Cheating..No, not with food!

[Wheetsin 714]

I should add... DH and I will be married 9 years in November.

I know he hasn't cheated on me. He'd be way too afraid of what I'd do to him if he cheated on me. All joking aside, I can read my husband like an open book. :heh:

I personally don't know too many women who were truly, honestly surprised to learn their husbands were cheating (I can speak for vice-versa since I've only counseled with women on this issue). Many were in denial about it, but in the heart of hearts knew it was going on. Many had everything right in front of them to see it, but refused to open their eyes. Maybe "pushed it aside" because they didn't want the facade to crumble. (disclaimer - I'm NOT saying it doesn't happen, and that people aren't surprised all the time, I'm ONLY saying that of the women I've worked with, a very, very small percentage (probably less than 5%) were truly taken by surprise... meaning most at least suspected it was happening, or were worried it might). Once you begin talking with them, asking them about his behaviors and attitude, you can see the light click on and - "Oh... I should have known, but I didn't even see that until you made me think about it..."

I can remember one woman who was surprised. She thought her husband was the greatest man, very thoughtful, he'd always send her roses for no particular reason other than he loved her. Then one day at work she was delivered divorce papers and a note that said, "Every time I sent you roses, I had cheated on you the night before."

[ousooner 1]

2 marraiges, no infidelity.

[lisah25 3]

If cheating can be defined by participating in an activity you wouldn't want your spouse to know about, I'm definitely cheating on my husband.

I'm involved in a torrid affair with QVC AND HSN. I keep telling myself I'm going to give it up, but it just keeps becoming more and more intense. Now I'm moving on to 'the hard stuff.' I'm making regular trips where I drive by the mall and I just know I'm going to crumble and *gulp* GO INSIDE!

I'm going to get help. I promise. Now where is that remote control? Or my car keys.

(Jeez, am I getting paranoid or do I really have to explain every time I make a joke?) (Even in the lounge.) (Get a grip.)

Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step. Take this quiz:

-do you ever sneak clothes into the closet and later, if he asks if something is new, you say "no, I've had it for a while".

-do you know more about your UPS man then any of your neighbors?

-do you have purchases sent to work or a friends house?

-do you shop alone, in a darkened room?

-do you tell yourself you can quit anytime, well after the Denim and Co. special this weekend?

Never mind how I know what questions to ask....:guess

[those_eyes2004 1]

The sad part of all this is that Wheetsin is right...Most women do know but don't want to or are afraid to face the downfall of cheating and what it really does to a family...I was one of those I guess...It took me realizing that I just wanted to be "Windy" again...And I knew that I would actually go crazy if I stayed with him...Funny how life kinda slaps you in the face sometimes...Telling you to WAKE UP and LOOK at what is right in front of you...But like I said in a previous post...You take from it the good and the bad and learn...

Oh and his famous line to me when I would say something like "You -ucked her didn't you?!?!"...Was "Yep I did!!! HaHaHaHa!!!!"...Then we would both laugh thinking that he could never do something like that to me...But what he did tell me after it was all said and done was that "I never lied to you Windy, every time you questioned me I told you..."...Kinda sickining huh?...Oh well life is great now...Windy

[lisah25 3]

I'm sorry Dody. I really was not upset, but it REALLY did not come across as a joke at all. Maybe a few more smilies next time.

My father cheated on my mother for the last 5 years of their marriage. He is now married to the skank he cheated with. He comes here to spy on me all the time, so I hope he reads this. hehehe Now lets all say it with me...

The woman is a skank!! WOOHOO!! LOL

The woman is a skank!

It's hard to be nice to the woman he was cheating with, isn't it? I tried.

[lisah25 3]

I personally don't know too many women who were truly, honestly surprised to learn their husbands were cheating (I can speak for vice-versa since I've only counseled with women on this issue). Many were in denial about it, but in the heart of hearts knew it was going on. Many had everything right in front of them to see it, but refused to open their eyes. Maybe "pushed it aside" because they didn't want the facade to crumble. (disclaimer - I'm NOT saying it doesn't happen, and that people aren't surprised all the time, I'm ONLY saying that of the women I've worked with, a very, very small percentage (probably less than 5%) were truly taken by surprise... meaning most at least suspected it was happening, or were worried it might). Once you begin talking with them, asking them about his behaviors and attitude, you can see the light click on and - "Oh... I should have known, but I didn't even see that until you made me think about it..."

I can remember one woman who was surprised. She thought her husband was the greatest man, very thoughtful, he'd always send her roses for no particular reason other than he loved her. Then one day at work she was delivered divorce papers and a note that said, "Every time I sent you roses, I had cheated on you the night before."

OMG! That is horrible. We had a friend whose hubby left her roses for Valentines day one year, along with a note telling her he was leaving her for another woman.

I agree, the women I've talked to about their spouses cheating all knew on some level.

[Poodles 0]

I have been married 12 years, I have never cheated, and as far as I know, neither has my hubby.

Now as for the sane part... I did have a wild dream about Jackie Chan about a week before I found out I was pregnant with my son. My hubby told me that counted as a cheat. The absolutely HILARIOUS part is that my son came out red, with slanted eyes... looked just like a little Chinese baby. Now he looks just like my DH.... thank goodness.:high5:

***just had to put in a Jack stalking thing... Wonder if my next baby will be born with an eye patch????

[sbmorgaine 0]

Oh and his famous line to me when I would say something like "You -ucked her didn't you?!?!"...Was "Yep I did!!! HaHaHaHa!!!!"...Then we would both laugh thinking that he could never do something like that to me...But what he did tell me after it was all said and done was that "I never lied to you Windy, every time you questioned me I told you

I had those same conversations! It was amazing to me that someone who "loved" me could do that.

I also agree with the person who said that most people know it is happening, even if they don't want to admit it. I would never think to ask my spouse now if she was cheating, I know she isn't. I think that the first time that a REAL doubt comes across your mind, you should start checking.

[christa94 0]

leila,

what is an open alternative marriage? i have never heard that term before.

[Telly 4]

I think open alternative means, anything goes.

[DonnaB 3]

I've been married for almost 11 years to a wonderful man. He is an excellent husband and father, and honestly, we get a long most excellently. We joke, we flirt, we play, and very rarely fight. That being said... While I trust my husband 100% and I believe him when he says that he has never cheated, I do not KNOW that he has never cheated. No matter how wonderful, moral and excellent a person is, sometimes they give into temptation. Anyone can fall, anyone can succumb. What I do know is this: it is my job as a loving wife to help my husband resist temptation. If I'm to help him, then I can't be oblivious to it. So, I cover his tracks. I check up on internet activity. I check the history in the computer. Occasionally, I check the cell phone bill for unknown numbers dialed repeatedly. I even google his name from time to time. I moniter credit card transactions and cash flow in our accounts. I can always reach my husband at work if he is working late, and he always calls me on his lunch hour. There are many other things I could do, and would if given cause. Every spouse should know that cheaters like PO boxes, usually have hidden credit cards, have hidden email addresses, and even separate bank accounts with passwords they won't share. All of these things can be discovered if given cause. It is our job as spouses to be on top of the game, to be aware before the break-up of a family occurs. My husband knows that I do these kinds of things. He doesn't know what I do, but he knows that I check up on him. And I don't do it to "catch" him, I do it because, if he is ever in a situation where a relationship may turn to more than friendship, I want to know so I can help him out of it.

He and I have a friend whose husband is most definitely cheating on her, but she is totally oblivious. My husband told her, based on his actions, that he is, but she won't believe it. Even though her husband sleeps at another woman's house when he is mad at his wife. My husband told this friend that even if he wanted to cheat, he couldn't because he KNEW I would find out.

I don't ever want to be the last to know. I don't want to be duped, and I don't want to find out when it's too late to save the marriage. Frankly, I think my husband would be wise to check up on me as well, there's nothing wrong with a little accountability.

OMG - is this a marriage or a prerequisite to joining the FBI?

[Telly 4]

Too funny! More like "Monk" or "Dick Tracy"

[lisah25 3]

He and I have a friend whose husband is most definitely cheating on her, but she is totally oblivious. My husband told her, based on his actions, that he is, but she won't believe it. Even though her husband sleeps at another woman's house when he is mad at his wife. My husband told this friend that even if he wanted to cheat, he couldn't because he KNEW I would find out.

It doesn't sound like she's oblivious, it sounds like she is either a)deeply in denial or b)fully aware and dealing with it or not in her own way.

[DonnaB 3]

Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step. Take this quiz:

-do you ever sneak clothes into the closet and later, if he asks if something is new, you say "no, I've had it for a while".

-do you know more about your UPS man then any of your neighbors?

-do you have purchases sent to work or a friends house?

-do you shop alone, in a darkened room?

-do you tell yourself you can quit anytime, well after the Denim and Co. special this weekend?

Never mind how I know what questions to ask....:guess

-do you ever sneak clothes into the closet and later, if he asks if something is new, you say "no, I've had it for a while".

Not yet. Yet.

-do you know more about your UPS man then any of your neighbors?

Um, well, no. I would, but Ted is very quiet.

-do you have purchases sent to work or a friends house?

WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Thanks!

-do you shop alone, in a darkened room?

Only if it's nighttime.

-do you tell yourself you can quit anytime, well after the Denim and Co. special this weekend?

After Gold Rush too, OK?

Thanks for the comedy love Lisa. I realize that this a a serious thread, but you gotta make room for comic relief. I will say in my defense, there was no one who had reported actually being cheated on when I posted my giggle. For anyone who has been cheated on: I'm so sorry. Nothing I say can take away that kind of pain.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

Ladies wake up....The polls results are BS....

I think you are very wrong. Honestly, you have to look at the dynamic of this board. There are more very devout religious people here than not, and for the most part this group is going to be in a relationship where both are of the same level of faith. That faith leads to deep respect of the bonds of marriage. Just with that statistic alone you will find a majority of the people on this board are in relationships that will have no cheating.

I think that sometimes people use statistics as a cop-out. Well if everyone else is doing it then it is no big deal. I HATE that marriage has become something that people easily walk all over and destroy. It baffles me. My parents were married for 35 years, and my father threw all that time, and work away. Now there is a part of me that is glad he is gone because my mother and I were abused on a regular basis. But even with all the abuse, the fact that he cheated, rather than say "I'm not in love anylonger and need to leave the relationship" was a huge slap in the face. It was as if he kept us both around just to use for the abuse. His personal whipping posts. Because he got nothing else from us. He was too busy bangin the whore. The part that cracks me up is how much she looks like my mother. And that he married her two weeks after the divorce was final. I mean if you are a man, who has been married for 35 years, and you are finally free....why get married immediately after?? Why not just be a single guy for a while. If he wanted strange booty, he sure missed out on a lot of opportunities!! LOL