my story... my emotions

[iiPinkxLoveii 0]

Hello everyone! My name is Sylvia, I'm 26, live in houston, texas and just had my Sleeve surgery on aug 31st. I struggled so much just to get here. My journey started in 10/2010. I was aware of wls but was too scared to actually do anything about my weight surgically because I have always been big all my life and in a way thought surgery was the easy way out. It wasn't til I saw 328 lbs on the scale (and im 5'2") and just blew me away. I had to do something. I was depressed, my psoriasis and arthritis weren't helping me and my life was just miserable. I attended a seminar at the Davis Clinic here in Houston. A week later I meet Dr. Garth Davis and talked about my health history, why I was there and what I wanted. At the seminar I had heard about the sleeve gastroectomy for the first time and was interested, and thought it was best for my health sake to proceed with surgery. My insurance only required 3 months of nutritional classes & 1 psychological session. I thought it would be the easiest thing. Wrong! In November I didnt go to the class because I got scared and thought mentally I want ready. My husband (who has been so wonderful & supportive) told me to do whatever makes me happy but think about it. I decided to go back. In December I started the 1st nutritional class and got motivated. In january I started eating healthy, walking 3 miles four times a week (even if my arthritis interfered) I did my 3 nutritional clases with success and had lost 10 lbs on my own! I made my psychological appointment in March and thought I had done everything I needed until the psychiatrist called me the next day and told me she had reviewed everything with Dr. Davis and they both felt I needed extra counseling for 3 more months due to my depression history. They wanted to make sure I would be ready mentally I guess. I was devastated. I wanted to give up. I felt like I practically had to prove to them I wanted this even though I knew I wanted it. I went ahead and did what they asked. I did my 3 months of therapy. So she reviewed everything with the psychiatrist & surgeon. I got a call from Dr. Agosta in late June telling me everything was a go and all I had to do now was wait for my insurance. I heard back in mid July from the office, I was approved and I could choose my date! I picked late August because that way I could situate everything in time at home and work. So now I'm here! Sept 5th. Five days post-op. Everything turned out ok during surgery and while I was at the hospital. I been home 2 days and I can say I was fine until today. Its 1: 30 am and I sit here in tears because I'm happy I did it but mad at the fact I'm hungry but can't eat what I want. Im tired of eating Soups. Its like that ugly unhealthy person in the back of my mind wants me to fail. Like telling me this was the worse mistake I have done. But yet I also know its not. I see my friends that have had wls so happy and strangers saying the surgery was the best thing that has happened to them. But honestly this whole recovery sucks. I can drink and eat soups but I don't know when I'm full! So I dont eat. I'm scared if I eat or drink more than I need to I'll be more in pain. Its just crazy to have gotten here and feel like maybe I wasnt ready. I was so strong during my 2weeks liquid diet. I was 315 lbs when I started the diet and the day of surgery I was 295 lbs. I know that alone should be my motivation. I just feel helpless. I want that voice telling me this was a mistake to go away so I can keep pushing forward. I hope someone here understands me and helps me because I don't want this to be it. :'(

[Tony666 0]

I pretty much have some of the same feelings. I keep seeing food commercials on TV and just drool.....literally! I was sleeved the 29th, so I'm just a few days ahead of you. Hang in there, keep the goal in sight. You KNOW you've done what's best for you.

As to the not being able to feel full......do you not feel any restriction at all when you eat/drink Soups, shakes, etc.? Mine seems to be about 8 oz., and will surely let me know if I go much over that. Tonight I actually pushed it, accidentally, and boy am I unhappy! I didn't barf tho, so it's all good.

[iiPinkxLoveii 0]

Thank you Tony for replying to my post! I saw my husband eating mexican food from the favorite place we like to go and that did it for me. I been crying, cursing and everything. I can't tell ppl not to eat in front of me and tv forget it. Fast food one of my weakness. So I am in a way glad to hear its just not me.

As far as eating I can eat a whole popsicle n feel fine. I only take about four or five teaspoons of Soup and then stop. I'm just so scared to take more and regret it. Water kinda hurts going down but gatorade is ok. Apple sauce is the worse but I can eat a whole 3.9 oz. and I can eat a low fat 6 oz yogurt slowly. I dont feel any restrictions. Im so clueless.

I wish you the bestest luck and hopefully soon we can be able to say we did it thank you so much!

[Raine 170]

You sound like me when I first got sleeved. I was able to eat the ice pops and jellos with no problem. I didn't start on the yogurt until 2 weeks though. Your new stomach will tell you when you are full believe me . Things will get better and once you start on the solid foods you will feel the restriction big time. When reading though keep in mind that everyone is different. I would read how people could only handle 2 bites of an egg when they got to softs and here I was eating a whole egg with ease. I didn't think I had restriction, but found out the hard way when I was eating watermellon! It is really really hard in the beinginning just keep the goal in mind and that is to be healthy and strong. That unheathy you will rear its ugly head ever so often but its up to you to fight her. The NEW you is stronger and better. Good luck, I know you will do fine.

[MeMeMEEE 206]

I think it is very common at this stage to not feel restriction - you are mostly on liquids.< /p>

[JBoyd 2]

DO NOT get discouraged. The first thing my nurses (who had both had the sleeve) told me at the Hospital after I had mine (I was sleeved here in College Station, TX on Aug. 25) was there will come a time when you think to yourself "why the heck did I do this to myself". Well, upon leaving the hospital I figured they were talking about the pain aspect. Much to my demise, I now know they were talking about the emotional and hunger aspect.

I am 11 days out, and counting down the 3 days I have left of liquid land. I am so ready to CHEW. Trust me, we will get through this. A few months from now, you will re-read your post and wonder what the heck.....why didn't I do this sooner!?

Chin up, we are all here for each other. I was an emotional wreck this weekend as I was going insane seeing everyone eating (CHEWING) while I was basically drinking. I love food. I miss my full stomach. What I realize today, is that I can still love food, but make much better decisions. I don't have to eat the whole of anything....but I still get to eat a portion of it. This is a huge emotional journey, and we will succeed.

[Lisha 1]

Hi there. I'm 26 and I was also sleeved on the 31st. Yesterday I doubted my decision a little, but I had to tell myself what's done is done. The only pain I'm having right now is from the drain; it's about time for this thing to come out. Right now I'm trying to determine if what I'm feeling in my stomach are hunger pains or my stomach settling. I read under another post that hunger pains could be acid & Prilosec can help with that. So starting today I will take the Prilosec my doc prescribed. I'm looking at this change as a day by process with hills & valleys. I've made up my mind that I will succeed and change my attitude about food. It won't be easy, but I plan to tap into my supports systems. So think of the liquid phase as just that, another phase. You won't be tied down to liquids forever. It will pass! Good Luck!

Luck! I've found great inspiration on this board.

[jillw8 22]

Hello! It is reassuring to read your thoughts! I was sleeved on the 30th and have had many of the same feelings! On day 5, yesterday, it was the first time I was hungry and I thought "what did i do? This is forever." But then I realized that the beginning

[jillw8 22]

Oops. Accidentally Posted too soon......then I realized that the beginning of our journey is te hardest. It is a temporary until we are advance to our regular food. Before surgery I sat down to make a list of all of the reasons i hate being fat and wanted to lose weight. When i doubt my decision I read the list. I know I made the right decision and you did too. We were all sleeved near the same date so let's support each other! Good luck! 

[iiPinkxLoveii 0]

Thank you everyone! This has really helped me. Today has not been too bad. I have actually eaten more Soup and dranked more Water. I'm still hungry and it hurts when I am but all for the best. Still have that ugly voice inside that wants real food but I'm trying to ignore it! Good luck to everyone and best wishes. Together we can do this & in the end it will indeed be worth it!

[Lissa 2,631]

Sylvia, I was sleeved on August 30, so I'm in the same stage you are. I started having some shoulder pain a few days ago and was walking, thinking the pain was gas. It turns out that, right now, my full signal is apparently shoulder pain. I certainly hope that changes to something else very quickly because that will stink if it continues.

We made a huge change to our bodies in order to create a huge change in our lives. I haven't felt the depression others seem to have (yet), but that may be because I had a death sentence hanging over my head beforehane. It was lose weight or die for me. I'm definitely more about improving the co-morbidities more than looking better, although that will be a WONDERFUL side benefit!!!!

Good luck.

[wishes 125]

Aw, I am so sorry, but things get better. Just try to keep your spirits up.

[Forensikchic 528]

Thank you everyone! This has really helped me. Today has not been too bad. I have actually eaten more Soup and dranked more Water. I'm still hungry and it hurts when I am but all for the best. Still have that ugly voice inside that wants real food but I'm trying to ignore it! Good luck to everyone and best wishes. Together we can do this & in the end it will indeed be worth it!

I got quite emotional when I was at day 5 or so too. That little voice was telling me that I had really screwed up doing this to myself and it was never going to be the same. It was all negative. I cried about it. I was pretty depressed. Then, I was at week two and found I could add Protein shakes and I tried that and it was a little better. Week three added milk, cheese and yogurt. I was so happy to get to eat cheese! I could chew it! Before I knew it, I was on soft food. I cant hold very much, but it feels good to get to eat what my family is eating. I have one more week of soft and I got to regular food! It does get so much better than the first week! Hang in there!

[talia 0]

I can relate to how you feel. I mean I think everyone questions did they make the right decision or not. Questions like " could I have really lost the weight on my own" . But just like anything worth having there is a process. When i got my degree in college, that took 4 years. My daughter and the complications and being high risk......but she is perfect and wouldn't trade her for the world. My point is that every thing in life is a process and sometime the path isnt always clear. Just rememebr to hold on to why you wanted the surgery in the first place. I wanted to be a healthier happier me. more comfortable in my clothing and able to play outside with my daughter in the summer without feeling like i was going to die. I wanted to be able to run and play and just live and love life. Yes its been a bumpy road but anything worth having is going to have trail and triublations or else everyone would have it if you didnt have to fight and work towards it. Dont give up! Be encouraged. I know it raining out today but let the sunshineschedlued for tomorrow. Your Victory is right there you just have to be brave enough to reach out and grab it! Be Blessed!! Talia C.

[Houston_Rich 0]

Stay strong, the week after surgery is when you are going to have some head hunger. Esp when you see the ads or someone brings in something from a fast food joint and you smell that grease. After another week it gets ALOT easier. That first week or two post op can be rough with the liquids and Protein shakes and what not, but you should be able to mix it up a little bit, try some different broths, try maybe adding a little bit of yogurt into a shake just to change the flavor and texture, I know I was allowed to eat the NON-fruited greek yogurts during weeks 1 and 2 (pretty much plain- yuck, honey or vanilla- they were ok).

you just need to mix it up a little bit and remember why you are doing this. I am not 4 weeks out, down a total of 45lbs including the preop diet, and feel great.

Also, I am in Houston, so if you need to talk anytime or just want to pick my brain, send me a note and we can meet up. I am 26 also and live inside the loop, it helps to talk!