Post-Op Tips For Your Spouse/Significant Other

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

I was discussing my surgery with my awesomely supportive hubby this morning, and he asked me to give him a list of things that we will need to do, know, or have after I'm sleeved on October 18th. He understands that I wont be eating much and will only be having liquids right after surgery but he wants to hear first hand from someone who's lived it.

Any tips and pointers for him you could give are greatly appreciated! I'll be showing him this thread later on tonight, hopefully there will be some great suggestions and info for him to have so that my post op days go by nice and smooth!

[LindaS 316]

When I came out of the surgery room, my husband said I looked like death warmed over. He actually said I looked a lot like his dad did the year before after his dad had heart valve replacement surgery except I didn't have the hoses coming out of me. He was not prepared for me to look like that even though I told him the day of surgery would be the worst. I also kept having my blood pressure and heart beat drop very low, and he was getting worried. It isn't unusual, and I was fine. He started worrying if I was going to make it. I did.

When I came home, I worried that cooking was going to be difficult for me. He volunteered to do the cooking for me. I appreciated it but for reasons other than I expected. I thought I wouldn't want to cook food I wouldn't be eating. Actually, I was still tired and recovering from surgery, so it was nice to not have to cook too. I do cook now though.

The biggest adjustment for me was the weight restrictions. I couldn't believe the things I couldn't lift. It meant I had to take people with me to go shopping for groceries (dog food and a case of Water was too heavy).

My family told me they felt guilty eating in front of me. I told them not to. I wasn't hungry and didn't want what they were eating anyway. I do like to eat with my family even if all I am eating is a liquid lunch (that term has new meaning since this surgery!).

[kemo46 82]

It sounds like your husband is very supportive. You need to get him on the forums, have him read mine and other blogs as well ( mine is in my signature). This will give him actual accounts of the process. Feel free to have him PM me with any direct questions he would like answered as well, I went through this with my wife so I know what he is going through. I had my surgery in May. Good luck.

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

How awesome!

Make sure (if possible) he goes with you to dr. appts, my husband went to my PATS with me and actually got to speak with the nutritionist and it really helped him understand the foods that I would be eating after surgery and how important protien is, etc... He attended 2 meetings with the NUT with me and 2 visits with my doc prior to surgery.

I was very, very grateful that he was able to go (I scheduled the visits on his day off),,

My husband is so supportive and has changed his eating habits that he has lost 38 pounds since my surgery!!! LOL!!!

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

My hubby is awesome and supportive, however, he's the type that just likes the "meat". He did attend my info session and was at ease when he heard what the procedure entails and asked a few questions of his own.

He's awesome, but definitely does not have the patience to read through the forum and all it's posts, hence the reason I asked for the vets to give me a few pointers that I could share with him on this thread. I'm gathering from the posts above that he should prepare to be very attentive and ready to take on most of the household stuff, which we already figured. I didnt think about the weight restriction thing, I'm gonna have to explain that to my little one when he wants me to pick him up.

Did anyone have mood swings? How soon did you get back to your normal sex life? I'm sure these are the kinds of things hubby would like to know....

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

Thanks Kemo! It would be awesome if your wife blogged about goin through the experience with you...kinda get the experience through the spouses eyes...

It sounds like your husband is very supportive. You need to get him on the forums, have him read mine and other blogs as well ( mine is in my signature). This will give him actual accounts of the process. Feel free to have him PM me with any direct questions he would like answered as well, I went through this with my wife so I know what he is going through. I had my surgery in May. Good luck.

[RickM 1,747]

I second kemo's suggestion of becoming familiar with the boards here, and also the surgeon's program. I went thru this with my wife when she had her DS a few years ago. Going to the support groups and doctors appointments are a big part of it, too. My wife and I both needed the help, so we were both going thru all of the pre-op business together for that reason (though her health issues made her the lead patient.) Helping to keep track of instructions and advice that may be indiviidual and not in the program books is helpful (although, for some reason, my wife didn't have any problem remembering that the surgeon 'prescribed' filet mignon when she was having problems digesting ground beef - strange how selective our memories can be!)

Obviously, any physical help that you may need is essential - that's a variable thing on the amount and type needed depending on individual circumstances. She gives me a lot of credit in helping with her dietary requirements post-op. I was already doing much of the cooking, but ignoring that, helping with the serving would be a big help - I would serve up the appropriate amount for her, she would say 'that's not nearly enough!" "That's three ounces, that's all you can fit in." Afterward it was, "you're right, I couldn't/shouldn't eat any more than that...." Hint - get a digital food scale for weighing things if you don't already have one. It also helped that she didn't have nearly as much to do when I went through it this year since I was already well up on the learning curve on these things, though she does get dragged to the support group meetings (it's good for her, as a long term post-op!)

Good luck with your journey, and it's much better when taken together!

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

Rick, I can so visualize that scenario in my house! My hubby is definitely gonna have to play portion police with me too!

And what is her surgeon's name? Any doc that prescribes filet mignon is alright with me!

Thanks for the tip about the scale and the portions. I've already told him that its time to purchase some smaller plates and utensils, but I can see how the scale will be beneficial to me in this process.

[nraeh 23]

We have found when we go out to eat that ordering just one meal is plenty for the two of us. He has plenty to eat and so do I. Sometimes I just order a couple of items from the side order menu and that is perfect for me. At home, I was so used to cooking for 4 even when there is just two of us so that has been an adjustment for me to try and limit what I am fixing otherwise we eat leftovers for days and days and days. The other day he noticed that I finish eating at the same time he does now. I used to still be eating long after he was finished. He has a regular size plate and I use a small plate. I still fix balanced meals just as I always have but I take a much smaller portion for myself. As for health issues or complications - I have had none so that hasn't even been a worry on his part. I came home from the hospital and never missed a beat. I started fixing meals for him just like I always have the day after I came home. So basically, he has had no adjustments to deal with. However, the grocery bills and the dining out bills are certainly a lot smaller. We do eat at home a lot more now too. I guess because I have more energy to fix good meals. The only other thing I have noticed is that all of a sudden my husband has become VERY aware of the clothes that I am wearing. If he thinks something is too big he wants me to change and put that into a box to donate. He has never been that conscious of the clothes that I was wearing before. Now, each month on the anniversary date of my surgery he wants me to go through my closet and purge items that are now too big. All in all having the sleeve was one of the wisest decisions I have ever made in my life. My only wish is that I could have had it many years ago instead of waiting until I am 63 years old to have the sleeve. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I would have stepped up to the issue long ago. I believe everything happens for a purpose and in God's timing so I thank God every day for this surgery and my quality of life.

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

Thanks for sharing nraeh! Your post just made me all warm on the inside. Sounds like your surgery has brought you and your hubby close together too! My poor hubby is dreading the shopping that is going to take place once the pounds begin to drop!

[LindaS 316]

I haven't had mood swings. If anything, I am happier than I was before the surgery (my husband even says so). However, I didn't/don't have a close relationship with food. I don't get a lot of enjoyment eating/cooking. I gained weight because I was on the road a lot and didn't make good food choices. I think it would be different for someone who really enjoys food pre-surgery.

After surgery, I had a drain for a week. It was gross, and I hated it. This was the only thing that impacted my sex life that first week.

[Caliblonde 25]

My biggest advice would be get some small plates and small bowls. My mom bought me some really pretty ones to eat off of and I use them daily. My husband is totally the food police with me. He constantly asks what I can eat and if I'm getting enough or if he notices that I put too much on my plate he'll ask if I'm sure I can eat that much. It used to make me so mad when he would police me before surgery, now it doesn't bother me at all because he's usually right. My husband does most of the cooking now which has been so helpful for me. In the beginning he did all the heavy lifting because I couldn't. He also did all the shopping and was very diligent about making sure I had things that I could eat. Overall, he's been my biggest cheerleader.