To Tell Or Not To Tell... My Story

[Rainsong 12]

So I posted this on another forum in a thread. It felt so good writing it down that I knew I wanted to continue to tell. (I'm sure my therapist will be thrilled!)

I'm a high school music teacher and pretty close with most of my students. I am opting not to tell my students anything, "I'm just going to disappear for a week before Christmas break" The only reason I am not yelling about this amazing tool to my students from the roof top is... At the end of Oct, one of my student's parents passed away unexpectedly from a Pulmonary Embolism (PE) from routine knee surgery. To say this was a hard experience is putting it lightly. Many of the students in all of my choirs went to the wake and even sang a song we sang last year at the funeral. At the last minute when the students' family couldn't find someone to sing the mass, I stepped in. Anyway a majority of my students are now freaked out from even the topic of surgery not to mention that most of them know I am a survivor of a PE.

So anyway, long story short I'm keeping my lips sealed for now because I don't want to freak out any of my students. As far as my coworkers, I've told two people (one my best friend and another I'm close too) that I'm having weight loss surgery. My best friend has been amazing. She's the beautiful girl who wears a size six that had me be a bridesmaid in her wedding in the summer even though I wore a size 22 dress in it! She's stood behind me with everything. My husband is deployed right now, if he doesn't make it home before the surgery she's offered to move in with me for a week to help out with my six year old daughter. And she's helped me pick out little rewards along the way AND we have committed to taking a trip together once I reach my goal! I've also told two of my principals that I was going to have some 'personal' surgery. I really think the principal that i'm really close too figured it out but he's keeping quiet.

I've told some parents that I'm really close too just as a heads up when I 'disappear' . I've also told some close friends about the surgery. All of them say, "You don't need it you look great!" That really annoys me when people say that. I'm tired of hearing I have a pretty face and a great heart. Over the years I've been a Yo-Yo dieter. I've dropped 90 lbs one time and 65 lbs another. I'm ashamed of what I look like right now. I'm embarrassed to go back to my gym because people there knew how hard I worked before. I was in the gym 6 days a week for HOURS. So I brought a treadmill and put it in my bedroom so I can start losing a little before I go back to the gym. I'm going back to the gym, there is nothing like lifting weights are kick boxing especially after dealing with cranky and emotional teenagers all day.

Sorry for the rant but this is the first time I've admitted this to anyone besides my mom and best friend. I'm being very selective on who I tell before the surgery. But knowing me, I'm going to tell everyone after the first month or two. I know how ashamed I am to be at this weight. I know there are others out there who feel the same way. If I can inspire one person, I would do it in a heartbeat. If you've taken the time to read all of this thank you. It feels good being able to admit it and to put it in writing for all to see!

God Bless!

[Amanda131 214]

Rainsong-

Your story parallels my story and so many other posters on this site. From the tone of your post, it sounds like you are in a good place mentally and prepared for this adventure. I wish you all the best and look forward to supporting you in your journey.

Best of luck!

Amanda

[crossviewcutie11 7]

Rainsong,

I'm feel the same way! I work from home and travel throughout the southeast to hospitals and dr offices, so none of my co workers really know anything. I do have two close friends at work that i consider real friends (you know work friends v. Real friends) who I've told. The good thing about work is that it's not strange to work on a team for years and never meet anyone in person. I was a bit concerned about if I should discuss with the nurses at some of my sites. They are really gonna be able to tell a difference considering they will only see me every 6 weeks (seems the longer you are away from people the more you notice changes).

My husband is throwing a birthday party for me this Saturday. I'm a bit of a social butterfly, but just this once I want him to cancel, but I haven't mentioned that to him. We have a lot of parties and just this once I don't want to have it because there will be people there that I probably won't see until my next birthday. I guess I just want to let the next couple weeks slide by, flying under the radar and emerge after the new year.

When I lost 75 lbs before, I used to be outside daily walking around the subdivision. My husband continues to do that, but I avoid it like the plaque. My neighbors are super close to my hubby and I'm more the hi and bye type. I've promised myself that I'm honda start the Cto5K as soon as my dr clears me. I really do want to know my neighbors and 3 of my 4 closest friends are all runners. They always want me to coming running with them. Ha. Now I can run only if provoked...like running the airports to catch flights, but don't expect me to be able to talk during and after for at least 45 minutes. LOL

I said all that to say telling or not telling is up to you. Only you know how much you want to put out there and based on passed experiences with your students, how much they can handle. I still haven't told my dad and really don't plan to. Once I tell him, it would be the same as announcing it on CNN. I'll just let him figure it out. My mom, brother, and sister know, but they wouldn't tell him either. We have a family joke - never tell my dad anything you don't want the entire world to know.

Good luck with everything and do keep me posted on how it all goes!

[BettyBoop 28]

Rainsong,

I just wanted to send you good thoughts and the best of luck with your surgery! It is all such a personal journey isn't it? I myself have only told close family members and a few friends. The vast majority don't know.

So, I've lost about 60 pounds since this all began back on June 1st. Fifty-three pounds on my own. I then had surgery Oct 25th. And I've only lost 7 pounds since surgery. I guess I am in one of those dreaded stalls. One reason I opted for the surgery is I have rheumatoid arthritis. I was at a point where I had to do something to improve my health or I was going to end up in a wheelchair and get fatter and fatter and die. I wasn't depressed! I was being realistic!

So, with all the stress of surgery and weight loss afterwards not as fast as I had hoped, and of course I had to be off my RA meds a month before and a month afterwards.....I have gone into a big RA flare, where just about every joint in my body hurts, bad. In the morning, I have to use a walker to get around...

Anyway, I will see my rheumy Tuesday and they will give me a cortisone shot and this flare will pass.

I just have to giggle a little. Because my neighbors probably think I am deathly ill since some seen my husband bring in my Mother's walker from the garage.....and seeing the weight loss I've already had...

Oh my, I am blabbering.....

Anyway, good luck to you.....and walk walk walk after the surgery!! But I'm sure you know that!!

[Beyon Sleeve 57]

I am sooo battling the same thing! I've only told my immediate family, 2 supportive friends, and one coworker (after 3 glasses of wine). I trust them all, so I'm not worried about that. I'm a teacher also, and I don't know how to tell my principal. Is saying "personal surgery" info enough if I'm going to be out for a week? I'm still praying for it to fall during winter break. I know the teachers, students, and parents will start to notice, but I don't know if I want to devulge that personal info. I feel people will judge wether I hear it or not...then on the other hand, SO WHAT, it may help someone too...

BeyoncSleeve

[Qpdsful 2]

I love that you shared this story...I think many of us have much of this in common!! I have to say that I have not told anybody but my very close friends. It is sooo funny how people say, "Wow you look great, you have always been beautiful but you look just amazing!" I find it humorous that people feel the need to quantify a compliment. I am down 74 pounds since surgery 07/06/2011. Nobody really knows what to say, my family is very supportive and glad I did the surgery for ME!...I like you Rainsong have always been into boxing and later in life started kickboxing. That is my passion...so on top of having lost some extra weight...I have the energy and confidence to get back in the ring!!

As far as telling your students in order to protect them from the anixiety that is the best and most protective thought any teacher could ever have!!

I look back at pictures and cannot believe it...you will tell all and be so proud to help others!! Keep up the great outlook on life, and the love of your students!! Keep us posted!!

Your friend that will be helping you sounds as amazing as you!!! The surgery for me was a breeze..it was the work at getting the right amount of Protein which is still work!!

[Rainsong 12]

Thank you for sharing! I completely understand what you are going through. My mother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis very badly. The heavier I've gotten the more I notice that every time I'm still for any period of time, I can't move so easily. I feel like an old women when I go to the bathroom because my knees snap crackle pop all over the place. I'm only 35!

Anyway I hope you start feeling better soon. I'll be praying for you! Maybe we can befriend each other and keep each other updated!

Tonya

Rainsong,

I just wanted to send you good thoughts and the best of luck with your surgery! It is all such a personal journey isn't it? I myself have only told close family members and a few friends. The vast majority don't know.

So, I've lost about 60 pounds since this all began back on June 1st. Fifty-three pounds on my own. I then had surgery Oct 25th. And I've only lost 7 pounds since surgery. I guess I am in one of those dreaded stalls. One reason I opted for the surgery is I have rheumatoid arthritis. I was at a point where I had to do something to improve my health or I was going to end up in a wheelchair and get fatter and fatter and die. I wasn't depressed! I was being realistic!

So, with all the stress of surgery and weight loss afterwards not as fast as I had hoped, and of course I had to be off my RA meds a month before and a month afterwards.....I have gone into a big RA flare, where just about every joint in my body hurts, bad. In the morning, I have to use a walker to get around...

Anyway, I will see my rheumy Tuesday and they will give me a cortisone shot and this flare will pass.

I just have to giggle a little. Because my neighbors probably think I am deathly ill since some seen my husband bring in my Mother's walker from the garage.....and seeing the weight loss I've already had...

Oh my, I am blabbering.....

Anyway, good luck to you.....and walk walk walk after the surgery!! But I'm sure you know that!!

[Rainsong 12]

Dear Amanda,

Can I just say what an inspiration you are to me! I took the time and read you blog from when you starting thinking about WLS. I think I am in a good place mentally most days. Other days I think I'm going crazy because I'm obsessed with this surgery and different forums. I'm sooooo thankful for the forums because its so nice to know that I'm not alone out there and there are other people can completely understand what I'm feeling right now. I love my best friend and she loves me, but the biggest size she prob has ever worn is a size 8!! She'll never get it! Thanks for being there for me and others and your support.

Tonya

Rainsong-

Your story parallels my story and so many other posters on this site. From the tone of your post, it sounds like you are in a good place mentally and prepared for this adventure. I wish you all the best and look forward to supporting you in your journey. :smile1:

Best of luck!

Amanda

[Rainsong 12]

I'm not going to tell my administrators exactly what kind of surgery I'm getting before the surgery. I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell people after. I know this might be wrong to say, but I feel guilty taking time off from school. I love teaching and I've passionate about it. I have a feeling that every one is going to be very supportive, but until I wake up after surgery with a missing stomach I'm keeping my lips sealed!

T

I am sooo battling the same thing! I've only told my immediate family, 2 supportive friends, and one coworker (after 3 glasses of wine). I trust them all, so I'm not worried about that. I'm a teacher also, and I don't know how to tell my principal. Is saying "personal surgery" info enough if I'm going to be out for a week? I'm still praying for it to fall during winter break. I know the teachers, students, and parents will start to notice, but I don't know if I want to devulge that personal info. I feel people will judge wether I hear it or not...then on the other hand, SO WHAT, it may help someone too...

BeyoncSleeve

[Rainsong 12]

Wow!! Thank you so much for your awesome comments. I really love what I do and I know I'm more of a parent to some of my kids then their own parents so I def want to be very sensitive to their needs.

Congrats on all of your weight lose!! YOU GO GIRL! I'm really hoping that one day I'll be able to join you on the losers bench. I'll be sure to keep you posted and I'll tell my best friend just how great she is.. (I have already but it ever hurts to hear it right!?)

I will keep you posted. Maybe we can be friends on here. I'm really new to this site and trying to get used to it still but I'll get there. I can't wait to keep talking to you, you sound pretty cool yourself!

Tonya

I love that you shared this story...I think many of us have much of this in common!! I have to say that I have not told anybody but my very close friends. It is sooo funny how people say, "Wow you look great, you have always been beautiful but you look just amazing!" I find it humorous that people feel the need to quantify a compliment. I am down 74 pounds since surgery 07/06/2011. Nobody really knows what to say, my family is very supportive and glad I did the surgery for ME!...I like you Rainsong have always been into boxing and later in life started kickboxing. That is my passion...so on top of having lost some extra weight...I have the energy and confidence to get back in the ring!!

As far as telling your students in order to protect them from the anixiety that is the best and most protective thought any teacher could ever have!!

I look back at pictures and cannot believe it...you will tell all and be so proud to help others!! Keep up the great outlook on life, and the love of your students!! Keep us posted!!

Your friend that will be helping you sounds as amazing as you!!! The surgery for me was a breeze..it was the work at getting the right amount of Protein which is still work!!

[RosieSweetie 40]

I am also a teacher. When I had an endoscopy done at a local hospital, I told one of the nurses I was thinking of WLS. I really regretted it. Several nurses came over to give me their opinion- along with the horror stories of people who had WLS & regained all the weight and a story about someone who died! A few months later, another teacher announced he had the sleeve surgery done. For the past year, the other teachers (and students) discuss his weight. I have heard, more than once, people say he "took the EASY way out", and he should have just have been "disciplined". I plan on keeping it a secret because I don't intend on defending my choice and if, God forbid, I regain the weight, I don't want to hear, "told you so". So I think whether you tell or not, depends on your personality (and tolerance for stupid comments).

[Brian66 85]

Rainsong,

Just wanted to take a minute to wish you well and to tell you to go with your gut as far as telling people. I was where you are in July 2010 just before I had my surgery. I was 44 at the time and a widowed father of three fairly young children. I made the decision to have the sleeve and told only my children, my mother and my brother and sister. I simply told work that I was having some elective surgery, "nothing serious, just something that needs to be taken care of." I did not want to be the topic of everyone's conversations and I think I was secretly afraid that it wouldn't work. I had my surgery on July 13 and by Labor Day I had lost about 50 or 60 pounds. People really began to notice at that point and I had to make a decision as to whether to tell people. Ultimately, I did start to tell my extended family and close friends, but I still have not told everyone at work. I just don't feel like it is everyone's business.

I would caution you about one thing though. I've dealt with some guilt about "taking the easy way out," even though in my heart I know it is not the case. I see a therapist and he did help me to see that, even though I absolutely have the right to tell or not tell whoever I like, for me, keeping the surgery a secret did add to the feeling that I had something to be ashamed of. I do find that as I tell more people I do feel freer and lest burdened about "keeping my secret."

Just something to keep in mind.

Wishing you all the best.

Brian

[Rainsong 12]

Thank you so much for sharing you story with me. I really heard and took in what you said about the guilt factor. I too started to see a therapist when I made the decision to do WLS. I think your right that telling people might free me up a little.. but I'm going to do what you did and wait awhile to make sure it works. LOL Deep down in my heart I know it will. I just talked about having a balance of positive outcomes and negative outcomes with my therapist yesterday so thank you for unknowingly reinforcing something I'm trying very hard to achieve.

How are you and your family now? My condolences about your wife. :hug:

I would caution you about one thing though. I've dealt with some guilt about "taking the easy way out," even though in my heart I know it is not the case. I see a therapist and he did help me to see that, even though I absolutely have the right to tell or not tell whoever I like, for me, keeping the surgery a secret did add to the feeling that I had something to be ashamed of. I do find that as I tell more people I do feel freer and lest burdened about "keeping my secret."

[favoredone 590]

Hey Rain... I'm also a teacher.. I hope to be sleeved during my Christmas break, but I won't be returning to school until Feb 1st.. I've told my admins and a few friends at work.. I was very reluctant to tell my Mom, who found out from one of my 6 sisters!!! So, I went home to MS for Thanksgiving and we all sat down after dinner and talked..

I decided to have surgery because I'm beginning to "feel" my weight and my body is letting me know that I'm over 350 lbs!!! I hurt my back some years ago and I've managed it well until recently when a bout of pneumonia forced me to be on bed rest for some weeks...

The one person who had a major issue was an overweight friend of mine who ranted and raved about I just needed to work out and get a plan.. I was in tears because I felt that she of all people should understand how it is to be trapped in a body that seems like it doesn't belong to you.. It's like being in prison!!! But she was so unsupportive and rude!! Later I figured out why.. she doesn't want to be the lone "fat" girl in our group.. She feels that I will change and become a snob or something...

Anyway, i told them I was looking for approval or validation of my decision.. I wanted them to know what was going on.. And if they don't agree, that's fine.. it's my body and my life.. They know me.. I'm analytical.. i don't do anything without researching and "counting the cost"...

I believe we will be fine!!

[Qpdsful 2]

Good Morning...just following up since I am not on here much...I have to say THANK YOU Rainsong your going to be amazing and rock the losers bench soon!!

I was just reading Brian's post and must say first my condolences to you and your family. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I love what Brian said it is not a secret it is so freeing....If I may without going on and on about my surgery and history which lead me up to the choice of having surgery tell you and all others considering weight loss surgery. Your choices in this World are just that YOURS, nobody feels your pains, lives with your guilt, and gets the looks we have all gotten when we choose to eat ice cream or sweet treats! I started this journey 07/06/2011 at 268 pounds today I am at 190 with a goal set by my surgeon of 145 my goal was anything under 200! I guess my attitude is simply people can think and talk all they want about me, but I know for a fact that weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out, it is quite the opposite. It is a life changing choice we all made/make for our own personal reasons. We teach people how to treat us, and are always our own worst enemy. PLEASE hold your head up and be proud of who you are and the choices you make. I do not advertise that I had weight loss surgery but if somebody says, "Wow what is your secret..." I tell them I was tired of the struggle and fight with weight I had VS! Generally they will ask about the surgery and most want to know the process and who did it! And of course the insurance battles which I had none of!

Ok I will get off my soap box...for now!