Panicking And Fantasizing About Canceling -- Need Your Wise Words

[CoffeeAndMagazines 2]

I still sorta can't believe this, but I just rescheduled my surgery from January 12, 2012 to November 28 -- the Monday after Thanksgiving. I begged for a new date because 10 days ago I started experiencing HORRIBLE panic, fear, anxiety, whatever other words there are for terror.

I'm so grateful to not have to panic for 2 whole months, but I'm still panicking. I'm crying as I write this. I fantasize about just canceling the whole thing.

I've taken an Ativan here and there, but I can't take too many of those. My old cognitive-behavioral therapist has zero availability in such a short period of time. She said, "I'm sorry I can't help you right now." I feel like I'm blowing in the wind, and just in mortal terror.

My big fear is "anesthesia awareness" -- waking up during surgery. I'm afraid of feeling the pain of surgery. I'm afraid of having this raw, cut-up, painful stomach afterwards.

I'm just in terror!! Help!! Does anyone have words of comfort, experience, cheerleading, whatever you've got??

THANK YOU!!!! :-(

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

I do understand your anxiety, nerves etc. I've had a few surgeries and trust me you won't wake up during surgery. you'll do fine with that. And you are right about you not having to panic til January, its much easier just to panic for a few days :smile1:

My DOS isn't til 12/6/11. So here's to a great healthy new year healthy

[gfawcetti 13]

I was just sleeved on Monday & am doing great! As far as the anesthesia part, I vaguely remember leaving the pre op room LOL. Even though I was 'awake' when I was taken into the OR, the drugs they give you have an affect on your memory. I was sore when I woke up so they gave me a pain pump & I was a very happy camper.

Now I am almost 6 days out & only take the pain med to help me sleep since my body is insistent that I sleep on my tummy, which is still a bit uncomfortable.

Congrats on the new date, you will do wonderfully! Keep us posted!

G

[Lissa 2,631]

coffee, I'm glad you moved your surgery date up!! That was a very smart move. It gives you less time to obsess, and you'll be getting thinner and healthier more quickly!

Believe me, you will NOT wake up during surgery. The meds used insure that we stay under because the docs do not want you moving around while they are working on you. I don't remember much for an hour or so after my surgery, even. And, apparently, I decided to walk from the recovery bed to my hospital bed. It was only a couple of feet, but I don't remember it at all.

You were working on different issues last week, if I remember correctly. It sounds like your mind, like mine, is just racing around. I had the same problem. Today I'd be worried about this and tomorrow I would worry about something else. If you meditate, pray, or otherwise do something (besides eating) that soothes you, do that.

Call a friend and go to the bookstore, or take a walk if you are able to do so. Go to a movie...anything to distract yourself. Obviously, avoid horror movies.

If you're really bothered, write downn the worst case scenario, then burn the piece of paper and tell yourself you aren't going to worry about that! I know it sounds hokey, but anything that works to relieve your anxiety is worth doing.

I've posted before that I "knew" I was going to die on the operating table, and I was okay with that becaue I was going to die soon because of the medical complications of obesity if I didn't have the surgery. I was totally surprised to wake up! Then I had to wrap my head around living with what I had done!

From now until surgery, concentrate on reading other people's success stories and on getting you and your house ready for post-op. You'll be so busy you won't have time to worry, I hope!

Best wishes on your pre-op diet (if you have one) and I'm hoping to see you on the loser's bench soon!

[Tenna38 17]

coffee, I'm glad you moved your surgery date up!! That was a very smart move. It gives you less time to obsess, and you'll be getting thinner and healthier more quickly!

Believe me, you will NOT wake up during surgery. The meds used insure that we stay under because the docs do not want you moving around while they are working on you. I don't remember much for an hour or so after my surgery, even. And, apparently, I decided to walk from the recovery bed to my hospital bed. It was only a couple of feet, but I don't remember it at all.

You were working on different issues last week, if I remember correctly. It sounds like your mind, like mine, is just racing around. I had the same problem. Today I'd be worried about this and tomorrow I would worry about something else. If you meditate, pray, or otherwise do something (besides eating) that soothes you, do that.

Call a friend and go to the bookstore, or take a walk if you are able to do so. Go to a movie...anything to distract yourself. Obviously, avoid horror movies.

If you're really bothered, write downn the worst case scenario, then burn the piece of paper and tell yourself you aren't going to worry about that! I know it sounds hokey, but anything that works to relieve your anxiety is worth doing.

I've posted before that I "knew" I was going to die on the operating table, and I was okay with that becaue I was going to die soon because of the medical complications of obesity if I didn't have the surgery. I was totally surprised to wake up! Then I had to wrap my head around living with what I had done!

From now until surgery, concentrate on reading other people's success stories and on getting you and your house ready for post-op. You'll be so busy you won't have time to worry, I hope!

Best wishes on your pre-op diet (if you have one) and I'm hoping to see you on the loser's bench soon!

Great post!

[Felicia 28]

You are having the same feelings I am having. I have my surgery on Nov 30th. I'm not as panicked, but I keep thinking I might want to cancel this whole thing and do it on my own. I know I have tried to do it on my own many times and haven't kept the weight off , but I keep thinking I could this time. But I know in my heart I couldn't. Just try and stay busy, I swear my house seriously sparkles I have cleaned it so much in this short amount of time lol. I am a stay at home mom so I spend a lot of my day with downtime. My downtime usually used to equate to scarf down time lol, so now I am dealing with the head hunger.

You will be fine. I was worried about waking up during my first surgery , now I joke about looking forward to the break LOL. I'm always telling them to keep me out a little longer so I don't have to go home as soon. I have never once felt pain during surgeries. I was awake during my c-section and I didn't feel that pain either. Just a ton of shoving around.

Moving your date up was IMO a great thing, the sooner you get it done the better for YOU! Just try and stay busy and like previous poster said time will fly by. In 5 months from now you will thinner and happier and not even thinking about this time.

Good Luck hun, keep us posted.

[Veda 12]

I was sleeved on Friday morning. I had so much stress from work that the surgery wasn't the uppermost thing on my mind and that probably helped me.

Although not everyone has it as easy as I am, this surgery has been the oddest thing because I feel like nothing happened. My stomach has the scars, but I just feel like I've done too many sit-ups. I can sleep on my side, don't feel dizzy, can take care of all my own needs, and have no nausea. I wish I had done this years ago so my health would not have been compromised by waiting and hoping counting points would work if I tried it for the 20th time!

It is so odd to me to have major surgery with so little discomfort - I hope my surgeon really did take out some of my stomach - LOL!

If you decide to go through with being sleeved, I hope your experience goes well too. This forum is filled with people like me who are doing very well right out of the hospital. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my surgery took place at 8:45am and I was home by 3:00 as an outpatient.

[Less of Leslie 90]

I could not imagine cancelling this gift!!! I am scheduled for Dec 5 and it can't get here fast enough! I have been fat and miserable too damn long. I will not spend another year trapped inside this body. I have tried EVERYTHING only to loose 40# and gain 50 back. I will not be on the yo-yo anymore. I am looking forward to my new life.

I am scared of going under, I have never had surgery before. I trust my Dr and his team. I have heard about the woman that says she was fully aware of everything during her surgery, (It wasn't WLS, but thatis besides the point) I have heard from several Drs, including the 2 I work for, that it is not likely that happened. She may have been in a vivid dream state, but the Drs have you so sedated that you will not feel or remember anything.

Don't let your temporary anxiety ruin your chance at a healthy life.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

You can do this - make it until your surgery and make it through the surgery. Somewhere, you probably have had someone work with you on positive imagery. Try to do some of this.

Put on some relaxing music you like - not too loud - I am imagining you are listening to some quite jazz. Lay day or get in a recliner. Adjust the room light to a soothing dimmness. Lay back, close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Try to not think about anything at first, just concentrate on taking slow deep breaths. Then, think back to a time you were thin and happy. (or if you have never been thin, imagine yourself being thin and happy). Picture this thin, happy you doing the things you can't do now but would like too. Maybe wearing a pair of "skinny jeans" - or some sexy VS underwear for a special someone to enjoy with you - or doing some physical activity you miss doing (horseback riding, swing dancing, skydiving - whatever is your passion). Try to give this skinny happy you as rich and satisfying life as you can imagine. Don't let yourself think about getting to that point - just think about being at that point. Make that vision as desirable as you can - you really need to make it something you want really really badly. Keep the fantasy going for a while.

Once you are ready to come back to the you lying in the recliner, open your eyes. Immediately tell yourself that the life you imagined is yours for the taking - all you have to do is have the surgery and follow your doctor's program. Nothing that you can think between now and surgery is worth denying yourself the great life you imagined. Don't let anyone (you included) or anything stop you from achieving your goal.

Good luck. If your cognitive therapist can't help you and you want to work on this kind of stuff - any hypnotist should be able to help you.

Sharon

[CoffeeAndMagazines 2]

You guys are unspeakably awesome. I am so grateful and touched by all your cheerleading, advice, and words of comfort!! Thank you all!!!!

I'm going to do the surgery -- it would take a lot for me to really cancel it. Ativan is helping, to be honest. So is talking with my family. The doctor's office staff isn't the most patient/compassionate bunch -- which is making it harder -- but I'm going to try to get them to hook me up with the anesthesiologist to have a chat. And it helps to talk to you guys!

Meanwhile, I'm doing a pre-op liquid Protein fast, and it's actually not too bad (knock on wood). It's a bit of a bummer to miss Thanksgiving, but I've already lost 5 lbs, which makes me feel like, "Hey! The ball is rolling and this is already working for me!" AND I get to have my Christmas back, because by then this will be all over with and I can actually enjoy it instead of freaking out!!

Thank you again for your really super-helpful words. I'm going to print this out and keep it with me!

[Seraphina 60]

I recently had an unrelated surgery and was worried about the same thing. Before I let the anesthesiologist do anything I asked him if there's a chance I will feel everything and not be able to move. (I'd heard the horror stories, too)

He said that one of the drugs they give you has the effect of amnesia so no matter what happens, you won't remember a thing when you wake up.

As far as the possibility of awareness, he said it is exceedingly rare but does happen. And they know the second it happens because the monitors go crazy from your physiological reaction to this, and they can fix it almost instantly.

Don't worry, but if you are still worried talk to the anesthesiologist before you go under. I did and felt great relief after doing so.

[peacequeen 434]

I've had many surgeries,,including my organs being dissected,,you can handle this. Think of the pain and suffering you put yourself through now by being overweight. Think how much worse that it could get. You've gotten alot of great advice..you're going to do great! It sounds like you are already doing really well except a case of nerves..which I think is very normal.