Cheating..No, not with food!

[plain 12]

After 13.5 years of a seemingly perfect marriage, my wife cheated with (and subsequently left me for) some douche she basically met on Facebook.< /p>

Ironically, the cheating happened after I had lost a significant amount of weight.

Even more ironically, my outside self is starting to look pretty good, whildst my inside self is scarred up beyond belief.

Good times.

[BJean 16]

plain, no one can blame you for feeling scarred and a bit beaten with what you've gone through. But please know that the problems were within your spouse, not necessarily with you.

A much older woman was giving me a hard time because I had reached another milestone birthday and was whining about it. I complained that I can't do everything that I've always been able to do and I find that some of the most mundane tasks seem difficult. She told me two things that I found wisdom in that I'd like to share with you.

1) If you live in the past and long for anything in your past you will not be living in the present and it will definitely doom your future.

2) Don't focus on the things you can't do anymore. Figure out the things that you can do and DO THEM with gusto!

She's a vibrant, attractive 70 year old woman and she thinks that she still has lots of living to do and good times to be had. Who can argue with that?

There are good times right around the corner. If your ex had the need to do what she did, you can't control that. But you can keep her actions from controlling the rest of your life. You don't need any woman to make you happy. You need to find happiness within yourself and then if there's a person who finds her way into your life and wants to share the joy, then it will be great.

Ok. Off my soapbox. I have a special fondness for you plain. I want you to enjoy your life because when you turn 50 everything goes into overdrive and it's truly scary to realize that you wasted some of your best years!

P.S. I just got back from a Yellowstone/Grand Teton vacation. I rode a horse 5 miles through the wilderness, crossing rivers and negotiating cliffs with rocky switch backs and learned to fly fish and then rode the 5 miles back for a full day of rigorous activity that I never, ever would have been able to do even last year. I had given up on my obese, depressed self. And now I'm on the top of the world. This winter I'm going snow skiing! And I actually had a man flirt with me at the QT while I was getting fuel for my car this morning! And he was hot!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Oh Plain....I am SO sorry to hear that. :wub:

There are no words for how hurt you must feel, and I ache for you, my friend...((((hugs))))

Hang in there - keep doing what you are doing to stay physically healthy, and know that the emotional part will be difficult for a while, but you are strong and you can make it through this.

Living well is the best revenge...take good care of yourself, my friend. Though it's been a while since we 'spoke', know that you've been on my mind and I'm glad I found you here...hang in there!

[darkangel 0]

I have cheated on every boyfriend...... I have been with my husband for 10 years and cheated on him when we just started dating...... have not cheated since.....but think of other men ALL the time.... I can't help it????? its like I have no control????

[nomore1212 0]

This is a tough one to respond too. I think many people will have a differint view of what cheating is?

My view of cheating is innercourse.

Others view could be :

• Phone Sex
  
• Cyber Sex
  
• Kissing
  
• Touching
  

So I feel, If you havent had innercourse, You havent cheated.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Mumzer

[BJean 16]

Cheating can be dishonesty in any form. If you're lying to your husband or wife about someone of the opposite sex that you're flirting with - you're cheating. Having mindless sex with someone can be one of the most meaningless forms of interaction with another human being that one can have.

But sharing in-depth, intimate conversations and your innermost thoughts and beliefs with someone else is far more threatening to one's marriage than acting out on the most basic physical drive we possess.

[plain 12]

Cheating can be dishonesty in any form. If you're lying to your husband or wife about someone of the opposite sex that you're flirting with - you're cheating. Having mindless sex with someone can be one of the most meaningless forms of interaction with another human being that one can have.

But sharing in-depth, intimate conversations and your innermost thoughts and beliefs with someone else is far more threatening to one's marriage than acting out on the most basic physical drive we possess.

Damn, BJean. I'm quoting it because it's so true.

[BJean 16]

Going through it is usually the only way you can understand it. People always say they'd never forgive a spouse that has sex with someone else, no matter what the circumstances. I'm here to tell you that couples can get past the sexual transgression, it's the intimate psychological connection that busts us up.

Hope you're doing okay, dude. I miss reading your posts and your rapier wit.

[peggycas 0]

Married 34 years, dated for 5. Together for 39. No cheating on either side.

[peggycas 0]

Intercourse.

[djmixon 1]

I didn't cheat on my first husband, but we got together because his previous wife set us up... she left and asked me to "take care of him"... so I did and except for my first two children was sorry for it. He never was in their lives much after I escaped the abusive marriage.

My second intended was a louse and cheated on me before we married, even though I was pregnant with our child, which he denied until she was 20.

My second husband was a huge mistake. My maid of honor tried to set me up on a blind date a weekend before. Then bailed on me that week and I had to rearrange the set up. I knew I should not have married the dolt, but I did anyway. He cheated then I cheated. Difference was that I married my best friend who was the man I cheated with. All the while, my husband thought I was cheating with someone else... who was always trying to seduce me. Boy could he kiss......

My third and last husband is my best friend. I cannot now think of any reason I would cheat on him. Nor can I honestly say I think he will ever cheat on me. His previous wife cheated on him openly and claimed she was cheating with the man who kept trying to seduce me.... not sure she actually did bed him.

The seducer actually got a surprise on his birthday while my current husband (who was my best friend and married at the time) and I were taking a break to see if what we had was real.

I also cheated with a man who was married to a woman who openly cheated as well... he stayed for his kids and she kept getting pregnant just to keep him. He was quite unhappy and remains so.

After my current husband and I decided we were to be together, that was it. We are each other's lovers and only lovers.

Don't give up... there are a lot of frogs... just keep kissing them and you will eventually find your prince. Just remember to wear protection.

[roseyposey 0]

I am doing a poll because I am trying to find a marriage that has not had some sort of cheating involved either from one spouse or another. I need your feedback guys. From the smallest indiscretion to the horrible, please tell me there is a relationship out there that had neither party cheating!! PLEASE!! Only sane people please reply.

UMM - ISN'T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A LAPBAND FORUM? LET'S STAY ON TRACK HERE!!!!

[northcountyr1 199]

My hubby and I have been married for just over 26 years and neither one of us have ever cheated on each other. Now I'm not gonna say we haven't thought about going our separate ways at times, but we worked through them...for better or worse. I love him more now, than I did the day we got married. So the answer to your question is...yes, there are still couples out there who really love each other and don't want anyone else...we're 46,me and 48,him.

trixie's line

[negrita 18]

I am doing a poll because I am trying to find a marriage that has not had some sort of cheating involved either from one spouse or another. I need your feedback guys. From the smallest indiscretion to the horrible, please tell me there is a relationship out there that had neither party cheating!! PLEASE!! Only sane people please reply.

My husband and I are devoted to ourselves.. of course Good has to be the center

I'm 4 the New me! !

[illailla 79]