My "Hooray!", turned Rant, turned Pity Party

argon · July 17, 2006

I'm putting this here in the Canadian 'area', because it seems too frivolous to subject the 'general public' to, so you guys, my Canadian buds, get to witness me in all my frivolous glory.

I've also broken it up into colours, cause now that I've finished typing all that's running through my head, I realize it's all over the place, and not quite relating to each other!

Does it not feel AWESOME to put on jeans, fresh out of the dryer, and have them be COMFY!? I used to put mine on, and do some squats, just to loosen 'em up a little. I have to say, not having to do that is the thing that just about makes me the happiest right now.

My boyfriend has this thing he does with all his shirts before he puts them on, that I have taken to doing myself as well. He sticks his arms inside the body of the shirt, and beats the crap out of the inside of the shirt, widthwise and ... umm.. depth wise... to stretch it out. I did this too, up until recently when I realized my 2X's (mens shirts :phanvan ) are good enough as-is, without doing that. WOoo!

I''m finally beginning to feel quite dumb in my clothes. I don't dress my age.... I dress like a (forgive me if it seems rude, but I am and WAS this girl) fat 15 year old. Not the kind that wear super low rise jeans, and too short tshirts, with white leather studded belts, and their bellies hanging out (c'mon... you know what I'm talkin' about), but the one's who are very aware of their weight, hide in their clothes and wear the loosest jeans, tshirts and hoodies they can find. That's me.

Now, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with jeans and tshirts. I'd like to always wear them, and I'm sure I will. But I think I've dragged that look out as long as I possibly can, and should. You should have seen me last winter/fall/spring. I have about 7 different coloured hoodies that I rotate throughout the week. If someone said "you know, that girl who always wears hoodies!?", everyone would know who they were talking about. It's embarassing, but I do it because they're big, and loose, and I can hide in them.

I want to wear a variety of clothes. And when I do wear jeans/tshirts, what I want is to wear GIRL (size) tshirts, and nice looking jeans, that show my butt. I found a place that sells 2X girls tshirts, but when I realized they were a good 6 inches shorter than the guys, I said Nooooo Way!

I'm very lucky that I have lost some weight, and my tshirts are more loose on me now than usual, cause it is insanely hot here, and if I was still at where I was last summer, I would still be that freak walking around in a zip-up hoody over a tshirt and jeans, in +30 degree weather. At least now I'm the freak in a tshirt and jeans, not shorts like everyone else.

When we were in PEI for Canada Day, we went to a beach, just to see it, and hang out for a while. I was THE only one there in jeans.... on the entire beach. The most anyone else had on was tank tops and shorts. But mostly bikinis and speedos! When the guys I were with all ripped their shirts off and ran in the Water, they yelled at me to roll up my jeans and come in. I just couldn't do it. :rolleyes:

I SO admire the "big" girls/women who don't let their weight decide what types of clothes they wear. I see them, and I think "You GO!", cause I wish I had the guts and self confidence to just do what I want, and not give a *@$# about what anyone else thinks.

So yeah, how about them 'outta the dryer' jeans!? :paranoid

Tricia K. · July 17, 2006

LOL...you're so cute. I can (sort of) understand your desire to hide under your clothes as I was like that for a while when I was in my late teens/early 20's. I finally got to the point where I didn't care what people thought of me and started to dress in the clothes that *I* liked. Granted, my shirts were always a little longer to cover my belly and part of my butt, BUT they were somewhat fitted so that I didn't look like I was wearing a sack!

I hope you will soon realize that you're beautiful (inside and out) and that you shouldn't hide that body. Plus, once you start dropping more of the weight, you may find that you'll want to show it off. 'm kind of in that stage now. It's very liberating, to say the least.

:hug: Keep your chin up, my dear.

lisah25 · July 17, 2006

My boyfriend has this thing he does with all his shirts before he puts them on, that I have taken to doing myself as well. He sticks his arms inside the body of the shirt, and beats the crap out of the inside of the shirt, widthwise and ... umm.. depth wise... to stretch it out. I did this too, up until recently when I realized my 2X's (mens shirts :phanvan ) are good enough as-is, without doing that. WOoo!

LOL-DH and I both do that stretching out the shirt thing. We call it the "Val stretch", named for the friend who showed it to me.

Yoda · July 17, 2006

Hey Mandi...

Yup....jeans outta the dryer...comfy....AWESOME girl!!!! Soon, you'll be puttin' 'em in the dryer just to shrink 'em up a bit!!!!

I'm glad you've stepped away from the hoodies....especially in the weather we're having (going to about 45 today with humidex here near TO)....gooood FREAKIN' GOD!!! (for you US people, that is CELSIUS).

You're on your way Mandi....soon you will have all the confidence in the world to wear whatever you like!!!!

Keep up the great work!

CLOE · July 17, 2006

morning mandi, I know I'm one to talk, about patience that is. But honestly, all of a sudden it'll be next summer and WOW, your gonna feel a whole lot different. I really feel it also has alot to do with age and maturity too. I'm not saying your immature, but I felt just like you for soooooo long then I just came to the time in my life where I just didn't give a $hit about what others think. Having said that, I still want to look my best, and it feels a whole lot better every few pounds gone. When I look back now I just wish someone had of said to me... "just relax, your great just the way you are now". I still tell myself that every day about everyday stuff. If we did'nt want to get to the next stage, we would be dead, it's human nature. It's just the way we talk to ourselves on the way.... Enjoy your comfy jeans!

I hope I did'nt miss your point...I was interupped about a dozen times trying to read your post:)

Eficka · July 17, 2006

c'mon Argon, you are beautiful.I used to dress like you describe and thought that I will hide, but I saw couple of pictures and realized I look even bigger!!I dont wear jeans or tops that show my bell(cause theres nothing nice to show) but I dont wear any loose stuff anymore. Its just about getting used to it. wear something with clevage and you will distract the looks from your butt or just wear some nice makeup...dont be silly you are young-we are the same age- and what the hell dont you want to wear something different?yep so you have a big butt I have a big one as well but I say if they dont like they shouldnt look!

try some kneelenght skirts and fitted tshirts and a cardigan over it...its better than to be in jeans on the beach, you are drawing more attention to yourself if you wear long jeans and a hoodie to a beach than if you just wear something more according to the wather.

Im being straitghtforward and hope that I didnt offend you, but I totally understand what you are going through.You can do it, you are young and beautifull!!!

shackdog · July 17, 2006

yep this is a good place for this

TommyO · July 17, 2006

Mandi, congrats on the loose jeans out of the dryer it's good to feel good about how well you are doing. I think you should go and buy a bathing suit and then go back to the beach. It always seems that somehow we draw attention to ourselves when we try to hide. Being the only person on the beach in jeans probably draws a lot more attention then wearing a bathing suit.

I for one have always been of the mind that we all have our flaws so I don't particularily care if mine is more visible. So after the jeans come out of the dryer put'em on, take a moment to feel good that they fit, then take'em off and throw on the bathing suit and head to the beach proud of who you are and how well you are doing.

argon · July 17, 2006

Tricia - Thank you :rolleyes: :hug: I checked out your website, btw, and you're lookin' awesome! You've inspired me to take the front/side/behind pictures more often, so I can have something to look back at like yours. Did I see somewhere that you're 5'6" as well? Same as me, and you started with a weight a bit less than me, so I like to think I just might look like you do in you your 192lb pics, when I get there!

lisah25 -haha, nice to hear other people do it too!

Yoda - I don't envy you guys and your crazy hot temps! I'm not retiring the hoodies, but they're put away deep in my closet for now!

Cloe - thank you, and nah, I know what you mean about the maturity thing. I'm sure I would eventually become alot more comfortable in my skin as I got older, and even now, with the hoodies and all, I'm still more OK with myself than I used to be. Luckily, and hopefully, I won't have to wait to get more 'cool' with myself at my old weight, I'll just have to work on being comfortable in better fitting clothes as I lose!

Eficka - I hear ya! And you totally didn't offend me. I know what I should be doing. And yes, seeing myself in pictures is hard, cause I do make myself look even bigger than I am. Since I have waaay too much time on my hands right now, just for you, tomorrow I'm going out, and at least TRYING on some clothes that I would never normally think of picking out. Maybe even a skirt!

shackdog - huh?

Tommy - haha, oh boy... I seriously haven't worn a bathing suit since I was 10! But thank you. It's a nice thought, and I wish I could... but I'm definitely not there yet!

Tricia K. · July 17, 2006

Tricia - Thank you :hug: I checked out your website, btw, and you're lookin' awesome! You've inspired me to take the front/side/behind pictures more often, so I can have something to look back at like yours. Did I see somewhere that you're 5'6" as well? Same as me, and you started with a weight a bit less than me, so I like to think I just might look like you do in you your 192lb pics, when I get there!

You're very welcome, sweetie. :love: :hug:

Thank you so much for the kind words. I do recommend taking photos of yourself every month so that you have record of your progression. I promised myself that I would take monthly photos and measurements. Although, I slacked off for 2 months on the measurements! Oops. :kiss You're right though, I am 5'6" so we may end up looking very similar at 192 pounds.

You're doing a fantastic job and I hope you realize just how beautiful you are.

CLOE · July 17, 2006

I agree, I think the pictures are a good idea. I could get very upset right now cause even though I've lost 46 pounds, only a couple of people have said anything. I'm still wearing the same old clothes, even though they are getting loose, and I've kinda been spinning my wheels for a few weeks. That's when I go the the pictures and see what I looked like a month before surgery. That's all I need.