Cheating..No, not with food!

[*susan* 1,709]

This is an interesting subject. I see the magazine articles all the time that say over 70% of men cheat! I find that to be so sad. My first marriage lasted for 13 years. Every year, on our anniversary my exhusband would bring up the subject and state that we always need to remember that we loved one another very much when we got together and if we ever felt the urge to cheat, we would get out of the marriage before hurting the other person. About two years before we divorced, he started telling me about this waitress at Sonny's and how nice she and her husband are. Next thing I know, we are best friends with them. They even rented the house next door to ours. She used to have to "work" late a lot and I would pick up her kids from daycare for her. My other friends started commenting that I should be concerned, that there was something going on between her and my husband. But, she had become my best friend and she wouldn't do that to me. Plus, my husband was not that type of guy. Guess what, I was so wrong. It was so nice of me to pick up her children so she could meet my husband at the local hotel for an afternoon romp. When I learned what was going on, it was the most devastating experience of my life. I felt so humiliated. But, what happened next turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. My husbands then best friend had been divorced for about 9 years. His first wife openly cheated on him all the time. He always said he knew how much that hurt and he could never do that to someone. When he found out what my ex did to me, he told him that the friendship had to end because he could not be friends with someone that he had no respect for. He then offered me his friendship, as he had gone through what I was going through and understood how it felt. That friendship turned into the most wonderful relationship of my life and we have now been married for 7 years. The sad thing is, even though we both are very devoted to each other and love each other more than anything, there is always that underlying fear. We were both hurt so bad in our previous marriages, that it is hard not to worry about it happening again. We have talked about it and how we know we would never do it to one another, and yet, if one of us is home a little later than expected, we get scared. It is really sad to live like that. Fortunately, as time has gone on, those feelings aren't there as often as they were in the beginning.

[Dody 0]

Dody, this topic is in the lounge which is where all topics that are not about the band belong. this topic is allowed, and I think that almost every aspect of our lives are touched by the band. Especially relationships. I think this topic is fine.

It was a joke...sorry it didn't come across as such. This forum is getting a bit fiesty for me.

[Dody 0]

:nervous Dody.. Now that was funny

Thanks. It was meant in a joking manner. Forum is getting touchy these days. I was being funny.................it didn't work.

The subject was in the new posts at the top of the page. How was I to know it was in "The Lounge". Relax guys. I wouldn't have touched the subject anyway as I'm without anyone to cheat on or with or whatever. Clearly, I'm not the one to give advise. I'm a re-incarnated virgin.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I'm sorry Dody. I really was not upset, but it REALLY did not come across as a joke at all. Maybe a few more smilies next time.

My father cheated on my mother for the last 5 years of their marriage. He is now married to the skank he cheated with. He comes here to spy on me all the time, so I hope he reads this. hehehe Now lets all say it with me...

The woman is a skank!! WOOHOO!! LOL

[those_eyes2004 1]

In my first marriage that ended not that long ago, I was cheated on...It is a very devastating thing to have happen to you...The worst part of it was that noone could believe it because he was such a wonderful husband, father, friend to all, etc...Well "friend to all" was exactly what he was...We had been together for 16 years, dated 5, then married 11...High school sweethearts...We did go to different schools...But you know what I mean...Well anyway...I always had that gut feeling that he was but chose to cover up the pain with food...I was almost relieved the day he finally confessed that he had been cheating the last 9 years of our marriage...And added to that, that the first one I had almost caught him on was the first time he had cheated...I had always thought that one day he would tell me that he had...What I didn't know was the magnitude of his cheating...9 years of many women...He couldn't even tell me all their names...It was a very sad day for me...It was about 3 1/2 months after I had my surgery when everything came to light...I was getting smaller and men were starting to notice me...I never once thought of cheating on him...In my world I had everything...A great husband that loved and cherished me, 2 great kids, you name it...And a great new body to boot...I was on top of the world...Or so I thought...It was almost like I had been living in a bubble and all of the sudden it popped and I fell flat on my butt...My friends and family close to me all told me later that they had a feeling but knew how much I loved him...We were supposed to grow old together...But I guess my story wasn't supposed to end that way...I am happy to say that my life has only gotten better since then...I came away from it with a new outlook on life...I am now 140 lbs smaller...I have a wonderful new husband that I cherish...Life is good...I see that alot of people on this post wonder how you can tell if your spouse is cheating...Well all I have to say is trust your instinct and gut feelings...I don't regret my marriage at all...I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not walked down that road with him...I take from the marriage that noone is perfect...We all make mistakes in life...You take from every experience, the good and bad, and move on...Learn from them...I have rambled on long enough...lol...Windy

[showboatgirl 0]

WE have been married 31 years and neither of us have cheated.

[Dody 0]

No offense taken hon. I didn't even realize when I saw this post at the top of the forum it was for the lounge. In my first marriage my husband cheated all the time...I finally had enough of his drinking and cheating, went back to school to become a nurse, and got out of a horrible marriage. I later married the love of my life only to lose him in a horrible car accident 10 years ago. I am certainly not the one to give advise on cheating at all....heck I forget at 64 what sex is

Cheating, lapband to RNY and colon cleansing are 3 subjects I'm through with.... :jaw: How's that for smiley faces.

So sorry about your Dad hon. I do know first hand what the cheating feels like and my oldest daughter remembers well also.

[Bettina 0]

Neither one of us has cheated --married 21 yrs. But, we have both been attracted to other people -once for him and once for me. I think he felt like he was cheating, but i know it wasn't......to say that you would never be attracted to another person ever is practically impossible--in less you never leave the house all day...lol. The guy I was attracted to was a co-worker...extremely intelligent, and fearless, i admired him so much i wanted to be like him!...hubby was attracted to a woman who worked with him in contruction, they shared the same job type and I am sure he admired her too. These experiences gave us a boost of confidence about ourselves and made us appreciate each other even more. (i know, that prob sounds odd--but sometimes it takes a stranger to show you what is right in front of you) Well, neither one of us acted on these feelings, because we truly love each other.........and were not willing to lose what we have.

(i knew the first time I saw him that I would marry him--I was 17 )

[3loves 0]

We have been married for 7 wonderful years and our story is a little like RLittman in that we married in our early 30's. This is the first and only marriage for both of us. We are best friends. We share so much in common, I tease him that we're inbreeders. It doesn't help that my mother will stick up for him over me any day. Makes him feel good though since we buried his mom a couple of years ago. I'm glad my mom gives him that security that only a mother can give.

BTW, neither of us have ever cheated and have no intentions of ever being with anyone else. My DH is the air I breath. HOWEVER, if I did think for one minute he was cheating, I would have a PI on him like flies on cow poop.

[sbmorgaine 0]

My first "spouse" cheated on me from the moment we were together, and I blame a lot of my weight gain on her. I am an emotional eater, and man did I eat (and cut, and drug, and everything else I could do). Then on to the next one, who after cheating with me on her ex (I was desperate, fat and stupid, what can I say) was fine for about 3 or 4 years. Then she met a woman at work that she "clicked" with. They never got physical, at least that is what they said, I am still not sure if I believe it....but I moved on, and gained more weight.

Now, I am with the true love of my life, and I know that there is no cheating because when I look into her eyes, the love I see reflected there is so pure and true...I mean, it is different. Having been with two people who did cheat, I can sense the difference.

I would say that my weight has a lot to do with not feeling good about myself because of the cheating. I tried to make it so that "if she cheats, and she will, it is because I am fat, I can understand that".

[Bettina 0]

"I'm sorry Dody. I really was not upset, but it REALLY did not come across as a joke at all. "

OMG that had joke written all over it!!!

And Dody I have cheated with pizza.....my husband made a big ole steak for dinner once....but i was pregnant at the time.....i needed Pizza! Ate it right in front of him...ha ha he couldn't take it anymore...he joined me!!!!!!

Okay on the serious side, I am sorry to hear that people were cheated on. I believe people do what they got to. And that people definately change! I am grateful for my husband. Not for nothing, this thread has made me decide to get up early and make " The Dread Pirate Jo Bailey" (from the pirate thread) special Breakfast in the morning!!!!:bandit

[Dody 0]

We have been married for 7 wonderful years and our story is a little like RLittman in that we married in our early 30's. This is the first and only marriage for both of us. We are best friends. We share so much in common, I tease him that we're inbreeders. It doesn't help that my mother will stick up for him over me any day. Makes him feel good though since we buried his mom a couple of years ago. I'm glad my mom gives him that security that only a mother can give.

BTW, neither of us have ever cheated and have no intentions of ever being with anyone else. My DH is the air I breath. HOWEVER, if I did think for one minute he was cheating, I would have a PI on him like flies on cow poop.

I stick up for my son-in-law a lot. My daughter hates it, even if she is wrong she thinks I should take her part. I love them both dearly. You sound like you have the perfect marriage and I can't think of anyone that deserves it more my friend.

[seminole 0]

Ladies wake up....The polls results are BS....

[Ms. Vicki 0]

My first marriage ending because he cheated on me.

My 2nd marriage is on a firm foundation and there has never been any thought of infidelity by either of us. We have each other so high on pedestals that we'd break our necks getting down to cheat.

[TX_Quilter 0]

Hubby and I will have been married for 30 years next March. Neither of us have cheated on the other, BUT we do have an agreement that it would be OK to have sex with someone else ONLY IF THE OTHER ONE WAS ALLOWED TO WATCH! LOL! So far that hasn't happened! It does make for some lively discussions when we discuss what we would do while the other one is watching!