Starting to date

[dramagirl28 22]

I'm almost six weeks post-op and starting to date. I've been pretty open about my surgery at work and with friends and family, but I don't know what to say or when to say it to a brand new date. Getting into weight issues seems a bit heavy for a first date, but on the other hand, I've got to say SOMETHING about why I'm eating so little and why I can't go to happy hour. I am a very social drinker and intend to go back to drinking socially when it's safe for me to do so, so I don't want to say "I don't drink" because that's not who I am. I also don't want to start out with a lie. Any advice or suggestions?

[emmas mom 4]

I can understand, my friends are all about eating and drinking! I tell people I am the designated driver and I eat a few bites and wrap the rest or I share an appetizer with a friend, if your in a group setting, people dont usually pay much attention to what your eating unless they know you had the surgery, then people watch you more closely, I have noticed in my own experience. If your on a one on one date, I wouldnt mention it right away, maybe suggest a movie or bowling, somthing that isnt surrounded by food. Leave the surgery topic for when you get more serious. If he asks why your not eating alot, say your full or not hungry, its being honest, just not telling him why. Thats my opinion. I am a very shy person and only a few friends and family know. My family have big mouths and told my aunt, cousins, ex fiance etc., but, I prefer to keep it between me and a couple of people. I feel like, if the weight comes off really slow or not at all, I wont be judged by everyone. I have always been self concious about my weight and dont like being the center of attention, thats why I keep it low key. I hope my reply helps. Good luck!

[ILKrista 36]

I've told just about every person who's asked about my weightloss about the surgery. However, I also recently started dating & I'm not bringing it up on first dates. I think that when you hit the 4-5 date stage it might be something to mention, but it is pretty heavy for a first date. As for the eating, I've found that a lot of times if you do a dinner date, you are talking a lot, so it is easy to eat really slowly & move the food around on the plate. If they comment on how little you eat, just tell them that you do 6 small meals a day, so they all have to be a lot smaller. It's true & it isn't getting in to why. You could also suggest a first date that wouldn't involve food... go bowling, mini-golf, the zoo, etc. Good luck!

Krista

[mjs6172 2]

I usually just tell people I've had surgery recently and have to wait a while to drink.....and that I'm still healing so a lot of foods still bother me. If they ask what, I usually use the very vague "female stuff" .....most people don't ask many more questions than that. It isn't that I mind sharing, I just don't want to share details with people I don't know. For me, that's just me in general...I'm fairly private overall anyway until I get to know people.

[ouroborous 519]

I'm almost six weeks post-op and starting to date. I've been pretty open about my surgery at work and with friends and family, but I don't know what to say or when to say it to a brand new date. Getting into weight issues seems a bit heavy for a first date, but on the other hand, I've got to say SOMETHING about why I'm eating so little and why I can't go to happy hour. I am a very social drinker and intend to go back to drinking socially when it's safe for me to do so, so I don't want to say "I don't drink" because that's not who I am. I also don't want to start out with a lie. Any advice or suggestions?

You really don't need to tell them anything on a first date; the odds are that nobody will ask. If they ask why you're not eating much, just say "I get full quickly" (the truth). If they ask why you're not drinking, well... why are they asking that? Honestly, if someone pushes you to drink, that's a bad sign; just order a glass of Water.

If you choose to volunteer the info, that's up to you, but frankly you don't OWE them any information. There are PLENTY of other things to talk about!

[dramagirl28 22]

All really great ideas! I guess I just got flummoxed because a guy just recently asked me out on a first date specifically to go to happy hour and I didn't know what to say. I said something vague like "I'd love to get together" and then later suggested we check out a coffee shop that one of my friends keeps talking about. He agreed and didn't ask any questions.