female only Scared about what he might think

[Mel34 11]

hello ladies,

I don't know if this is the right place to discuss this or if I might need a guys opinion but here goes...

I'm going through the 3 month process/requirements right now and I'm hoping and praying to be sleeved in January. I haven't really told anyone about my surgery except for my immediate family and VERY close friends. They all support me 100%.

The one person I haven't told is the guy I have loved for the past 4 years. He lives in New Mexico and I live in South Texas (I don't know how we do it, but we do). Anyways, we see eachother about 3 times a year and we are waiting for him to get transferred to Texas (hopefully VERY soon). Anywhose, I won't be able to see him until January or February of next year and I know that by then I won't be eating or drinking the same as I use to. I'm afraid to see him right after surgery for several reasons: we are always going out and eating, he loves the fact that i like beer and am very laid back when it comes to food and things like that. That I'm not one of those girls that always has to eat salads becasue they are with a guy. And well, what am I going to do now?

Another thing is the SEX issue. How long after surgery can I have sex?

I don't know if I'm embarrassed to tell him I got the surgery, asshamed that I couldn't keep the weight off and had to resort to this, or God knows what reason I'm afraid of telling him. I know for a fact he isn't going to react negatively or anything like that, but i don't want him to say, "you didn't need the surgery. You're perfect the way you were. etc..." All these things are going through my head and I really don't know what to do.

please? any advice will help.

melissa

Is this normal??

[Rootman 1,101]

Well honesty seems to be the best policy, USUALLY. If you love the guy and want to further your relationship then you are eventually going to have to tell him something, and the scars on your belly are going to be hard to explain otherwise. Be wise, tell him you are concerned for not only your looks but your health as well and needed a tool to help you lose weight. You will be restricted for 6 months or so and then after that you CAN eat a healthy portion of a meal - and by "healthy portion" I mean a CORRECT portion instead of the mounds of food we all ate pre-sleeve. So the dining out won't be an issue for long, besides you also tend to enjoy food MORE and the company and surrounds MORE when not fixated on the food any ways.

About sex, I would advise at least waiting till after you get out of the recovery room Wait till YOU are ready, most sleevers feel pretty crappy for a while and while they may PHYSICALLY be able to do the horizontal mambo they sure don't WANT to do it. So give yourself a few weeks at least and then go slowly, no gymnastic moves or anything like that.

[thinoneday 445]

Honey, in my 50 years of life i have found that the best thing is honesty. Especially to those you love. Yes, you run into the area of him probably saying "you look fine how you are" but that is his opinion. . . YOU have to be fine with the way you are. . . YOU are the one who has to be fine with how you feel and look. . . if there is love, there will be understanding. . . and with love there comes honesty. . . good luck, i'm sure it'll all work out . . . whatever the path you walk, it will lead you the right way. . .

[Mel34 11]

THANKS to both of you for your kind and honest words of advice. I know i have to be honest with him and yes, Rootman, the scars will give it away. I've thought about that. I guess i'm just scared and I have ideas and thought bouncing around everywhere in my head.

I know the love that we share doesn't depend on how him or I look. I'm just scared of how things are going to be afterwards. Is it crazy that I'm afraid of being skinny?

This is the second bigges change in my life that I'm going to have (first one being my daughter) and it's going to take getting use to, but i know that it's all going to work out great in the end. it the curvy and scary road in between that making me doubt myself and maybe even him.

I am going to tell him the truth and be honest with him, I just need to find a way to do it! lol

[MI Girl 0]

I was sleeved in July and know how you feel about being scared about all the changes but the thing to keep in mind is that they are good changes. You aren't just gettting this surgery to get skinny, you are doing it to get healthier and that is what you need to focus on. All the things that you will be able to do that you don't do now because you think you are too fat or will look funny doing because of your weight. I actually felt guilty for a little while in the beginning that I had to have surgery instead of losing it the hard way. That all stopped for me when I realized how "hard" it is to eat and plan and get in all the protien after surgery, it is just as hard as dieting so I let myself off the hook and I am just going with the flow now. I am down 40 lbs now and feeling much better already

I had 2 questions for my doc before surgery, how long before I could ride my Harley again and how long before I could have sex. the answer to both was 3 weeks and I am glad I listened to him and waited as I was kinda sore the first time I tried both of them