Advice please: explaining post-op down time to my kids

k__ · September 28, 2011

Hi all:

I'm a single mom of boy/girl twins, age 8-1/2 (in 3rd grade). I'm 6 days post-op now, and realizing I'm just not up to snuff yet to do all the running around with my kids that I thought I'd be able to do. :unsure:

Today, for instance, they have a short day at school and right now are at the local after-care program which ends at 6pm. This morning I was feeling okay and told them I'd pick them up at 4pm and go shopping for a few items I'd promised them.

Since then, I've had some nausea and am feeling tired and sleepy and know I'm not going to be up to what I promised. Can anyone help me with some general ideas of what to tell them? I don't know how long I'll be in this recovery phase and not know what my capabilities will really be throughout the day. I hate going back on what I've said I'd do, but I don't think it's a very good idea to push myself physically right now. Not to mention, the general challenge of day-to-day care. Oh, maybe should I mention that I was an very much older first time parent? I was 46 when the twins were born, and they're my only children.

I love the support all of you give here. It makes all the difference.

Karen

longer-life · September 29, 2011

I have a 9 year old and I would tell her that I made a mistake by promising something so soon after surgery. I would reassure her by telling her I am ok, but that it will take weeks, not days to feel better. I would say sorry for not keeping my promise, that I will do it as soon as possible and that I hope she understands.

Disappointments and change of plans are part of life. Please do not over exert yourself out of guilt. Take your time. It will show them compassion and patience. That is my opinion, of course. Parenting styles vary greatly.

JenGator · September 29, 2011

I have a 9 year old and I would tell her that I made a mistake by promising something so soon after surgery. I would reassure her by telling her I am ok, but that it will take weeks, not days to feel better. I would say sorry for not keeping my promise, that I will do it as soon as possible and that I hope she understands.

Disappointments and change of plans are part of life. Please do not over exert yourself out of guilt. Take your time. It will show them compassion and patience. That is my opinion, of course. Parenting styles vary greatly.

Great advice!

I have a 3rd grader too (and a 7th grader) and I explained everything to them in detail. They were VERY understanding and supportive. Now we are 5 weeks out and they are saying things like, "Mom it's so great that you have so much more energy!"

I am sure they will understand, and in a month or two you'll all be totally back in the swing of things. :-)

Good Luck!

Jen

wareagle40 · September 29, 2011

They are kids... Don't worry about what they think just make sure they understand nothing serious is happening to you. I did not go into detail with my child because I didn't want him blurting it out somewhere but that is totally your choice. They will be disappointed but it will not be the only time in their lives. I promise they will not remember that you did not take them shopping once. Just tell them your not up to it today and you will do it when you are and leave it at that. I am not one that answers to my children so I might sound a little mean but in the scheme of their lives this is not a big deal. If you push yourself to do things you are not ready to do that could end up a big deal in their lives. Not to scare you but you need to thing about the long term of raising them to adulthood and being around to do it. So take care of yourself first. If they are anything like my kids they will get plenty later. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

Lisa the loser · September 29, 2011

I just told my kids I had my gallbladder out and a hernia repair, LOL I didnt lie had that done too so they knew I would have been out of it for a while.

Shoppingbeemom · September 29, 2011

I told my children it's their turn to help mom. They are all proud to help me and I praise their efforts. It's a good time to train them on how families stick together. Best Wishes

DebSee · September 30, 2011

I told my children it's their turn to help mom. They are all proud to help me and I praise their efforts. It's a good time to train them on how families stick together. Best Wishes

Beautifully said, and we've taken the same approach.

My daughter is 8 and has some special needs. We explained that Mum was getting her tummy fixed because it wasn't working properly. We brought her to the hospital for admission so she could see me in my room and picture me sleeping there for a couple days.

For a kid who doesn't deal well with changes to routine, she's done amazingly well. What she loves best of all is being my "Special Helper!" Plenty of positive reinforcement and she's proud of her contribution to the family.