female only SEX...TMI??? I Know But I Gotta "ASK"!!!

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Sex is waaaay better. It was good before, but wow, it's great now. I'm much more secure and missionary is NOT the only or even the primary position!!

This is funny that I stumbled across this topic. My husband asked me this past weekend if anybody had ever posted anything about their husbands. He said it took a while for him to get use to the new me. He KNEW it was me, but it didn't feel like me. I'm so much smaller, he can "lift" me like someone said....I have bones now. He says I am so light.....he's use to me now, but he said it was very strange for a while. Not bad strange, just didn't feel like me.

[*susan* 1,709]

When I first had the surgery, I pretty much didn't have a sex life because my husband of ten years was cheating on me with his first wife, and having several online affairs as well. Prior to my discovering that, sex was more of a chore than anything. It just took too much effort on my part with all the extra weight.

Now, I am with an amazing man, and neither one of us can get enough of each other. It is exciting, amazing and always changing, even after being together for nearly two years.

[Sassygirl06 962]

When I first had the surgery, I pretty much didn't have a sex life because my husband of ten years was cheating on me with his first wife, and having several online affairs as well. Prior to my discovering that, sex was more of a chore than anything. It just took too much effort on my part with all the extra weight.

Now, I am with an amazing man, and neither one of us can get enough of each other. It is exciting, amazing and always changing, even after being together for nearly two years.

OMG!!!! I would have probably ended up in jail if this had happened to me! WOW girl! I am so sorry that this happened to you, but thankfully you turned it around and now have a man that treats you right, and that you enjoy sex now. it is such an important part of life

[*susan* 1,709]

LOL, Sassy, I figure it just meant I had to experience the bad to really appreciate my great man I have now.

I have always felt sex is a very important part of a relationship. It seems to me, if things are going well in the bedroom, then you have a greater sense of intimacy and closeness and are able to handle anything that life throws at you as a couple.

[jewelwithin 13]

Sigh... was looking forward to that estrogen storm everyone talks about. The one where the fat melts and releases estrogen and the libido goes through the roof... sigh... I guess menopause and the hysterectomy leached all the estrogen. Maybe husbands comments don't help either.... You lost 40 lbs... where... hmmn your stomach is collapsing in on itself, u gonna lose that on your neck? ur breasts used to be fuller, you got what... about 40 lbs left just in you stomach? how come ur stomach is starting to sag... u need to lose more and it will go away...

Sorry had to vent.

Khy

This really hit a nerve with me. My husband I separated several months ago. He made it known through critical comments and behavior over the years that he wasn't happy with my appearance -- even when I weighed much less than I do now. He even got to the point where he refused to have sex at all.

The comment, "you need to lose more and it will go away" makes me think that he is not overweight (or not as much as you have been)? And so maybe he doesn't understand that when you lose a significant amount of weight you are going to have skin/fat overhangs? I just wondered because my husband said very similar things to me at a point several years ago when I weighed far less but had a panniculus from how much my tummy stretched during my pregnancies. He thought I could just exercise it off. Uh, nope!

But beyond all this, sexual arousal has as much to do with what's going on in your head as it does your physical body (size, shape, hormones, etc.) How on earth does he expect you to feel excited about hopping in the sack with him if he's constantly making negative statements and asking critical questions about every last part of your body? All of us that struggle with weight know that we have enough negativity running around in our heads about our body image, so having the person who is going to be physically intimate with us adding to the mix just makes things worse. ESPECIALLY after you've made the choice to do the hard work necessary with WLS to reclaim a healthier you.

Maybe present him with a list of these negative things he has said and tell him now he's got to come up with just as many positive things to say about you to balance the scale (no pun intended)!!

Sorry to vent, too -- as you can tell my emotions are still a little raw over my own husband situation.