My Crazy Head.

[Amanda131 214]

Hi Friends-

I have been hanging out at 207 for about a month now. Last week after my cruise I dropped to 205 (BTW how's cool is that? Vacation AND lose weight! ). Anyway, I am at that point where onederland beckons in the not so far off distance but feels damn near unattainable. However, I've noticed that I haven't been the most well-behaved sleever this past month or so. I have had moments where I chastised myself but I've been mostly okay with treats and not following the "rules". I've thought quiet a bit about why I seem to be okay with this.

Tonight, I think I realized that I am scared of Onederland for some reason. To put this in perspective, I have not been under 200 since I was about 17. For years, my thought process has been "it's okay you're a little heavy; you're smart". I basically convinced myself that it had to be a trade off. I know this sounds really dumb but I am having a bit of an identity crisis with getting under 200! It's like I think I can't have the whole package. WTH is the matter with me?

Being that it is the holidays, I am giving myself permission to coast (but NOT gain) for the next couple of weeks as I work this out mentally. To add to this, I have dropped to a size 12 and this is evidently the moment when everyone and their mother is noticing that 110 pounds have disappeared from my frame. Their wonderful and positive comments are actually making me more conscious and nervous about onederland.

I know I am a basket case, but I'd appreciate any feedback especially from those who were as uncomfortable giving up the fat cloak as I appear to be. UGH!

Thanks for listening.

Amanda

[Kimmmm12345 0]

It took me a while to figure out what "onederland" was. lol. I am a newbie.

First, I just want to say, you are a size 12 at 205lbs.? so is your picture current?

You look amazing. Are you tall? Do you workout a lot?

Just asking because when I lost weight before VSG, I did not wear a size 12 until I reached 155 or 160. I don't see how you could be a size 12 at 205.

Next, Back to the original basket case question. Just saying, you are probably not the only one afraid of onederland... . Personally, I potentially could feel the same way. in that the extra weight could be somewhat of a security blanket, a layer of protection if you will? Or the fact that you are so used to it, you would feel exposed? Ask yourself, "Why do you think you are afraid?"

This must be one of the psychological hurdles of losing weight, or perhaps having to do with the reason we gain the weight in the first place. I have thought about that before. Nothing is the matter with you, you are facing your fear. That is how you can overcome it. May have to talk it out.

Thoughts?

[Amanda131 214]

Thank you for your thoughts! As to my weight/size ratio: I am a bit of a freak of nature. I am tall at 5'10" and I am pretty muscular. I am training for a half-marathon and regularly run 20 miles a week in addition to weight training. In the heart of full- disclosure, I am not wearing 12s in everything I buy.

Amanda

PS my photo is about five pounds ago when I was still firmly in 14s.