The attention you might recieve

[yecats 109]

I actually have never enjoyed the spotlight on me what so ever.

I would not say I was shy by no means but I feel very uncomfortable being the center of attention in any situation, even if it is postitive.

The closer I am to chosen a date to go to MX I am confronted with this....

What has been running through my mind is something my 1st husband said to me many many years ago, in his own frustration, with me being heavy.

He said, while he was mad "Anytime you start getting anywhere with a diet or losing any weight , as soon as someone notices it , you stop and forget where you were at and gain it all back'.

I do not want that to hinder me. I am so ready to get rid of this weight once and for all! I never really understood what he meant till now. I do not neccessarly agree with him but definitly do not look forward to the ........ "Oh wow, you have lost so much weight" thing .

I believe that is another reason why I choose not to share that I am going to be sleeved with anyone but my (present) wonderful loving sweet supportive husband! lol

Has anyone else experienced this nervousness concerning the new attention?

I

[PhatGurl80 26]

I did a little bit. But, I've learned smile with delight and just day thank you. You'll get over it when you see yourself dropping all those pounds. Good luck on your journey!

[Tiffykins 673]

It's just your personality, and it's something that you'll have to work through as you lose weight. I honestly didn't get anymore attention than I did when I was fat because my personality didn't change. I didn't start wearing revealing clothes, I didn't start acting differently. A lot of what we put out there is what we get back, at least that has been my experience.

But, the self-sabotaging behavior you describe might need to be addressed through some counseling to find the core reason why you set yourself up to hide behind being fat. It's pretty common actually, it keeps people at arm's length, it's keeps you from getting hurt so it might be beneficial for you to work with someone on these behaviors so you can work through as you lose weight.

Best wishes ! ! !

[MegInNOLA 531]

I know how you feel 100%! I have a very people-intensive job as a teacher/musician, and I'm actually a pretty introverted personality. I was extremely self-conscious as a teen and worried I would feel awkward when people commented on my weight loss.

Okay, it is occasionally difficult to know what to say. I have a few standard replies. When someone says, "Wow! You look great!" I say, "Thanks so much! It's been an interesting process! How are you?" or "Yeah, it's getting better! How have you been?" The key to keeping it from getting awkward is the return question, I think. We just move ahead with the conversation and there's not really time for any awkwardness.

Before I was sleeved, I had a long conversation with a friend/colleague who had been sleeved with excellent results. I saw this friend at a professional conference this weekend, and she was SO excited to see my progress. I also had the opportunity to pay it forward for another colleague who wanted to ask specific questions regarding the surgery--again, nothing horribly awkward, because I try to keep it from being "all about me."

It's easier to handle the comments, even when they're positive, if you can say a quick "thank you" and get the conversation moving in other directions. You may also feel a bit different after you've lost some of the weight--I definitely do not feel as self-conscious as I did before--I used to feel I took up all the space in a room and was "in the way." Now I feel like I fit in, and that makes me a lot more likely to be comfortable in conversation or social situations than before.

Good luck! You'll develop your own strategies, and it will all be fine.

[M2G 1,836]

I totally agree with Tiffany on this one...my personality didn't change. It has been more of an evolution that has made my outside match my inside. I notice that a LOT of people want to bring up my weight loss and discuss it and I just am very vague and change the subject. It's my own defense mechanism...I don't want to discuss the intimate details of my medical life with people in a casual way. If it is someone that I really know well and I feel that they are interested in hearing all the details, I will share in a one-on-one kind of setting. Otherwise I thank them for noticing, tell them it's a lot of hard work and change the subject.

I think the fat is an insulator of sorts. People DO treat obese people differently, no matter how hard we try to overcome it. It's always right there in the front (and back and thighs, etc.) for everyone else to see and judge. Not everyone is equally judgemental but there is a lot of philosophy out there that obese individuals are lazy, and incompetent or they just don't care about themselves. I do think there is something to the self-sabotage that needs to be investigated further... Best of luck, you will find your way. :smile: