I am NOT my fat...

[Pagie 64]

This is what I had to tell myself when I saw my reflection in the mirror today. Although I have lost only 19% of my excess body fat, I can definitely see the changes in my body and the way my clothes fit.

It made the sad to think of all the beautiful clothes I will no longer be able to wear in my closet and it made me realize that I'm beginning to "mourn" the loss of this weight in a way that I did not think I would.

After being overweight all of my life, being heavy is the only life I've know, I've let my size define who I am (to some degree that could not be helped, because being overweight does limit your involvment in somethings).

Now I have to look deep down in side and learn who I am. I am not my fat... So how am I?

Anyone else feel this way?

Please share.

[Mellymel 0]

I'm feeling the same way.. I've never been thin.. And in a way I'm freaking out because ive always been shy and quiet to avoid being noticed due to my size.. My clothes fit really loose and I took them in to get them taken in.. Maybe that's something you can do.. But on the bright side I'm happy to know that there are things I can do now.. Like not losing my breathe up the stairs.. Try to stay positive.. That's what is helping me

[blynsay 0]

I have only been really thin once in my life after high school and my first year of college. The time was really stressful as my company was going through a strike and I was walking a picket line a few times a week. Not knowing if you could maintain your standard of living and walking with a picket sign in all types of weather can really slim you down. I looked great, but when we went back to work I gained back every pound and more.

I have come close to that weight and size a few times since, but I always sabatoged the success, because the memory was wrapped up with the experience.

I have never wanted to feel that vulnerable again, and worry about what I may have to deal with to release me from this cacoon of fat I have hid in for so long. i too wonder who I will be.

For the last year or two, I have been the "fat friend", an experience that has been really limiting. Will my current friends and family be comfortable with a smaller me? If they are not, will I really be able to tell them to "kick rocks", like I claim I will?

I don't know.

[Raine 170]

I have never been thin. I have had glimpses but never actually been there. I was the big girl with the pretty face etc etc. Being big always defined me as well. I was big and strong, I was big and beautiful, I was the big sister. I was really just big. Now that I am not big any longer, it is a weird feeling. I convinced myself through out the years that I am who I am and to heck what others think. The thing is, it was what I thought that always got to me not what others thought. As much as I tried to convince myself in the end it was always the same, the fat is what made me sick, unhealthy and even when I put on a happy face, sad. I still have a hard time thinking of myself as "thin". I see the imperfections and still think fat. I am a whole new person now and am still getting to know the new me. I like her Get to know the new you as you go through your journey. Take your time with it and define who you are by what you are on the inside and not what you look like on the outside.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I didn't mourn the loss of being fat, but I mourned the loss of food as my coping mechanism. It's been my crutch most of my life.

I also mourned getting rid of some beautiful clothes - primarily business clothes. To compensate that, I found good homes for them. I found a charity that helps women get back into the job market - gets them "interview" clothes. The organization was in dire need of plus size clothes - so all my best stuff that was appropriate for interviewing / business world went there. The rest of my stuff that was "good" went to a consignement shop. I would let the credit build up, then go spend it on smaller clothes. I am taking my last load there in December. It is the last size I shrank through that is in their size range.

Good luck!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I never allow anything outside of myself define me. The only things that define me are my heart and my mind. I used to... but never anymore.

It was interesting though as the pounds melted away. I think the biggest thing that struck me was the reflection in the mirror. It wasn't what I was used to seeing so it sort of gave me a little identity crisis. I think I'm pretty much over it now. Time I think is the only cure for that.

Now all that said, the clothes issue is so fixable! I've found that I love my wardrobe now far more than I ever did, and seriously, I've always liked dressing nice.

[treequeen 13]

I have Never been thin either.. I am now the smallest size i've been in over 10 years. One of my fears was what will happen...how will I be... I don't know how to be a thin person.....But, I've decided to be an ego maniac... I've had low self-esteem forever and I deserve to spend some time with a big head instead of a big body for awhile. As far as cloths, I hated my entire wardrobe..I never felt designers make flattering, youthful cloths for large women...Now, I can fit in smaller sizes (not all normal sizes yet), I am enjoying the couple things I found that make me feel sexy..I shop on clearance racks and @ thrift/consignment stores and I try to find things that I can easily adapt with a belt or what have you to shrink with me. I took my old cloths to a consignment shop that specializes in big sizes. Ego and Cash! That's what I'm talkin about!

[Pagie 64]

Just had a flashback from reading Raine's post. Loved being the "pretty face" girl in the crowd. lol

[Irish Fan 1]

I think it is strange to go shopping. I went into a store today that I've never been in because nothing fit me so I never ventured in. When I went in I felt like someone might tap me on the shoulder and say that I was in the wrong store. I am kind of at a loss that I don't need to go to Lane Bryant or Christopher Banks for clothes or head upstairs to the women's department. It's like I've been kicked out of the club there too because they'll probably say that I'm in the wrong place there. I put on a size large sweater and shirt the other day and proclaimed it to my husband (who is full of praise) that it was a "regular" large. It opens up alot of options that I have never had before. I have quite a bit to go and I can't imagine what it will be like when I get there. It certainly won't be anything that I am used to.