
2. If a response does offend, know that it is based in love, though it may be laced with frustration.
   
3. Try to take your emotion out when reading and be objective.
   
4. Post in the correct forum. If you are looking for some reassurance, perhaps the Post-Op forum is not the right place. Place your post in the right context by choosing the right place.
   

I want to help all those who are also willing to help themselves. Let's all do this together.

[Less of Leslie 90]

I was a part of the forum in question. I know I sent some encouraging words and some straight advice "Just get thru the next 4 days, you really have no choice at this point. This journey will not be easy, but it will be worth it. This stage is only temporary. Short term scarifice, long term gain. "

I think that the forum had some people that were concerned about the way trhe person that posted it came across. She was very upset that she was on liquids 10 days out and was saying to anyone that read her topic, that you should not do the surgery, its not worth it, she regrets it 100% etc. I think everyone wanted top give her some advice and do damage control at the same time. She was frustrated, and hit a brick wall in her recovery. I don't think anyone was "cutting her down", just giving tough LOVE. Sometimes we need a kick in the pants to get us up and going, instead of wallowing in our own pitty and misery. I LOVE VST. I am so grateful to everyone on here, giving me words of encouragement and advice. .....although NOONE has OFFICIALLY welcomed me to the looser's bench... Am I going to post a tpoic saying noone cares and noone should come to this site because its unsupportive..ABSOLUTLEY NOT! Everyone is here like a family and sometimes family does get on each other's nerves...but it's all in LOVE for each other.

[italianlady13 80]

I guess I'm just too sensitive, however I cannot relate AT ALL to being on a liquid diet for that length of time. I would probably pull my hair out and I can totally empathize when someone is frustrated and venting to that level when they have not eaten anything in 10 days!!!! I so would not want a kick in the pants at that point I would want someone tel tell me "you are so awesome YOU are going to get through it" ...I guess that's just the 1st grade teacher in me.... I was also not just talking about myself getting attacked I have been seeing it more and more lately and i don't like it because i fear our "little family" is becoming dysfunctional and it's such a nice little family....I just wanted to point it out so we can get it in check before it gets outta control.