Where Is Your Support When You Need It?

[EnjoyingWhoIAmBecoming 16]

Hey forum family..

Has anyone close to you act as though they were not supportive in your weight loss decision? I guess I am having a hard time with it because my best friend and I (or should I rethink her being my best friend!!!) have been friends for 19 years. I have shared with her my thoughts on having surgery and she does not agree. Now I am my own woman, therefore, I would NEVER change my mind about it based on how she feels.it is just shocking to know that I do not have her support. Now my friend is over weight, has always been. My weight gain started within the last 6 yrs. It leads me to believe that she may be somewhat jealous. I dont want to think this way but I really have no other choice. Please share your input and/or thoughts.

[FionaB 1]

I bet your friend is dead jealous lol. Anyway, I wouldn't fall out with her as Life is just too short!!

[longer-life 139]

I would work really hard to save a 19 year old friendship. I would talk to her, email her, write her multiple times...whatever it takes. She might not agree with your surgery (she is entitled to her opinion), but you can tell her how you wish she would support you or how she is making you feel etc. In my opinion friends or family don't always have to agree with us. As a matter of fact, I would worry if I only have people around me that follow my same religion, politics, race etc.

Having said that I wouldn't tolerate mean things like sabotage, gossip and such. I hope you can save this friendship. 19 years is a lifetime. Best wishes!

[christin 54]

Maybe she just really loves you and the surgery worries her. (just being devil's advocate! )

[clk 3,519]

It's hard to say what's going on in her head. Sometimes people are SO opposed to just the idea of weight loss surgery in general - like it's cheating or something. I'd keep working through this considering her your friend. Try to communicate openly and figure out WHY she feels the way she does. Maybe part of it is worry that she'll be left behind as you achieve your goals. Maybe she's always enjoyed the fact that you're both overweight together, but didn't realize that until you talked about surgery. Maybe shes's just really opposed to elective surgery in general, or knows someone that had a WLS and failed and doesn't want to worry about you. You won't know until you guys try to have a open and frank discussion.

I agree - 19 years is a LONG time. It's a friendship worth trying to save. I hope that if you're open with your friend and can encourage her to be the same way with you then you can both move forward and support one another.

Good luck,

~Cheri

[Stacey Nicole 40]

I'm having a similar issue. My best friend of 16 years needs everything to be about herself. It's a constant need for me to support her. I told her I can't do it anymore and I need her to support me as well. I figured that's a good move since I'm trying to help myself and I will need her. She was offended and said that we might as well not be friends. How does that even work???? I think the big thing is figuring out what roles your friend plays - are they healthy ones? I don't think mine are. I have no idea what's going to happen with her and I but I can't put her first and I won't feel guilty about it! Good luck - sorry for rambling here lol

[Lissa 2,631]

I agree that a 19 year friendship is definitely worth saving, IF it's healthy. You are taking a big step for yourself and your friend may be scared that you two won't be "equal" anymore if you lose weight and she doesn't.

Take a good long look at the relationship. Is it based on only your weight(s), or do the two of you have other things in common? At 19 years, I bet you have lots more in common than just your size. Maybe she needs to be reassured that you won't abandon her just because you get thinner. Maybe she truly is jealous that you're getting to do something she secretly wishes she could do.

I have several larger friends who are very open that they would like to have the surgery, but can't afford it. They have been very supportive of my efforts and I know they are watching to see how I do with the sleeve. My aunts are also watching and think I don't know that they have a pool going about how much weight I'll actually lose!

Good luck on dealing with your friend. I hope that things will get better as she sees that you have changed your weight, but that you are still the same person inside.

[EnjoyingWhoIAmBecoming 16]

Thank yall so much for your inputs..much needed. I now can look at the situation from all the angels that you all have given me. I love this forum...thanks again