Cheating..No, not with food!

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

I was with my ex for 12 years when we decided to get married. We started dating in college, we were both 19. He got abusive, physically and mentally in year 11, but still we planned the wedding. A month before the wedding, he left his wallet on the dresser open. I went to close it, and out falls this paper with a girl's name, number and date on it. The date was the previous weekend when he was supposed to be working while I was visiting my parents in upstate NY.

Needless to say, I didn't mention it to him, just called her. Turns out, he had met her in the Summer, it was now November, and she thought we had broken up. I never saw this.

So, in the end, I threw him out and called off the wedding, not because of the abuse, but because he was cheating. It was just 3 weeks before we were supposed to be married.

WOW! I am very happy you found out before the marriage, but it sounds like it really was the best thing for you!

[BJean 16]

You know, this has been a very good thread. I think a lot of people have been able to vent and a lot of people have given great advice. And yes, Green usually knows...

I met a guy when we were in college and he gave me the bum's rush. He was wildly hansome and incredibly energetic and happy. Great to be around. After having a few dates that first week we met (he lived across the green growie open space from me) I was smitten. That weekend, he introduced me to his "girlfriend" who only came to town on weekends because she taught school about 45 minutes away. Needless to say, I was shocked. He acted completely cool headed as if there was nothing wrong with what he had done and although he never asked me to keep his secret, he took it for granted that I would not betray him by telling his girlfriend that he had been seeing me. He was really very charming, you see.

Well, the fact was that I didn't tell her because the relationship they had was between them. I had nothing to do with it. I wanted no part of getting in the middle of whatever was going on. Of course I didn't see him anymore except to wave and say hello. I was young and had never known a guy who was such a scroundrel, but I knew that I wanted no part of some silly triangle.

After a while, his girlfriend and I became very good friends. Even though I sometimes thought about it, I never seriously considered telling her what I knew. Even when they announced their engaged.

He moved back to his hometown one state away and opened a veternarian practice. For the time being, they dated long distance.

One time the girlfriend/financee came to see me and was troubled. She said that she had called his apartment very early one morning and a woman answered the phone. The woman told her that her fiance was in the shower. My friend sputtered and asked the woman to have him call her.

When he did call her about 20 minutes later, he told her that the woman was one of his neighbors and had come by just to borrow some milk. The financee sighed when she was telling me this and asked me point blank if I thought she had anything to be worried about. She asked me straight out if I thought he would mess around with another woman.

I'll bet you think I should have told her. Well I didn't. It wasn't my place to work on their relationship. And I didn't feel that I was being a bad friend by not telling her. Her financee loved her very, very much. He wanted to marry her and have a family. She was devoted to him. I just couldn't be the one to tell her what a cad he was with other women.

Well I was always glad I didn't because they've been happily married for 20 years and have 2 children and are pillars of their community. I still have her friendship and if I had told her, I am sure I would have taken the brunt of her pain. And her pain would have been nearly unbearable for her.

I must admit that I have often wondered if he is still such a "player" and if he is, I wonder whether she ever found out. Some marriges/relationships work out in spite of everything. And they can be good

[oneangelinva 0]

well i was in a relationship before where he cheated on me with on of his co workers so he ened up throwing me and our litle girl out so he could move her in but the relationship i am in now he has never cheated nor have i and i never cheated in the first one the nite i caught him with her i just went got my little girls things and moved out we stayed at who ever would keep us until i got our apartment but the guy i am with now we are engaged to be married and i trust him 100%:phanvan

[Chelle B 0]

I've been married three times, and I believe that in a GOOD marriage, as I have now for the last 11 years, there will be NO cheating involved.

Can't say that for the BAD marriages.... May you find what took me so long to find - marriage to my best friend and hero.

[TulipStar 2]

Neither my husband nor myself has cheated.

[Lana24 10]

good marriage, good man, good love, no good reasons to cheat...

[Done 2]

My husband and I have been together since 98 and married since 02. We have never cheated on each other, we both are not that type of people. I could never imagine doing that to him, especially now that we have two small children to raise and be a good example to. I think my husband is even more HOT now than he was when I met him!

[spunkywoman 1]

I'm married 37 years and no cheating on either side. I'm more than he can handle <wink> With children raised and hubby is retired we have a warm and loving relationship. It's such a nice time with most of the stress gone. Now we spend time going to doctors together. LOL

Happy holidays all.....

spunky

[SteveInKansas 0]

When I've got the best, why would I look anywhere else!

I've always told my wife that "it doesnt matter where you get your appitite, as long as you eat at home!" Women are creature's of beauty, damn straight I look. What person hasnt!

We've been together 16 year's and I'm always telling her I'm going to trade her in on two twenty year olds . . . . . she says that's fine as long as one of them cooks & cleans, and the other one would give me back . . . . . . . . . .

Great relationship here, on my part anyway, she might have a football team on the side . . . . . come to think of it she is gone all day and I'm out of town ALOT. Hummmmmm??????:omg:

[Done 2]

I'm married 37 years and no cheating on either side. I'm more than he can handle <wink> With children raised and hubby is retired we have a warm and loving relationship. It's such a nice time with most of the stress gone. Now we spend time going to doctors together. LOL

Happy holidays all.....

spunky

Oh that is priceless! Thanks for the good chuckle!

[soozan 0]

Never cheated on my husband. I don't think he ever cheated on me.

A very dear friend was cheated on and moved in with us with her kids for a few months. The reconciled. It was awful for them.

check out survivinginfidelityDOTcom.

Many of the people there never had a clue.

Susan

[karri68 0]

my first husband cheated on me while I was pregant with our 2nd child. we divorced he married her and had 3 kids with her and now is miserable my kids tell me so I guess what goes around comes around is true. Yes I did remarry 7 yrs ago after being single for almost 9 yrs, and I can honstly say I am very happy and would never cheat on him nor he on me.

[Lauril 0]

I've been married (happily) for 16 years. He's a good man, good father, works hard and has excepted me whatever size I was (surgery day size 28) . I never looked or even considered another man, until now.... not that I have someone... I do not! I'm just always fantasizing and kinda lookin' around more. Given a real opportunity to cheat, I would like to believe I couldn't do it..... but I have doubts. I've lost 140 lbs.... I wear a size 10 jeans! I feel like a different person with different options everywhere - and this may include men. There are so many emotions linked to that also... it's exciting, it's fun, it also carries guilt and disappointment. I feel trapped between the desire to "live a little" and have fun - be kissed, be held, be complimented, be "wanted", etc.... and the commitment I made.

[BJean 16]

Lauril- congratulations big time for your weight loss success!!!! You deserve to be appreciated for who you have always been and now for what you've accomplished.

What you're feeling is so very normal. Hopefully you can accept those compliments and looks and even flirt a little and enjoy it thoroughly. But I hope that, if you love your husband and children, you won't become close enough to another man to be sexually intimate with him. Flirting and grubbing up on compliments and stares is one thing, having sex outside your marriage is so much more. It almost always brings unbelievable heartache and pain for everyone involved. It can also do irreparable damage to those you care about and your marriage.

I don't think a little flirting hurts anyone as long as we realize what we're doing and understand it for what it is: a quick and simple ego boost. Nothing more.

[Nikki S 0]

My husband & I have been married 24 years and neither have ever cheated on the other. He was married briefly ("had to") and we have a great relationship with his ex, their daughter and faimly. Bottom line: we went into our marriage with the attitude that cheating wasn't an option; therefore, it hasn't been.