the wife...jealous

[Thomas CPA 496]

I was scheduled 2 years ago and stopped because of wife, weight went back over 300 lbs. Got it done this year over her objections now down to 200 lbs and 30 to my goal 50 to doctors goal. She is jealous how all the women we know comment on my weight loss and a few gave me unexpected hugs. Jealousy is a bummer but remember you are doing it for your own good health and if she can't support that not much you can do. Hopefully she will come around. I did get her to go to a psychologist to deal with her insecurity issues. Slow and sure progress.

[doggz109 41]

If she says she will leave you now if you simply have the surgery..........which will be life saving to you.....then seriously....tell her to take a flying leap. If she won't even wait until AFTER you have it to see how it affects your relationship then who needs it.

BTW.....threatening to leave if you get the surgery is just emotional blackmail. She has issues....you need to decide if she is worth working those issues out with because it is going to be tough.

[ccbcdeke 11]

My wife and I are doing this together. It certainly helps for us to know what each other is going through and for us to share in the experience.

[thinoneday 445]

Its jealousy and insecurity. . just reassure her and let her know this is being done for her and your family so you can be around for a long time to come. . .we girls are funny that way you know, a bit weird. . . our brains start to think strange things. . .so forgive us. . my hubbie was weirded out too when i did this, but now since i've lost all my weight and he sees i'm not going anywhere or wearing thongs or nothing at all (lol) he's ok . . . it'll get better i promise, i really don't think she'll leave you over this if the love is strong. . . good luck!

[sassy1 0]

The wife tells me today that she is 100% against my surgery and threatened to leave me if I go forward with it!! WTF! She says she likes a heavy guy and I didnt mind being big but now Ive got health problems to go along with it. High blood pressure, shooting pains in my legs and im prediabetic. She let it slip when she was yelling at me that girls will be all over me, which no matter how much I wish were true will never be the case. Is she really worried about me/us or is it a jealousy issue?

My husband Said the same thing, are you going to leave me when you get skinny? Really? After 24 yrs Why would he say that. My response was, If I was going to leave you, I would have already done it. I am not with him because I am Fat. I am with him because I Love him. It angers me to think he feels I am not attractive to other men because I am fat, and thats why I am still with him. I told him, " Hey News Flash" Other men flirt with me all the time, I am still here with you. Come on Husbands and wives, Don't put your own insecurities on us, Where getting ready for major surgery. think about it....

[CherryT 0]

My husband is having surgery on Sept 19th and I'm stressing hard.

He's such a great guy.Sweet, loving, Very charismatic and extremely smart.

I had a mini-meltdown the other night worrying (i'm a worrier, always have been) about all the what ifs.

What if he doesn't make it through the surgery?

What if the support I offer isn't enough to keep him sane during the "buyers remorse", depression period.

and then the ultimate hit me.

What if, when he gets all thin, he realizes that he never had the opportunity to date around and that he just settled for me?

I think, regardless of a woman's size, this is going to be a concern. Even if they don't voice it. In my head, I know my husband adores me and we're best friends and more than likely, everything is going to work out just fine but that little niggling doubt still sits in there.

There really oughta be a forum in here for spouses of VS patients. Help us assuage our fears and maybe even give us tips on how best to support our spouses during this tough time.

[Rebel 9]

My Husband was not supportive at first but once he saw how determined

I was and I explained to him that I was doing this to prolong my life

And not to leave him or suddenly start dressing trashy he became supportive. He has become my strongest cheerleader and I cant imagine

Getting thru the recovery and life changes without him. I secretly hope

That he will decide to have this as well but know that has to be his decision.

[Thomas CPA 496]

Sure my wife doesn't like it when women who knew me at 305 now see a much thinner man and compliment me however that doesn't mean they want to go out with me. Hopefully she will join me