Anyone having problems with old obese friends?

[lsereno 2,525]

For people you cannot get away from easily (family, co-workers, etc.) who continue to make comments after you've said something, I would be very direct and say "When you say something like that, it makes me feel bad. Please don't do that." Follow that with disengaging from conversation with them by walking away or, if you can't walk away, turning away and busying yourself with anything else. Stick with that every time they do it. Don't rise to the bait or engage them at their own level.

Of course, we can always come here to rant and rave about them! You'll find my personal rant in the Rants and Raves section here: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/23101-you-weigh-less-than-me-and-you-better-not-weigh-less-than-me/

Lynda

[treequeen 13]

I haven't gone back to work yet, so hopefully it won't be too bad...course stopping by there to check in with payroll, i've been call slim and skinny...I still have like 100#s to lose so ..................annoying. My biggest problem is my sister..she has always been smaller..and though I'm glad my surgery has been incentive for her to lose weight, it's all a competition to her and I KNOW all hell will break loose the minute I weigh less than her.

[Disney 20]

For people you cannot get away from easily (family, co-workers, etc.) who continue to make comments after you've said something, I would be very direct and say "When you say something like that, it makes me feel bad. Please don't do that." Follow that with disengaging from conversation with them by walking away or, if you can't walk away, turning away and busying yourself with anything else. Stick with that every time they do it. Don't rise to the bait or engage them at their own level.

Of course, we can always come here to rant and rave about them! You'll find my personal rant in the Rants and Raves section here: http://www.verticals...h-less-than-me/

Lynda

AMEN....well said. Some people have zero tact and no filters before they speak.

[Disney 20]

Yep... this resonates with me too... I felt guilty in the beginning but I don't now! I work hard to lose every pound and although I don't broadcast my weight loss, when it is mentioned I just say, 'thank you' and change the subject,

More recently, in work, I was in the staff room chatting and my weight loss came up, I foolishly said, 'Oh yeah, I feel great and I just have 14 more pounds to go!' *insert cheesy grin*. A work friend, turned to me and said 'Oh really Coops... from where? You are already a loli pop head!' *insert laughter*...

No this might seem like a little bit of staff room banter... but the lady who made the comment it TINY! She is a little shorter than me at 5 1. She went to put a jacket on and it was a little tight... she said that she would put it on the 'to lose weight pile' It is a size 6 uk. Now, she had the cheek to call me a loli pop head - and this isn't the first time. So this time I plucked up the courage and said 'Tell you what, when I get to my goal weight I can borrow from your 'to lose pile'!' *insert more laughter* I didn't mean to sound bitchy, it just sorta slipped out!

The lady in question didn't like this ... but I am sick to death of people telling me that I am too small when I am still medically obese and weighing in at 168lb... that is still a lot of weight to carry for my height and frame.

Funnily enough though, my 'larger' friends are really pleased for me and chuffed that I am losing weight and getting healthy! It is a funny world!!

Good on you, Coops! Sometimes when people say things like that lady did, they just need a good comeback like you gave her. They are inevitably not prepared for it, but they need it all the same. She's just jealous of you, that's all. I guess she thinks making snarky comments like that will make her look better somehow. Just makes her look pathetic and petty if you ask me.

Keep on keeping on, Coops! You are doing great.

[jillw8 22]

I have a friend who had lap band 2 weeks before me and hasnt been successful. She has made comments about getting the wrong surgery, etc. I don't really want to share my successes with her because I feel guilty.

[Helen the Cat 42]

I am 3 1/2 months post op, and almost no one from my circle of family and friends has seen me since the surgery. I make my home in Iowa, but work in California. I went home to have my surgery, but flew back to CA at ten days post op. So no one, except my hubbie, has seen me since I have been losing weight. I have now lost 80 pounds, and even though I still have about 30 to go, the weight loss if finally noticable. (For the longest time it just didn't show that much!) I am flying home next week for a ten day vacation to see family and friends, and now wonder how they are going to treat me. One of my sons was very much against the surgery, and was upset that I still followed through and had it. My daughters were concerned and I think the oldest one thought I had lost my mind when I flew to Mexico to have the surgery. Hopefully no one will make cruel comments or treat me differently than when I was fat. I am so anxious to see everyone, don't want to have my vacation ruined by rude/cruel comments from friends/family! In the end, we each have to do what we feel is right for us! I think my sleeve surgery was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am on my way to being healthier and certainly happier!

[jillw8 22]

You know, i lost weight once and came out of my shell. I regained weight plus some and some of my "friends" said they liked me better fat because i was cocky when I was skinny....no it was called happy me! Ugh.

[Sassygirl06 962]

yep, same here. I have lost over 70 pounds now and my good friend that has always been smaller then me is now bigger. the last time that i saw her was over a month ago. she seemed standoffish. she told me that she could tell that i lost weight and that she had found it. we used to hang out all the time, but that was the last time that i have seen her. everytime that i try to make plans with her something else comes up. im wondering if it is the weight loss jealousy, or just embarressment. dont know what to do. she doesnt know about the surgery, and i wont tell her now for sure!

[aaa 3]

So glad other people are having this problem. I thought it was just me! Reading your posts has really helped. I was starting to second guess myself and what I believe is right for me.

I'm sick of people telling me I "don't have another 50lbs to lose" and that I'd be "skin and bones" if I did. Once again, these comments all come from people at healthy weights. And that's all I want for myself: to be a healthy weight. I'm tall and my goal weight of 160lbs will only JUST be within the healthy weight range for my height. I could understand the concern if I was telling people that I wanted to be 120lbs at 5'8 but I'm not! I suppose I should take some of it as a compliment because people think I'm like 20 to 30lbs less than I actually am.

The way I look at it is I know me better than anyone else. I know what's good for my health. Despite my family telling me I'm "a big girl" and I don't need to lose any more weight, I know that I'm actually not. I was never one of those people who got fat and round equally all over. My weight hung off me in big rolls and really stood out: an indicator that actually I don't have a naturally curvy frame. I was just fat! All I've ever wanted is to be a normal weight. I've never, ever been done it even as a child so it's frustrating that people want to stand in the way of that.

To the OP - just do you. You didn't go through all of this to hold back because of other people's issues. As a side note, I just realised I have no overweight friends. I guess I always shied away from fellow overweight people because their issues hit just too close to home for me. Go figure!

x

[DoOver 17]

I was having lunch with one of my oldest friends. She is the one who talked me into the sleeve only to back out once I was convinced. I try hard not to say anything about clothes size or weight loss I'll tell her if she asks but that's it. She was mentioning to me about seeing another friend who "...asked if I was still a twig...told her you were......oh by the way you our not allowed to wear that dress you had on when we went to dinner in my presence" said jokingly but still made me feel guilty. So I rolled my eyes and told her I am not a twig( I am not a twig no where near and in my twenties when I was at my thinnest I weighed 20lbs less then I do now and I wasn't a twig then and for some odd reason I kind of resent it when she saids things like that). And then I firmly inserted my foot in my mouth by saying "For God's sake I weigh 140 lbs I am not skinny." It wasn't until I got home that it hit me that she weighs 240 100 lbs more then I and if I roles were reversed I'd call her a twig too.

I wouldn't have been bothered by this. I am not all that sensitive but I began treating my weight as a health issue years ago and people just sort of fell in line. Once I took the emotional part out for me, people's "comments" were no longer things that bothered me or hurt me. It crossed my mind that maybe I was a good part of the problem back when it did bother me. But you see, I'm in my 50's. I might have heard this all a lot differently in my 20's. But as a 50 year old I think she was actually trying to let you know you look good. My advise, if interested, is to assume she was and let her off the hook.

[shellnsons 7]

Great thread that is why I made the decision to not tell my family and friends just hubby....Best of luck to all