Intimacy issues

["Just" Paul 1]

Folks, remember, everyone on this thread has been talking about how they feel PERSONALLY.

Personal feelings are neither right or wrong, they are your own alone.

I applaud everyone on here for expressing themselves honestly, even if the feelings aren't popular. I'd rather read honest words than popular ones.

Thanks to all, you've given me, personally, a lot to think about. How I look at myself and others.

This is a very thought provoking thread!

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: To all posters here, telling THEIR truths.

[Yoda 0]

Fotune cookie????? Did I hear someone mention fortune cookie?

ummmm...Mmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm....Jack...did you have chicken balls with that fortune Cookies...????!!! Huh? Huh? Didja? Didja?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what I would give for a chicken ball covered in sauce right now!!!!!

[Yoda 0]

I'd also like to add a comment based on a few things I've read in this thread. I personally don't think anything is wrong with "recreational sex". If someone feels it isn't "right" for them...than great....so be it. But others may feel quite differently and it doesn't make them any less of a "good" person. I recall my younger, more carefree (non-married) days with great pleasure; lots of good memories in that area. Nothing wrong with it. So, yes, I can see that for single people today there may be frequent occasions where sex may be had with someone that you aren't planning on sharing "everything" with....

And...besides...if it is good for the goose.....

.....so for those of you singles out there...hey....don't let the scars stop you from having fun and...heck no...ya don't have to "splain everythin'".....!!!

[Yoda 0]

....I'm not sure how to respond to a thread about chicken balls and recreational sex.....

LMAO....Jack Jack Jack....that was exactly why I split it into TWO posts!!! For warped people like you!!!

Mmmmmmmmmmmm chicken balls & recreational sex!!!! Special sauce!

[HunnyBun 2]

Koala, I admit that I did misread your original thread and I apologize for writing a response that might have sounded like I was not being too nice. As you see, at the end of my post I too said I wouldn't date someone who is prejudice to fat, just in different words.

Yoda, your thread about the recreational sex, if only I could get over myself and just do it I am pretty sure I'd be a happier person. I don't tie emotions to sex as much as other do, but I do feel embarassed to go to bed with someone who I am not super comfortable with. Plenty of men have been interested and I turned them down even though I really wanted to do it, I was just embarassed of my body.

I know how great I feel after the first time I sleep with a man, I feel sexy and happy. My self esteem sky rockets because I know there are men out there that desire me just the way I am. Fat and uncomfortabel in my own skin.

The funny thing is, I went through this amazing phase where I actually felt ok about being fat and told myself I look good anyway. Then the day came that I was going to go on a date with this amazing guy and I realized that I had serious self image issues.

[Monica S 1]

I seem to be one of the only ones here, but I can feel my port very easily. It's close to my skin, and if I were intimate with a new partner for the first time I'm sure he'd feel it. So there's that.

Plus, I often need to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to PB after dinner, especially after a nice dinner where I eat anything starchy, and my mom told me that if she didn't know about my surgery she would ask me if I were bulimic. Personally, I'd rather tell a date the truth than have him think I'm purposefully puking up dinner every time we go out.

Finally, I think a guy would be impressed and would like it if he knew his girl had had weight loss surgery. First of all, he would think that his girl is about to get a killer bod. Also, men have this "problem...solve" attitude toward things, and I'd bet they would admire the take action, proactive approach that we have chosen to solve our weight problems. So, maybe I'd avoid it for the first few dates, but by the time we were ready for intimacy, I'd just tell him. I would anticipate support and admiration. If that's not what I got, I'd sit on him.

[*susan* 1,709]

chicken balls? Recreational sex? SPECIAL SAUCE???????

ROFLMAO, I need to go to the XXX thread, that is obviously where my mind is right now.

Sorry, didn't mean to post a non-appropriate comment here, just struck me as really funny.

[NewSho 20]

Only my fellow chatters on LapBandTalk.com could turn this into a Kitchen/Sex thread.

But hey, the topic is about Intimacy, right?

Great opinions - but I bet we still have lots more input to share.

[mslynn 0]

Just bumping this thread. It's an issue for me and thought some other readers might be interested.

Mslynn

[Daisalana 33]

My fiance is not attracted to fat women.. Like I've said before, sometimes I'm afraid one day he'll wake up and 'realize' I'm fat. But, I know he doesn't like 'fat women', but he fell in love with me, so I know he really loves me for me. That's pretty special to me! I thought he'd be extatic that I was getting the lap-band, but he said he'd prefer if I just dieted, but supported me either way.

Anyway for sex, I'm not too far out, we had our first romp since my band was placed-last night.. I was afraid something would hurt, but it all went smoothly and nothing 'poked' out of my stomach or anything. I would think if you could feel your port with your fingers, they'd be able to feel it. But I'm with whoever posted, if you're gonna sleep with someone, hopefully you're intimate enough to be able to share the fact you had lap-band or would at least be comfortable explaining it to them if they asked.

However if you're talking about one-nighters that you don't want to get personal with (I'm not judging, to each their own ) if they ask, say mind yer own business. LOL

[Daisalana 33]

(I do realize this is an old thread FYI.. but figure if anyone else happens on it, I wanted my 2 cents thrown in.. I got a lot of pennies)

[kyethra 0]

First of all, they aren't going to be paying attention to your tummy. Trust me. And if, oh whats thats comes up, the say its a scar. Tell them that you can tell them all about how you got it later if they want to know, but it isn't that interesting. Make a joke. Say it just hasn't been airbrushed yet. Now where were ya...

Another thing to remember, especially for the beginning, is that have some cool lingerie. I have got stuff that is both boobless and crochless. Its some versitile stuff.

Then its true that no one has perfect skin. Make up might help. Mederma might help. But things happen. Right now I have some really dark spots on one breast as well as scattered scars all over. You know how I got those? I learned the hard way that one shouldn't fry anything in the nude, not just bacon. I really find that saying misleading. I know those scars will fade. I used to have hideously scarred knees from when I was a kid and I was always scraping them. I can wear short things now without looking like I was tortured.

You can always cover more prominent scars with a tattoo or two. I have a tattoo on my right foot. I love the thing. It doesn't happen to be covering any scars, unless they got there after the tattoo. Of course I did get a rash last summer and it helped disguise it where the tattoo was.

There are whispy fabrics, metalic ones, etc that are great for that almost uncovered look.

Now I want to get thin enough so that I can be a Genie for Halloween one of these days. Silly? Of course. But it is something I've always wanted to do. And I have double the scars of the average lap bander, seeing as I got my gall bladder out six weeks later. I figure they will all mostly fade in time. And the ones that remain visible can be covered up with some good concealer and so forth. I also have some areas where my skin is darker than others, like around my neck. I think once I lose weight that will help. and then I might see what I can do about it.

[Shells 0]

Who said men want abs of steel and a skinny tiny body. Not all men are like that. Maybe thats just what you think men want. I think you need to be comfortable with your own body and not worrying about someone else thinks to even enjoy sex. How are you going to orgasm if your laying there thinking is he looking at my scars... I wonder if he can feel my port.... Find a real man who loves you for you and all those negative thoughts will go...