Really Depressed

[NeenBand 7]

Hey all,

I'm sooooooooo depressed.

I have to go meet my boyfriend's family for the first time at a wedding next month. Not only am I fat as a house still, but i'm older than he is and they will wonder what the heck is he doing with me.

I was trying on dresses yesterday and let's face it, when you really heavy, nothing looks good. It was like putting silks over a bag of potatoes.

When we first heard of the wedding, I thought I'd be looking good by then. But I have been without a fill since my surgery in March. My band is just sitting there and I'm getting hungry and I'm gaining the weight I lost during the first weeks out of surgery.

(You can read the reasons for no fill here:)

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=20319

I used to think "Well at least I lost wheat i did" but now I can't say that anymore.

I'm so depressed gang.:think

[juliegeraci 7]

Be good to yourself. 25 lbs is nothing to balk over. I know how it is when we face the mirror and especially when we try and buy clothes. Try and think of the positive changes you are doing. The weight is just there and its hard to face. Don't let this discourage you. When we think of ourselves only as fat and "bags of potatoes" it destroys what weight we have lost and the self esteem. Just try and relax, pick a dress that looks the best on you and go from there. Love yourself. Good luck.

[NeenBand 7]

Hi Julie. I 've gained back 7 lbs of that loss this month. :-(

Anyone know of a place online where you can get flattering evening dresses?

[barbara465 2]

Remember that he loves you for you, not how you look. Put on a dress and go to the wedding with your head held high. Be yourself and his family will see what he sees in you. Don't think of yourself as unworthy because you are fat. You are you, and you happens to carry a little extra baggage. He shouldn't and doesn't define who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. You have nothing to explain to anyone.

Enjoy the wedding, his family, and most of all, the love you share with your boyfriend.

[juliegeraci 7]

Here is one site: http://www.blair.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?pagenumber=1&categoryId=87664&pcats=87616,87664&catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&langId=-1

Go on google and type in plus size evening dresses and you will be able to see additional sites. Good luck.

[NeenBand 7]

Thanks Barbara and Julie.

I'll check that link out.

My self esteem is to tied into what others think of me, I know. I also grew up in a family that had a lot to say about how women should look.

I'm also very depressed because getting a fill does not look to be happening for me, so I fear not only will I gain what I lost back, but will never lose this weight. That iwent through the pain of that surgery for nothing.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

http://shop.nordstrom.com/c/2382064/0~2376776~2374327~6002274~2382064

Nordies really has some flattering dresses that you can try for the wedding. and if you order one and it doesn't look good you can return it to your local nordies with no fuss. I suggest checking them out.

I used to work for Encore. I know how to fit people pretty well. What size are you, bra size, height and skin tone? I'll see if i can pick out a few that i know would look good on you.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

oh, yeah what is your basic shape? are you an apple? a pear? and hourglass?

and what type of wedding is this? very formal? tea time wedding? garden wedding?

[NeenBand 7]

Wow FunnyDuddies, thank you!!!

I'm sure I'm not alone in that I have not pirchased nice clothes for myself at this weight. I used to know what looked good on me, but not at the current body shape. So, THANK YOU.

I'm fitting into a size 20 right now I'm 5'6.My bust is 44, waist 41, hips 48. I'm very fair skinned and a blonde. My boyfriend likes black. Burgundy has always been flattering because of my skin.

Also, this wedding will be in September, in Georgia, in the evening. I heard they don't get as dressed up as we do here in the NY/NJ area, but I will need sleeves as my arms look terrible without.

My boyfriend is an usher, and they told him to wear a black suit. So I guess it's not black tie? I have to find out for sure.

And I'm an apple. Huge gut.

[barbara465 2]

Try this link http://www.theeveningstore.com/cgi-local/SoftCart.exe/plus_size_gowns_dresses_jackets.html?L+scstore+pstk7270ff633663+1153577984

I ordered my wedding dress from this site. It was beautiful. I like the one piece dresses that look like 2 pieces. It fits all occassions.

[NeenBand 7]

Both links are wonderful!!

The dresses look beautiful and I spot a couple I like, but how will I know the style will flatter me, you know?

I have a Nordies nearby.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2886581/0~2376776~2374327~6002274~2382064?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=2382064&P=4

this is a VERY flattering style for your shape, and the sleeves do a lot for the arms.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2891658/0~2376776~2374327~6002274~2382064?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=2382064&P=3

this is also very nice, and the color is very pretty

another thing to keep in mind, you can do a halter top dress and go to the special occasion section of nordies and get a wrap to go around your arms. that way the halter top style that would be extremely flattering to your figure shows off what you want it to, and the wrap will camoflage your upper arms. this is also good for warm climates.

[DonnaB 3]

I'm going to throw my 2 cents worth in here:

Buy a foundation garment that offers A LOT of support. Spanx or something similar, and with your figure you should look for one that has a very high - all the way up under your bust - waist. The high waist will help relieve you of waistline rolls. Firm foundations are not as heavy and uncomfortable as old fashioned girdles are and the even pressure they apply to your body helps to reduce the 'lumpies' as I call them. Additionally, they help you to feel more graceful when you move - not so many worries about the 'jigglies' if you know what I mean.

I feel for you, I had to go with my husband to a formal company Christmas party and was in agonies over finding appropriate attire. I'm lucky in that I'm a seamstress and was able to make a dress that fit perfectly - always a bonus - to go with a nice jacket that I found in the fat lady store. I hated every minute of that party but in our picture - yep, one of those parties where they have a portrait station, yuck! - I actually looked OK. I won't say great, but for me, I looked OK - and we all know the camera doesn't lie.

Good luck and hang in there. This is your life, you only get one. Try to deal with the things that make you uncomfortable but don't let them dictate your life. If going to the wedding is too stressful because of weight issues - don't go. I know that sounds contradictory but, honestly, life is too short to make appearances that you will only remember with regret. Your boyfriend loves you, his family will always be his family, and they'll always be there to meet you when you're ready. Your boyfriend wants you to be happy, right? He won't begrudge you the time you need to meet his family in a situation that doesn't make you unhappy.

Wow - that was a lot more than 2 cents worth. Good luck, and make sure we get to see which dress you choose.

[DonnaB 3]

P.S. - FunnyDuddies, can I be your best friend? lol You're always so open and expressive and just plain NICE to people. Thanks. I wish I was more like that.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

ah shucks...