To tell or not to tell...

[peacequeen 434]

It's a never ending debate on here as to whether one should tell anyone about having surgery. I was against it. So I went out on a limb today and told 2 of my sisters. They just seemed surprised by saying REALLY???? And one said "well you've lost alot of weight before", how did you do that, can't you do it again? What to say...I really wish i had said nothing. The conversation shifted and I became uncomfortable and would have liked to have defended myself but felt it would be a hopeless attempt. I feel kind of alone, I want to share my decision, I'm not sure why it matters to me at this point. I got the response I thought I would. It wasn't support it was questioning my decision. I'm the youngest of 8 kids..yes, the baby. Although I'm questioned alot about choices I make, I still thought I'd get something positive but nope.

[iegal 460]

AAwww. I am so sorry to hear your experience. You opened your self up with honesty and were questioned.

Well, I am your sleeve sister and I say you did the right thing. Let's Celebrate your choice to be healthy and change your eating patterns with restriction. You are are the road to losing your weight forever. No more yo yo diets. WLS is not always an easy road as others percieve, I will always grapple with my weight issues and need to make decent choices not only to keep at a decent goal weight but to also be healthy.

Hugs for you Peacequeen.

[courtines 6]

I had an acquaintance pretty much accuse me of taking the easy way out. I just told her that I wouldn't have someone remove the majority of my stomach just because I was lazy. This person wasn't coming from a place of caring about me, but I am SURE that your sisters are. It may take a while for them to come around, but they will, especially when they see how happy you are once the weight starts melting off. You still have to do the work and it isn't like surgery just removes the excess weight while you are sleeping.

I have struggled with telling people and ultimately have pretty much told everyone I know. My knowledge of other people's surgeries helped me make the decision to have mine, especially when I saw results firsthand. I tell people, because I hope that I can be that kind of inspiration to others. The haters can suck it.

[rubyspring 1]

Really tough when those you love question you. I haven't told very many people but , when I get similar questions, always emphasis that I've had life long experience and success with dieting and losing weight. Some just don't seem to understand my REAL problem, keeping it off. If dieting worked for me, why am I fat again? And, yo-yoing is really, really bad for you. So I chose the sleeve as the way to HELP keep it off. I still have to eat less and exercise, same as any one else who embarks on weight lose, but the sleeve quickly reminds me when I try to eat too much. Even the sleeve is not a magic bullet. I still have to learn a new way of eating. It will let me eat a quart of ice cream in a sitting just like before the surgery, but it makes the goal of losing and keeping weight off more in the front of my brain. Mindfulness! Be patient and keep trying to educate you sisters, they'll begin to understand when they see how happy you become with the results.

[GreenEyedMamma 5]

I think the only reason I didn't get any flack about my surgery when I told friends and family is because of the way I told them. I was pretty firm and didn't leave room for questions or comments. It was more like "I made a decision, this is what is going to make my life more sustainable for me and my family and no one is going to change my mind about it. I was VERY open from the beginning. I think if I had approached it in a delicate way they would have thought i was second guessing myself.

I am sorry you are having to deal with the negativity. Good luck in your journey. Stay strong!!!

[LVbigmom 19]

I love it when people feel that weight loss surgery is an easy way out for an obese person. Starts with the preop diet of Protein Drinks, etc. Then the surgery where 80% or so of stomach is removed, then the recovery, and then more liquid diet, the pureed, mushie, soft, etc diet. I think some people do not think that we have to watch what we eat. The decision to have surgery is a life long commitment. This is no easy way out, but I am glad that I chose this route. Without it, I probably wouldn't have lived as long as I would like to. At least not very healthy.

[5McK 10]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are second guessing your decision to open up. I'm sure that it was just a shock and that they will support you 100% in the end! Keep your chin up!!!

I have been careful in who I have disclosed my upcoming surgery to due to my fear of the same response. I don't need anymore stress than what I currently have.

Sending positive, SKINNY thoughts your way!!

[CT Fats 82]

I think we you do tell, you open yourself up to doubters and questioners. It is a natural human reaction when people don't need/understand WLS. I think their reaction was in the realm of normal and it will take some time for them to understand your decision. If these are your loved ones you can hold out hope that they will become supportive.

[SmokyMtnGal2011 10]

don't you love families!!! I was terrified to tell my Mom as she has been so negative in the past about my "crazy ideas". Surprisingly, after we talked and I told her all that would be happening and the liquid pre-op, purees and mushies, she has been very supportive and is even coming to TN for my surgery. I was thrilled. Give your sisters knowledge of all you will be facing and I am sure you will get the support you deserve and need. In the meantime, lots of support angels coming your way and know WE are here for YOU!!!! Do you have a surgery date yet??? Let's be Octie Sleevers together!!!

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

It's a never ending debate on here as to whether one should tell anyone about having surgery. I was against it. So I went out on a limb today and told 2 of my sisters. They just seemed surprised by saying REALLY???? And one said "well you've lost alot of weight before", how did you do that, can't you do it again? What to say...I really wish i had said nothing. The conversation shifted and I became uncomfortable and would have liked to have defended myself but felt it would be a hopeless attempt. I feel kind of alone, I want to share my decision, I'm not sure why it matters to me at this point. I got the response I thought I would. It wasn't support it was questioning my decision. I'm the youngest of 8 kids..yes, the baby. Although I'm questioned alot about choices I make, I still thought I'd get something positive but nope.

Totally understand, same happened to me with my sister, my mother. I swore I would never tell anyone else. After about 3 weeks,,, I had a weak moment and told my best friend... she reacted worse than anyone, saying such hurtful things like all I needed to do was excercise.. wow... anyway, I have told maybe 4-5 other people and now, almost 9 months out all I can say is I truly, truly in my heart wished I would have kept my big mouth shut and not told anyone. It is not so much now about the negativitiy... it is my friends or the 2 co-workers I told.. they feel this was the easy way out, and do not give me any credit for actually losing weight, eating healthy and excersising... they just have me labeled as "oh,she had surgery to lose her weight".... WLS helps, but you still have to put forth a great deal of effort. It is hurtful when people label you -- I so regret telling anyone my personal business.

So... if I could offer you any advise, remember how you feel right now, cause it will be like that as you drop pounds, the attitude of certain people do not change... especially the ones that think it is so easy to just have WLS and all is fixed!

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

Sorry things went as you expected, I'm the "hopeful" type as well.

The good news is that it's out there. You dont have to disguise or hide your new lifestyle, and eventually they'll get over it once they see the change in you physically as well as mentally.

Stop second guessing yourself. Just because you're the baby of the family (me too!) doesnt mean you arent capable of knowing what's best for you.

This is your time to be selfish. Have your surgery and recover without care or concern for what people think. Doing that will just hinder your healing and make it harder for you to concentrate on what you need to do to lose your weight and become accustomed to your new life!

I wish you all the best! (((((hugs))))

[MissBliss 29]

My husband and I were talking about this last night.....I told EVERYONE!!!! I would shout it from the rooftops if I could. This has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. I don't want to hide it, I want to Celebrate it. I don't offer information unless someone asks, and boy, do they ask, from the waitresses who are perplexed by my ordering, my family and friends that watch me eat tiny portions and little bites, to the friends who haven't seen me in a while and notice the change. I am so proud of myself for doing what I did. Was it the easy way out, yeah maybe it was, I have never had weight come off me so quickly. Sure the preop was a pain and the recovery was a little complicated, but I am almost 2 months out and it is easy. I have no hunger and can only eat a little at a time. I, too, came upon some resistance from immediate family when I told them my plans, but what the heck, this is about me, not them! So Celebrate your sleeve and be proud of your accomplishments!

[SittingPretty 16]

I'm sorry to hear your sisters were not as supportive as you needed.

That being said....My hubby is the second youngest in a a family of 7. I will never forget the first time I met his siblings. One of them actually told me,"Oh, you don't ask him if he can be/do something, you just TELL him".

[christin 54]

I told my teenage daughter. I don't think I could have gotten around that. She was very supportive and that surprised me. I don't plan on telling anyone else initially. I may feel like opening up about it later, but I guess I am just a private person.

Sorry your sisters disappointed you. I bet they will come around once they know you are ok and happy!

[longer-life 139]

They just seemed surprised by saying REALLY???? And one said "well you've lost alot of weight before", how did you do that, can't you do it again? .

To me these are perfectly normal questions. Since most people know very little about WLS, these are the kinds of questions I expect to be asked.

In my opinion, this surgery is a courageous & drastic move on our part. Most continue on the diet/exercise merry-go-round for life, so I expect people to ask me why I don't continue going round and round like they do.