how do I deal with my stuffed down anger, fear, anxiety and sadness once food is taken away?

[bethk12@gmail.com 0]

Hi All,

So I am writing this as I am eating cookie dough and 3 weeks until my surgery. So my therapist is concerned about my self-destructiveness- how will manage after the surgery? how will handle my addictive behaviors? how will my feelings that I stuff down with food emerge and what will that look like? I am scared to death...Is their any post-op's that can shed light here?

[GetInMyBelly 80]

Ooh good question

[jillw8 22]

I was the same way. Ate a chili dog and fries the day before surgery. I was scared. I am now 6 weeks postop and I have to say I am enamored with what the surgery does. The hunger is just not there which is the first helpful thing. Secondly, for me I want to work on changing my habits and the surgery is a HUGE motivator that is a gift. I have taken the surgery as an obligation to my health ad follow the guidelines they give you. Eating only 3 times per day has so eliminated a lot of desire. I know it will probably return but I am working mentally now. I hope you have te same experience because it has been easier than I thought! Good luck!

[Heidilacy 0]

I was the same way. Ate a chili dog and fries the day before surgery. I was scared. I am now 6 weeks postop and I have to say I am enamored with what the surgery does. The hunger is just not there which is the first helpful thing. Secondly, for me I want to work on changing my habits and the surgery is a HUGE motivator that is a gift. I have taken the surgery as an obligation to my health ad follow the guidelines they give you. Eating only 3 times per day has so eliminated a lot of desire. I know it will probably return but I am working mentally now. I hope you have te same experience because it has been easier than I thought! Good luck!

Love your point of view and its so helpful I to am trying to go about it this way and I am glad to see someone else who has already been sleeved post the same theroy i have in my head and it gives me hope and more inspiration to get more excited about my 11/30 surgery date

[Golden 10]

I had the same concerns for myself, which is why I started seeing a therapist weekly about 5 months before surgery. I was self pay so didn't have any of the psych requirements with an insurance program, but I wanted to do it anyway because I knew I needed to. I've read some people saying that they were just big portion eaters and sucked at dieting, etc. but didn't consider themselves "emotional" eaters. I don't know how much I agree with that...okay, maybe food wasn't their big "coping mechanism" and that's fine. But I don't think anyone becomes morbidly obese just because of Portion Control. There is a streak of self-destruction in letting yourself go, not caring about what you do to your health. However, I can recognize that there are different degrees of that and it's a much bigger emotional issue for some than others. It sounds like you are one of those people, as am I!

I have had surges of feelings for sure - I have cried about things that I haven't thought about in a long time. Five years ago, my family fell apart and I'm sure I never really dealt with it because it was easier to squash those feelings. I have had times where it feels awful and raw to feel all those things, but you just have to get through the day. Once you feel the feelings, they become easier to deal with and not so scary. I've also had times where it feels really good and therapeutic to feel the feelings - like, this hurts like hell but at least I am alive again! I was very scared about what would happen when I couldn't eat. It hasn't been sunshine and roses, but it also has not been unmanageable. It's been a chance to get to know myself again and a chance to change for the better, which is what this process is all about! You will do fine, especially since you are working with someone.

As for eating bad stuff pre-op... I was supposed to go on a 14 day liquid diet. I only did 11.5 days. I was panicking a bit that I wasn't following the plan, especially because I was going to Mexico for surgery and terrified that there would be a complication so I wanted to do everything perfectly. But I had a hard time letting go. From the other side, all I can tell you is the fear is not necessary. It's not "goodbye" forever, you will be back to eating your favorites before you know it, or better yet, you won't even want them. Either way, it's not really a struggle, so just try to put that mentality out of your mind. One thing you don't want to do is mess with complications - better to be safe than sorry!

[dramagirl28 22]

Your therapist wants to empower you to think about these things and come up with a plan, not scare you away from the surgery. So I would urge you to think about. How WILL you cope with your feelings? I got a little depressed right after surgery because I was a big comfort eater. I liked to eat to make myself feel better, and also used food to Celebrate. I simply can't do that anymore. It's hard to retrain yourself after so many years of that behavior, but if you stay positive and maintain a "can-do" attitude, you will find a way. If you think that you can't deal with your feelings, then you won't. It's all up to you.

[tntransplant06 20]

Can relate to all posts above. I'm 8 mos out and still, on occasion, get upset when I can't eat to comfort myself. BUT, let me say, it's not like throw dishes, kick the wall, swear your head off kind of upset. It's kinda like a little "awww" in my head with a little feeling of regret. It only lasts like 5 seconds. I have been able to move on pretty well. I'm amazed. I was very worried about this before surgery. I can't say the self-destructive part has completely gone away. If I can't eat the food, I may eat a piece of candy. Or I may go and buy something on a credit card that I don't need. It's very weird and I don't completely understand why I have to have this state of despair feeling to feel right. If I'm not eating to worry about my health, I'm spending to worry about my financial state. I hate worrying about those two things, yet I continue to keep them right there in the front of my mind. It's like controlling the uncontrollable that is controllable. Never ending cycle.

[minniekitty 44]

Before surgery, I would comfort eat all the time. I ate to distract, numb, and make myself happy. I guess on some level I was aware of it before surgery, but it didn't really hit me until I couldn't eat anymore. My binge eating wasn't that bad, but eating did make me happy.

The first month was torture for me post-op. I dealt with some depression as I mourned food. I cried several times because I could only take liquids and I hated it. I knew about the post-op diet, but the reality of how hard it would be didn't hit me until I had to actually do it.

Now I'm 2 months post-op and I feel a million times better. The liquid diet and the post-op depression was difficult for me. I still miss eating to comfort myself, but I am trying to find other things to make myself happy. I haven't been in therapy for over a year, but I would like to go back in case I relapse.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.