Ashamed of WLS?

[Less of Leslie 90]

So, I am of course hiding that I will be having my VSG in December (hopefully..fingers crossed). My mom knows, of course my husband and best friend know, other than that, no one else. I have brought it up to others and they just act shocked and appauled. What is the deal with being ashamed of this? I feel like people look at it like we are taking the "lazy way or easy way out". I am SO EXCITED to have this surgery and move on with my life. I want others to be excited too, but instead it is looked down on and ridiculed. Any others going thru this? How are you dealing, or are you in hiding with it too? All of a sudden I will be losing all this weight...will I have to BS and just owe it all to " diet excersise and lots of water!" ? Or do I say "yes, I had WLS and I am proud of it!" ?

[Amanda131 214]

Every person handles this conundrum differently. I definitely struggled with some feelings of shame myself. I felt that I had failed because I wasn't able to do this "myself". I have some perfectionist issues and had to make peace with that. Going through this the last 8 months and realizing that success takes a lot of hard work and that this is no magic bullet has helped me, too.

As for others, there will be naysayers and negative people. After a complication-free surgery I decided not to hide how I was losing weight. I felt I owed it to those who were obese, like I was, to not lie. I learned about the VSG because someone else was honest about their weight loss so it was almost a paying forward issue with me. I have not encountered anyone who is openly negative but I am sure there are have been comments I didn't hear.

I think the key is to make peace with your decision, what you are comfortable sharing and then live your life as you see fit paying no attention to those willing to rain on your parade.

Best of Luck-

Amanda

[mona777 12]

I have one more weight mgt. class next week and if approved I will not tell any one. The only person that knows is my sister that lives out of town. I told her not to tell the rest of our family including our parents because I know they would tell others and I'm just not ready for all the feed back or begging me not to do it. My two best friends live out of town and I haven't told them either. I don't know who will drive me to and from the hospital yet. I guess I will have to let someone know who can drive me. I only plan on telling others I'm dieting and exercising. Maybe after time passes I will be able to admit to surgery but for now I'll just keep quiet about my decision.

[Sarah E. S. 6]

Oh I understand that! I have had mixed responses for my decision, some are scared for me, and some think it's laziness, and some think it's wonderful, I just have to do what I think is right for me, because in the end, I am the one who has to live in this body for the res of my life, not them. You can do it girl!! <3

[iegal 460]

So you know my bias - I did not even tell my own mother for over three months that I had surgery. My dad still does not know at one year out. My child did not find out except by reading my diet paperwork when i was out of town which was left out by me accidentally.

This decision was so deeply personal to me. My husband did not find out about my desire for WLS until the day before consult and I sought out counseling prior to consult to ensure my dedication to this path. I paid for WLS here in the US, caught by not being medically obese enough to have surgery paid for by insurance yet doomed to slowly gain weight in oncoming years.

So - why did I only tell my husband and two dear friends? Because this was all about me. Did my decision affect others, yes but indirectly. Am I ashamed I needed help? Somewhat.

Today when a friend annouces to a store clerk...she has lost 80#'s this last year or to TSA agents who see my DL picture and do a double take - I confess about WLS. To those at work, church, neighbors, family members? No, I say I was under doctors care while drastically reducing my intake. I do not minimize the diet or work faced to lose weight, regardless of surgery or not.

I was not and am not ready to face the rawness of the emotions which are so transparent to those who know me well. To acquaintences, YEAH VSG surgery. I scream YES for those who need WLS. Putting on my mask of bravado is easy for stranger so yes, I open up easily to others of no consequence in my life or those who have had a history with me. My weight really bothered me more than I admitted to anyone, enven myself. But the choice is yours always on surgery or another diet to lose weight.

WLS is not shameful, just emotional and personal.

Hugs on your choice. I have no regrets.

And as my surgeon says - It takes courage to show who you really are.

[Sarah E. S. 6]

And as my surgeon says - It takes courage to show who you really are.

This touched me, thanks for sharing iegal <3

[amberj 21]

I have no shame in getting this done. I want the whole world to know that i'm doing something for myself to make me healthier , happier, and a better mother to my children. I don't necessarily care if someone has a problem with it because after all, it is my body and my heath that's at risk. I've had nothing but good responses, everyone understands and is supportive for the most part. my fiance is a little worried about it and doesn't want me to have it done but oh well, i doing it anyways. I say BE PROUD! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. this is for you, don't let negativity ruin it for you. own it and love it. if you are anything like me, this is the best decision you ever made for your health! you might even inspire someone else to look into it when all other options have failed. good luck with everything

[Paul_Y 3]

All of my close friends and family know because I told them after I was approved. Now I may make ocasional comments about a specific diet food on Facebook here or there, and I ocasionally get a PM asking me what it was about. I don't hide it if asked by aquantences because they will either disaprove or ask about it because one of their loved ones is considering it. I am not "proud that I had WLS", but I am "proud that I am improving my life and ability to be more active with my son and wife".

[Sonja 16]

I shout it loud & proud, but that is just my personality. I hope I empower somebody else to take control of their weight & their lives

[mythreechildren2001 7]

There was time when I was younger, that I wouldn't have told a soul. But now (maybe because I'm 47 and getting cantankerous) I just don't care what people think anymore. Everyone who knows me knows how many times I have been on Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slimfast, diet pills, plus literally DOZENS more. They know how I ruined my knee forever from exercise. Maybe it finally was the easy way out for me because it was a guarantee that I will lose, but I don't care. I haven't hidden it from anyone, because I DON'T CARE! (Did I mention that I'm becoming cantankerous with age?) lol I have tried and failed and tried an failed and tried and failed so many times. I just couldn't go on with it anymore.

My husband was so against me having surgery, but he couldn't have stopped me if he had tried. We have been married for 22 years and we consult each other about most everything, but this was non negotiable. I FINALLY had the opportunity for insurance coverage for surgery, and I was taking it.

I feel 1000 times better already. I'm already a better wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend, etc because I now have the energy to go around for everybody. I LOVE my sleeve and I will shout it from the rooftops!

As I see it, people are going to talk. The more they know something bothers you, the more they are going to talk. I decided to take that power away from them. My best friend, however, (who is also 47) is trying to have it done but she will have to self pay because she doesn't meet insurance qualifications. She's not nearly as heavy as I was. She plans to only tell her husband. I will go to my grave keeping her secret, because that is her choice. We all have to do what we are comfortable with, but I feel no shame.

You do what you have to do. I really don't feel that there is a right way or a wrong way to handle this. Enjoy your sleeve, because it is amazing!!

[cutie pie 71]

i decided not to share with everyone ... just my ex-husband and best friend ... no one else knows ... my decision - i hate being judged by others who have no idea what it was like for me trying on my own to lose all this weight i have tried everything and yes i would lose some weight but always gained it back plus... i don't mind working out, but i love my sleeve THANK GOD FOR RESTRICTION AND EXERCISE OR I WOULD STILL BE 247LBS. So you're not alone yes we are made to feel ashamed, because of people who judge so harshly... but i would do it again in a heart beat and not tell a soul... it's a personal choice- to tell or not to tell- your decision : )

[thinoneday 445]

Yup, controversy here. . . it depends really on how you feel about WLS overall. . .but let me tell you one thing. . once you've had your surgery and are about 3 - 4 months out you are going to see something very very surprising. . . not only will you have lost a bunch of weight and feel good, but suddenly there come the stalls and the slight gains. . . you actually have to work at it. . .this isn't a magic cure for obesity, just a tool, like a hammer lets say. . . in order to get the nail into the wall, YOU have to do the work right? Just like that hammer, this sleeve won't work unless YOU make it work, you still have to watch, very carefully, what you put into your mouth and so on. . . it won't just jump up and do it for you, so it's definately NOT the easy way out. . . the lazy way out is stupid, whoever thought of that saying must be really ignorant. . . anyhow what to tell people is definately up to you and how you feel about the surgery. . . I tell people but then I don't care about their reactions either. . .i did this for me and not for them. . . .good luck!

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

Yup, controversy here. . . it depends really on how you feel about WLS overall. . .but let me tell you one thing. . once you've had your surgery and are about 3 - 4 months out you are going to see something very very surprising. . . not only will you have lost a bunch of weight and feel good, but suddenly there come the stalls and the slight gains. . . you actually have to work at it. . .this isn't a magic cure for obesity, just a tool, like a hammer lets say. . . in order to get the nail into the wall, YOU have to do the work right? Just like that hammer, this sleeve won't work unless YOU make it work, you still have to watch, very carefully, what you put into your mouth and so on. . . it won't just jump up and do it for you, so it's definately NOT the easy way out. . . the lazy way out is stupid, whoever thought of that saying must be really ignorant. . . anyhow what to tell people is definately up to you and how you feel about the surgery. . . I tell people but then I don't care about their reactions either. . .i did this for me and not for them. . . .good luck!

Hi all, my WLS is around the corner 12/6/11. I can't wait. I have been heavy since i was a teenager - i'm 58. My mother always and still reminds me. I told my 35 yr old daughter who is always supportive of me whatever I do. In a weak moment i told my mom too. (i wish i had not) she's so happpy to be eventually seeing a normal size daughter. My 4 siblings are all normal weight, whatever that is.

To tell or not, its up to individual of course In my case, my family has seen my ups and downs so much its just embarrassing. DH and I are going out of state to be with siblings for the holiday. Once more i weigh more than did last time. I think if i told them about the WLS

Maybe i don't give my family enough credit, but i feel they would think, "easy" way out, etc. But we all know there is nothing easy about this. I think people actually think we wake up one morning and take a magic pill, and all of a sudden are thin, thats why they think its easy. Oh well. I wish there was a magic pill o(

Oh well, I think a great many people decide not to tell many. But on the other hand, some have no problem telling )

Whatever choice you make will be the right one for you. Continued good luck - Kathy

[legnarevocrednu 47]

Not EVERYONE looks at it negatively. Surprisingly, everyone I've told has been amazingly supportive. If they truley care about you, they will support you. That being said, there are a few people I would like to tell that I haven't because I believe their reactions would be negative. I figured I'd wait until after surgery and see how they respond to my losing weight. I have a feeling I'll just tell them I'm dieting, seeing a nutritionist, exercising...which will all be the truth. I have told a lot of people, even people I'm not close to because I felt like they could benefit from the information. It's funny, one of my friends is even doing the pre op diet with me to show support! She hopes to lose weight too, but I'm so grateful and happy to have friends like that. You definitely need a support system to help you through this. Just trust your gut on who can handle the truth and who can't. Good luck!

[swizzly 901]

I didn't tell my family until well after the fact, and beforehand just my husband and a few close friends knew. I'm not at all ashamed, but I keep almost everything personal very close to the chest because of professional reasons.

And "easy way out"? SO WHAT? LOL. I think the 'easy way out' is awesome, and is exactly what clever people do in all sorts of situations, to save time, money, effort, frustration, failure, etc.