Why the Shock and Disdain for WLS

[Lila21 36]

Fact: Obesity is the last socially acceptable prejudice. We are the freaks that everyone is allowed to look at and judge. It is not socially okay to comment on race, mental or physical handicaps, learning disabilities, gender or sexuality especially in the work place.

Sometimes I feel that I exist -- that my zen purpose on the planet is to make others feel better about themselves. As the fattest person in the room I take the pressure off of everyone else's ego. Their inner voice says "at least I am not THAT big."

It is my opinion that, while shows like The Biggest Loser like to pretend that they are doing some sort of public service, they are really just seeking viewers much like a carnival sideshow. They trot out the desperate, voluminous, fat-rolled contestants and the audience is given want they want. They want those fat people pushed to the point of tears. They want to see them struggling, dripping with sweat and prostrate with exhaustion. We are a curiosity. We are like the villain in the wrestling match; the audience wants to see us brought down a peg. And the insecure people can feel better about themselves because we exist.

Am I being too blunt for a Sunday morning? I am one of the morbidly obese. I am due for surgery 9/23.

And if you will allow me one more opinion... morbid obesity is not about slovenliness and hedonism. I have been fat since I was 7 years old. I have been on a diet my entire life. I understand nutrition. I understand the glycemic index. I understand simple vs. complex carbs. I have always taken my own lunch to work and everyone has marveled at how healthy I eat. Here is what I know. My body is too efficient. My body, like those of our cavemen ancestors, conserves and stores. If I eat carbohydrates my body will conserve my fat and store any extra carbs for survival -- even though I do not live in a time of food shortage.

My tiny co-workers from Asia eat ALL THE TIME. Seriously, if my boss weights 100 lbs. I would be surprised and yet she ordered FOUR meals at IKEA and ate them all. She eats constantly. It is about how our bodies handle food. Metabolism.

I know this post sounds like I am a bitter person but I am decidedly not. I am so lucky in my life. But I HAVE been occasionally called blunt . My husband just reminded me (as Dave Chappell taught us) sometimes keeping it real goes wrong! I do not mean to offend with any of my comments and opinions. Much love to you all.

LOL, MsC, I love your post! When keepin' it real goes wrong! Hahahaha.

I definitely agree that fat people are the last bastion of prejudice in this country. I think people who don't suffer with obesity don't have any idea of how hard we work and how much we struggle to get our bodies to do what other people's bodies do naturally. One of my good friends is a tiny asian lady, and she readily admits that she eats at least twice as much as I do, and she doesn't work out (and this was BEFORE WLS). I think most people who are disdainful of WLS have no idea how much work most obese people already do to try to get and STAY thin. Because they have never dealt with it, they think that we must shovel down 3 pizzas for lunch every day in order to be at such an unhealthy weight. So, they rationalize that we just need to cut down to only one pizza a day to get to a healthy weight.

Anyway, thanks for "keepin' it real" and best of luck in your surgery next week! I know you'll do great!

[KellyL 173]

Yes, we fatties are damned if we do, damned if we don't. People disapprove of us if we're fat, but they also disapprove of the only weapon we have against obesity, which is WLS. I learned a long time ago, that I can't please everyone, so I am just gonna have to do what I gotta do to become healthy!! I know there are many people who have never had a weight problem in their whole life, that are very quick to advise us to NOT have surgery. Even people that have weight problems too, seem to be against it. Part of it may be concern because they have heard or imagine that it is risky, but they don't take the time to realize that being obese and all the diseases and disorders that obesity brings with it is much more unhealthy and life threatening. Usually they make comments out of ignorance, because they haven't done any research on the latest procedures.

I thank people for their concern if they say anything, but tell them I did yrs of research. I've lost weight, my diabetes is gone (in remission), and I can actually walk and do things I haven't done in yrs. So I am very very happy with my decision. They don't say a lot after that lol.

So, I'm noticing that several of my colleagues, associates and family members have this crazy perception, disdain and blatant disgust of WLS.. I mean, if you mention the possibility of a celebrity rumored to have had the band or bypass they freak out.. Hemming and hawing about how people should work hard and not pay for bodies and yada yada..... WHATEVER!!!!.... Oh, let's not talk about Ms. So and so who had WLS.. who does she think she is... HUH??? The flip side is that these are the same people who stare in disgust and utter shock when they see a morbidly obese person attempting to live a normal life!!.. I'm trying to understand what kind of human being would belittle, disrespect and basically abhor a person who is trying to do everything necessary to change their lives.. so that they can have a LIFE.. one of quality, freedom and health.... Heck, I don't see people getting made at smokers who use the nicotine patch!! I know comparing WLS and nicorrette is like comparing lasik and eyebrow waxing.. but still.. both open your eyes so you can see clearly!!!.. I was just wondering why people do and say things like that... I'm sure most are oblivious to the HELL that person has gone through.. be it medical problems, emotional baggage, abuse, low self-esteem.. you name it... It's almost like... some people don't think you are human if you weigh over 175!!!

(I kind of told one of my sisters that I was considering WLS... she freaked out.. told me to go back to WW... and try this and that... I explained to her that I am make a decision for MY life.. she doesn't have to agree with it, validate it or anything... She doesn't think I'm big enough to have surgery!!).. I wanted to tell her, you may not think I am, but my knees and back obviously do!!!

Do you have people around you who think it's something wrong with having surgery to change your life, yet they say things about obese people??? Chime in please.. Thanks for ready my RANT for the day!!!

[lsereno 2,525]

I'm ashamed to admit that when I was young, I didn't understand how anyone could be overweight. That was before I struggled with that issue, along with giving up cigarettes. For people who have never struggled with an addiction, I think it's very difficult for them to understand the issue. I do think as people grow older they should be better at being empathetic. I was in my teens when I didn't understand why people couldn't just stop doing something - eating, drinking, smoking.

At 250 and 5'6", I know I did not suffer as much as many people have with weight issues, but I suffered enough to understand how it feels to be ignored, marginalized, and objectified. I've seen it and heard it.

For WLS, I haven't come across much shock and disdain in my day to day life, but I don't pay much attention to people either. I bring up my surgery matter of factly and keep going. I really don't pay attention to how the other person takes my news. So at a restaurant, I don't notice if others are watching me. After I tell the waiter "Yes, the food was good. I can't eat much because I had weight loss surgery" I go back to my meal. I don't wait for a response from them. For strangers, I try for the shortest interaction that gets the info I want to share across. Sometimes people ask me details, and I am comfortable sharing (what kind, did insurance pay, how do you feel now, etc). Also, maybe when I tell someone who was posed to say something crappy that "I was afraid I was going to die!" they just don't have a good comeback! No one has said "Why didn't you just quit eating." I haven't had anyone be rude yet, but if I do run across that, I will deal with them as I deal with other rude people: I don't spend time trying to make them nicer unless I feel like it. I minimize our contact and leave them with their miserable selves ASAP.

I have had a few friends and acquaintances that I cared enough about to spend time talking in more detail about my operation and some of them were fearful for me. But after I explained the relative safety of the operation vs. staying overweight, everyone was on board. Or if they weren't, they didn't discuss it with me anymore :-) I think the naysayers didn't want another long, drawn-out, earnest description from me again!

There may be people talking behind my back about it and saying all kinds of mean stuff, but it's not affecting me. I'm 50 lbs. lighter and I feel so much better already!

I have noticed some people treating me differently since I'm thinner. It tells me something about the kind of person they are, whether they are aware of it or not.

Lynda