Ashamed of WLS?

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

Before surgery, my husband, family, boss and a couple of close friends knew. After I got back to work and started losing, I told people when they asked abou my weight loss. I am not ashamed of it and don't try to hide it. But I am not trying to sell anyone on the idea of not hiding it. It is each of us's (bad grammar) own personal business.

Whatever you decide - good luck on the journey.

[ATeam 38]

I ended up telling my all my in-laws. They were EXTREMELY supportive and cried. Just goes to show you that the people who you are scared of telling the most might just surprise you!

[Makingchanges 51]

I would like to say this is very personal for me. Before I ever knew about any weight loss surgery, I would always pray and ask God to help me lose this weight and I didn’t try many diets, but what I did do is started to eat more healthier and excised five days a week and when I go to the gym I didn’t play I worked hard at first I started to see this weight drop off. I was excited then four months down the line the pounds just stop coming off and I started to change my routine up with the help of some the personal trainer in gym, I attend and I would see a few pounds leave but then I would just be working out to maintain the weight I was at, not gaining nor losing. So, I kept praying asking God and I started to seek things that help a little but the same results and I end up just losing money, then one morning after I was in prayer I got on the computer and I tell you WLS just kind of jump out at me. I then went back into prayer and I ask God if it be His will, could I have this surgery and if so make a way for me, and give me the strength to do what is needed to be successful with this tool.

So, I started the process and only my youngest two children knew what I was doing, because they live with me and I had already started making life changes in my household with food, they knew my journey and seen what I had been doing. I told them what I had been praying about and ask did they want to go with me to the seminar and they went ask lots of questions and they are my biggest fans/supporters now. I told my oldest son and he said no mama that’s dangerous even though we use to work out together when he lived closer to me, and I had to tell him any surgery is dangerous and if I had any other disease that was life threating and surgery would be a tool to help me be healthy I would have it, I had to explain that obesity is a disease and he seen what I had been doing to help myself and it didn’t work out for me, so now I am getting a tool that will help me be successful with this weight loss and he is content, I haven’t told my oldest daughter yet and don’t know when I would tell her only because she can’t hold Water when it comes to family. A few others people maybe four or five that are very close and they are supportive with my decision. Oh yeah my parents and siblings don’t know either.

I am saying all this to you because this is a personal decision you have to make and live with the rest of your life. I do not depend on people, not even the surgeon, I put all my trust in God and my faith lies in Him to see me through this process and anything else I may have to go through in life, because He created me and knows this body better than me.

For I am not ashamed about the work that will be done in me, I will wear this sleeve like I was born with it.

I pray that you will have peace with the decision that you will make, and not be ashamed of becoming healthy with or without a tool, based on your needs and wants out of this life, you only have one life and I hope that you live it to the fullest in Jesus Name. Amen!!!

God bless you,

Gina

[peacequeen 434]

When I grow up, I want to be just like you Makingchanges What you say makes total sense to me. I am a faithful person and maybe what you say will make me see things differently. Not about telling people because I already agree with how you are handling it, I am doing the same. When I have the surgery, I will tell people if they ask but I've been just telling people who are close to me to keep positive thoughts coming my way..I have some family and friends who aren't so positive and would probably try to sabotage what I'm trying to do. What I'm talking about is how you are giving it all to God. I don't want to take this forum to a spiritual place but He did make my body so I should lean on Him more to get me through this. I've prayed and maybe asked for too much instead of just saying,,"Here Lord,,you take this journey and lead me on it". Thank you for opening my eyes a little wider, Makingchanges.

[Living again 11/17/2011 40]

I am so thankful for this surgery 6 days ppost op and I cant tell you how great the experience was went smoothly I feel great and I tell every1 it takes guts and determination to take control of your life and make it a healthier and happier one for you so who ever is listening I am so happy I have been sleeved!

[Becca 108]

I was embarrassed when I was getting my revision. My band never worked right, and I know people blammed me for that. They thought it was me just pigging out, when that wasn't the case. There were lots of times with the band that all I could eat was ice cream or other sliders. I felt better when my revision doctor told me that my band actually had a defect, which caused it to fall apart inside my body. Now that I have been successful with the sleeve, I tell everyone that asks. Most people I am in contact with have asked me what I am doing to lose weight and I explain it to them. I hope that I can inspire anyone else struggling to get the sleeve. Life is too short to spend it suffering with obesity. I figure that most people wouldn't believe me anyway if I just said I dieted. I rather just tell the truth in hopes of helping someone.

[Indymom 132]

I've told all my closest friends and of course my family. If anyone asks me or compliments me on my weight loss, I tell them that I had surgery - lots of them want to know what kind, and it gives me an opportunity to dispel many of the myths and preconceived ideas about surgery. I've been posting my C25K progress on FB (well, at least until I had to take a break due to other medical concerns) so it's been a good way to show people that YES, I had WLS and NO, it wasn't the easy way out - I'm in better overall health than I've been in years, and not just from the weight loss. I'm more physically active, quit smoking, etc. Most everyone is either incredibly supportive, I haven't really had anyone be negative about it (at least in front of me).

I'm not a very private person and I know other people are, so I think it's completely up to you how you handle talking about it.

[peacequeen 434]

It's been like I need to get something off my chest around my sisters (I have 6 of them). I had told a couple and it was mixed but I talked to all of them together last night after Thanksgiving dinner and to my surprise they were saying how exciting it is and they are happy for me. They just want me to be healthy. I explained that I had 5 dr recommendations for this surgery and they said it sounded like I was doing the right thing..I'm really excited now that I can share this whole experience with them.

[omamilam 11]

So glad to see this topic. I started this process telling NO ONE. I had a huge fight with my mom when she told a family friend who asked her about my health. I felt very ashamed and as if it were a sign I failed. Like everyone around me could lose weight without surgery and something must be wrong with me if I can't. Clearly, I just don't have enough willpower, determination, drive, or desire to be thin. Or maybe I'm lazy. I spent a long time beating myself up about it and crying. I told the therapist how much I hated being at this point.

The therapist at the clinic was really helpful. She pointed out that we don't judge people for other things they do to get healthy. No one says to you, "Boy, you'd better stop wearing those glasses! If you'd just squint more, you could totally see the paper!" If we accept the premise that obesity is a disease, then a medical cure isn't something you judge. It just is what it is. Glasses help you see. Surgery can help you lose weight.

It took a while but I think it finally sank in. I have had people try to give me horror stories but I try to head them off by saying, "Oh please don't tell me anything bad. It took me so long to make this decision and I've met with my doctor, therapist, and surgeon. I want to head into this process with only positive vibes so I get the best outcome."

Now I'm about a month from surgery. I'm still not talking about it with many people. I'm not hiding it but honestly, it's none of their business. I don't feel like it's a failure - I feel like it's private. I am telling people if it's something that impacts them...for example, I have a standing Wed night dinner and knitting group with some friends. Some I know well and some I barely know. I'm not going to dinner for the next few weeks due to my liquid diet and then I'll miss knitting due to the surgery and recovery time. I told them a few weeks ago and last night (which was my last pre Optifast meal), they went to my favorite restaurant and we had a last meal together. Not one of them has been anything but supportive.

In fact, one lady who I barely know came up and told me how she called her daughter in law to apologize. A year ago the DIL had a lapband put in and this woman commented to her that if she would just work harder, she would lose the weight without surgery. Seeing what I've been doing to get ready has really affected my coknitter and she called her DIL and said how wrong she was.

I'm selective about it but anyone who knows me knows that I've tried everything under the sun. I didn't wake up this morning a hundred pounds overweight. I even did kickboxing at one point - I was a size 24 and it hurt like crazy but I thought it would work so I did it. Everyone who has found out or I've told has said some variation of "You've tried so much. I hope this is the thing that works for you." Then they have a ton of questions because most of them haven't heard about the sleeve before.

I concur on it being PRIVATE. If anyone asks me how I lost weight, I will just tell them with lots of hard work and dedication and I won't be telling a lie. It isn't their business and it is personal and private. Only my immediate family knows. Hubby, Kids and Mom because they deserve to know and I will need their support.

[Paul11011 372]

I went into this process feeling ashamed of me. I fought for as long as I could to keep myself from facing the reality that WLS was my most viable obtion for having any hope of a longer healthier life. I still feel a bit of a sting of shame when I talk about how much I have lost, because the reality is that I would not have the opportunity to lose so much, had I not been so large.

The shame that I once held about my need to have WLS has now been replaced by the joy of having made a decision which has so positively affected my life. I tell everyone that inquires about my loss what I have done. Those that have known me are so excited for me and realize just how much better my life and prospect of health are.

There have been a select few that have not openly stated their displeasure, but I sensed from them a sense of it. I have handle those people in one of two ways. If their hesitancy comes from concern for me and ignorance about the process, then I willingly share with them how dire my health had been, the benefits I have seen from the procedure and engauge them in conversations to help them understand my decision. The other group and admittedly there has been just one lady thus far, I have fun with. (insert sinister, evil side here). She is the lady that upon hearing that i had WLS told me she was doing it "the hard way" by doing weight watchers. I asked her if she had done WW before and she told me she had, I asked her how it worked for her, (bet you'll guess) she said, "It worked great while I was on it, but then I gained all that weight back plus more" I said that I was sorry to hear that it did not work for her before and asked her what she planned to do differently this time so that it would stay off. Funny how uncomfortable she became when the table turned. After stammering for a bit, yeah I let her kinda just babble, I said I sure hope it works for you this time. Then I explained that I had came to a realization that my health was important enough that I needed a more effective solution than riding another yo-yo.

[Veda 12]

Great topic! I told my husband who was very upset at the thought of me having elective surgery. His cousin died from the old fashioned stomach stapling 30 years ago. His sister and niece did have bypass and their results are dramatically positive. This made it possible for my hubby to turn his mind around and be supportive AND for me to be open with his family. They are all supportive - EASY. In fact, my mother-in-law teared up when my husband told her today that I'm down 20 pounds. They are my cheerleaders now.

If either of my parents were still living, I would not have told them because they would never have understood and I don't like the feeling of banging my head against a wall. My best gal friend was told and she was not supportive at all, which was surprising. She and I have started and stopped counting points so many times that I've lost count. Now she makes comments about her needing to lose weight or my loss will out perform hers. It's odd how people react, but now I know her limits and love her regardless.

I opted to even tell my boss who then told me that she wished I had discussed this with her earlier so she could talk me out of it and that I was not heavy enough to have WLS. I guess that was a compliment???

I've personally gotten to the point in life that I want to own the shoes I stand in and am unwilling to sllow anyone to have a vote regarding decisions I have the right and responsibility to make for myself. I'm not wearing a sign that says, "Hi, I've Been Sleeved," but I'm not avoiding the subject either.

To each his/her own. I think the best we can hope for is peace of mind with whatever it is we decide to do. The best to you!

[tracyf1 0]

There was time when I was younger, that I wouldn't have told a soul. But now (maybe because I'm 47 and getting cantankerous) I just don't care what people think anymore. Everyone who knows me knows how many times I have been on Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slimfast, diet pills, plus literally DOZENS more. They know how I ruined my knee forever from exercise. Maybe it finally was the easy way out for me because it was a guarantee that I will lose, but I don't care. I haven't hidden it from anyone, because I DON'T CARE! (Did I mention that I'm becoming cantankerous with age?) lol I have tried and failed and tried an failed and tried and failed so many times. I just couldn't go on with it anymore.

My husband was so against me having surgery, but he couldn't have stopped me if he had tried. We have been married for 22 years and we consult each other about most everything, but this was non negotiable. I FINALLY had the opportunity for insurance coverage for surgery, and I was taking it.

I feel 1000 times better already. I'm already a better wife, mother, teacher, daughter, friend, etc because I now have the energy to go around for everybody. I LOVE my sleeve and I will shout it from the rooftops!

As I see it, people are going to talk. The more they know something bothers you, the more they are going to talk. I decided to take that power away from them. My best friend, however, (who is also 47) is trying to have it done but she will have to self pay because she doesn't meet insurance qualifications. She's not nearly as heavy as I was. She plans to only tell her husband. I will go to my grave keeping her secret, because that is her choice. We all have to do what we are comfortable with, but I feel no shame.

You do what you have to do. I really don't feel that there is a right way or a wrong way to handle this. Enjoy your sleeve, because it is amazing!!

Hi,

I have been researching WLS for about 3 years. I am an ICU nurse and now that the Sleeve is available, I plan to go through with it. My BMI is just slightly above 40, but my knees are shot. I take Celebrex every day to help with the knee pain. I won't have knee surgery until I lost the weight. How are your knees after the WLS? Are you able to take any meds post sleeve for arthritic pain? I am very afraid that I will have the surgery and then without the Celebrex, I won't be able to walk. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

[peacequeen 434]

I am pre op and have had to go off of celebrex for now. I have osteoarthritis and I will admit it is painful and difficult for me to walk at times. I'm hoping it will be worth it. I was told by my dr's that my arthritis and the pain that goes with it will improve. I feel for you.

[My Big Day 3/15/2011 4]

Just wait until those people start to see the pounds shed off of you and your life turn around...then they will be begging to know what you are doing. That is when you proudly say that you had weight loss surgery and it saved your life! Now that I have lost 105 lbs I tell anyone and everyone how I did it. I am an advocate to weight loss surgery for weight loss when you have failed at diet attempts. I think it takes a considerable amount of courage and intelligence to undergo this form of weight loss and anyone who does so should be extremely proud of their decision to add 10 to 15 years to their life expectancy. Good luck and hold your head high knowing that you are one of the lucky few that will actually be fulfilling their new years resolution this year!

[jessicaemilia 2]

Great topic! I struggled with this myself.

I told a few people and stopped when I got the first very negative and very unsupportive comment. I don't need that negativity so close to surgery (1/3/12). After surgery I will let people know. I'm not going to perpetuate the beleif that diet and excercise is the simple answer for all people, because unfortunately it was not for me.

I needed a special surgery in order to carry my daughter to term and I felt empowered to have the surgery because so many others were so open about it in person and on blogs over the net. As someone mentioned earlier in this thread...it is about paying forward for me.

I know the joy that is to finally be a mother after losing 2 baby girls mid pregnancy. I have told so many people about the surgery I had in order to carry my daughter to term...and know of 2 people personally that had the surgery because I was open about it...and I know of many others that have told me online that they are looking into it or having it done because I was open about my expereince.

I am looking forward to a positive outcome with my VSG and will pay the knowledge forward asap