surprise response

[quazarfrog 0]

well I got my first negative response... I told my Aunt ( husbands Aunt but we have become close) last week that I was getting this surgery... I saw her this weekend and all she did was walk into my house , look at me and say," you still doing it". I told her that I was indeed still doing it.

Her response to that was to turn around and walk out. I said - so now you're not talking to me? she said ,nope - I looked it up online and I can't believe you're still doing it.

End of story... no longer talking to me.

How did you all handle this sort of rejection?

I seriously need a cyber hug right now.

Darcey

[KellyL 173]

:hug:

Sorry to hear you are getting that kind of response from a family member. She will get over it, when she sees you losing weight and becoming healthier. If and when she talks to you again, you can tell her you are not seeking her approval, just her support. Hopefully she'll come around. But don't let it get to you either way, not everyone agrees on weight loss surgery. But they also don't have to live with the problems and health risks that we do, it's ultimately our decision, and they should respect that. Good luck to you!

[Thomas CPA 496]

I was originally scheduled for the sleeve two years ago but the attitude of my wife caused me to cancel it and as a result I went back to old habits and put the 40 pound I took off in preparation back on.

I just decided to do it because I needed to do it for my long term health.

My wife still hasn't come around but having other women that know us comment on the trimmer me doesn't help. Your aunt may either have the green eye of jealousy. Is she is overweight then she may be worried you will lose and she won't. If she is not overweight and you two do a lot of things together she may not like the idea that you will get attention as people around you will notice the change.

Just remember, You are doing it for you, not her. If she comes around great, if not she will most likely talk to you again when she gets over it.

So big cyber hug. You are taking control of your life.

[itscometothis 12]

Here comes a big hug.. and it's a squishy one! I told a friend of mine who is VERY overweight and her response was.." I am going to join weight watchers and do it the right way. I wouldn't ever do that to my body." I was standing there thinking the following.. 1. Why did I tell her? 2. She appears jealous and jealous people gossip and I didn't want people knowing.. crap. 3. What is she talking about never doing THAT to her body... she already did THAT and more by eating like she was having her last meal on death row for the past 39 years. Which isn't a judgement call.. I did the same.

The thing is.. we can't control other people's reactions and if they react in a bad way then they need to figure it out. I had hoped telling my friend would make us closer in a weird way.. but I can safely predict that this isn't going to go over well.

Hold your head up high and be proud

[Tammieruth 0]

* Big Hugs*

My Mom stopped calling me a week before surgery - She was scared. It was the fear that I wouldn't make it. As stated above she will come around when she see's the positive changes!!! I would how ever tell her she needs to apologize!!

We are all here for you!!! Its a step in the right direction!!!!!!

[courtines 6]

There are always going to be a few people who don't agree with your choices, but ultimately they are your choices. You know that you are doing the best thing that you can for your body and that you are taking control of your situation. She will probably come around eventually. My mother in law has been really weird about it, not really wanting to even acknowledge my surgery, but since I have had it done she has been a lot more open. She is willing to talk about it some. My husband told me that she was just worried for me and afraid of what would happen to our daughter if something were to happen to me. The truth of it all is that something would have inevitably happened to me if I hadn't made a change, it was only a matter of time. I was willing to take the very small risk vs the much larger risk of dying of heart disease or diabetes 5-10 years down the road. I think that people who have negative things to say fall into three categories: 1. People who love you and are worried about you, 2. People who are entirely ignorant of the consequences of ongoing obesity and 3. A mixture of these two things.

Do what you know is right and let the bad stuff roll off your back. She will either come around or she won't. It will all be okay either way.

::Hugs::

[Sweetybabs 13]

Ok..here is my two cents worth on this topic!

First and foremost LOVE is unconditional! If someone LOVES you...then they are entitled to voice their concerns, but support your decision, afterall it is YOUR decision!

Second.. I have learned over the years with my grown children and other adult family members...that I don't have to like what they do..but I respect their privacy and LOVE them all the same! We can't control what other think or say...but our unconditional LOVE in return will warm the cold hearts...and in the end all will be forgiven.

I am having my surgery on Nov. 2nd...and I am very blessed to have 100% support from everyone..friends and family! I can't imagine people having to hide their WLS because they fear rejection from friends and family. My heart goes out to each of them.

This is a time when we need LOVE and SUPPORT...now more than ever! The good news is... HERE we are ALL family! We are there when no one else is! Hold your head up high... and do what you KNOW will make YOU happy...and healthy!

God bless you....

[Raine 170]

It took me all the way up to surgery to get the support of one of my friends. Keep in mind she was never over weight and doesn't understand what we go through. I am not one for visitors in the hospital, so I told everyone that was even thinking of coming to see me other than my husband and my son that I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't see her till 2 or 3 weeks after surgery and she gave me a gift, a vest that I have been drooling over that she wears in a size 10. She put the receipt in and said she knows that I will get smaller than that and if I wanted to, to get a smaller one. It took her till after the surgery and I was out of the woods to come around. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) there's your hug, we all need one ever so often. Your aunt will come around, just giver her time.

[quazarfrog 0]

Thank you all so much for giving me the shoulder I needed to lean on today. My Aunt is usually the one that is on my side when others aren't and that is why I was so surprised by her reaction. I have since talked to her and she still doesn't want me to do the surgery so the next 3 weeks will be hard on us..... But once allis said and done - I think she will be happy for me.

I'm getting nervous but excited for this new phase in my life.

Thanks again.

D

[GetInMyBelly 80]

I understand how u feel. I only told my parents and doctors and unfortunately now I'm 100% on my own because my parents are not talking to me. At all. At least I have my dog. I'm still going to do the surgery. Stay strong :0) hugs*

[kemo46 82]

I know you have read this many times but remember, this is for YOU and Your health. Most of the friends and family out there have no idea of what you have been and are going through. My wife was dead set against the surgery, I had to get her on the forums and get her educated on the surgery. Once she weighed out the risks with my health issues that was starting to arise ( diabetes), and the benefits of the surgery, she was my best supporter. As you can see from my ticker below, I am a different person and a much healthy one as well. I say the surgery saved my life. Read my blog ( listed below), it is my journey from beginning to the present, this might help your Aunt see the benefits. My before and after blood numbers are listed in the blog. Good luck to you but remember, it is for you.

[yecats 109]

I know that is an awful experience. I wish you the best.

[emily_0192010 168]

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I honestly can't say how to deal with that type of rejection because I have been lucky enough to not have to deal with it myself. However I have some ideas. She said that she looked it up online? I have a feeling she saw some of the old by-pass horror stories and doesn't know the truth about the sleeve. I have a feeling that she thinks you are doing something way more drastic and that you are putting your life at risk. As nasty as her behaviour is, she doesn't want to see you destroy your life so she is distancing herself thinking that either you will change your mind or that she won't be so emotionally attached when you suffer the consequences.

My idea is to write her a letter. Say that you want to explain the sleeve to her and how it is a very safe operation and it is the least drastic of the weigh loss options. How you are doing it for your health, etc. I would also point out that you want her support but that you aren't asking for her permission or approval.

That way you have the peace of mind that you reached out one more time and hopefully she will realize her mistake. If she doesn't, it will still hurt. BUT it isn't your responsibility to make her understand or change her mind.

Good luck and keep your chin up!

[Becca 108]

I had some negative feedback right before my surgery and it hurts. Especially when it is from family. Just remember, this is about YOU and not them. This is your time to get well. You deserve this chance! The sleeve is amazing. It will change you life in so many wonderful ways. We are here for you. We are the only ones who understand because we have been where you are. I remember having days when I was so scared of the surgery. I am so happy I went through with it though. I can't imagine my life without my sleeve. Just know we are here for you! You are making the right choice. Everyone will come around when they see the success of the sleeve. Think positive! You can do this!

[favoredone 590]

I've gotten some negative feedback (from a friend and one of my sisters)... this was my response...

"I'm not seeking validation, agreement or permission... This is very important to me and a tool that I'm using to help win the battle with my obesity... If I loved someone, I'd much rather see them using everything at their disposal to improve their quality of life, regardless of how I feel about the tool that they are using... Most importantly, I told you because I value our relationship and thought that I could count on you for support... i've made my decision and if you want to share in my journey to wholeness and wellness GREAT, if not, that's your choice..."